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AIBU?

My daughter slapped a work colleague on the shop floor!

314 replies

plastique · 28/10/2016 20:50

My daughter is distraught, she slapped a colleague at work whilst having playful banter (though they did cross the line), but it was a bit hard, left a mark for 10 mins and colleague is not happy...what should she do??

OP posts:

Report

ReallyShouldKnowBetterAtMyAge · 28/10/2016 22:27

A Manager and a Graduate having "banter" that crossed the line into your DD potentially being dismissed for gross misconduct.

If she wasn't sent home immediately pending investigation does that mean the Manager involved in the banter would be part of the disciplinary process?

whatlifestylechoice · 28/10/2016 22:27

Honestly, if this was my daughter, I would advise her to say nothing and act like nothing has happened. If anything is mentioned, take the piss out of the guy totally. Make him feel ashamed for making a thing of it.

This is what men do, and it almost never comes back to bite them in the arse.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/10/2016 22:29

Honestly, if this was my daughter, I would advise her to say nothing and act like nothing has happened. If anything is mentioned, take the piss out of the guy totally. Make him feel ashamed for making a thing of it.

Yeah let's minimise violence shall we.

Cheryl1961 · 28/10/2016 22:31

thisisafakename - unlikely she will be arrested as the police are far too stretched to do so however likelihood of being interviewed under caution if the man reports it to the police. For the record if he has said/done something of a sexual nature to warrant the slap then good for her. Far too many males think they are entitled to make lude comments to young women. I would have slapped him. This sounds like its been going on for far too long. Yes she should have reported it first. I was sexually harassed at work when I was 17. I put up with it for months before finally doing something about it. I lost my job because my face didnt "fit" afterwards.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/10/2016 22:31

Make him feel ashamed for making a thing of it.

And there is one of the reasons that men don't report violence against them.

plastique · 28/10/2016 22:32

Whatlifestylechoice... I tend to agree I've said apologise when you see him but under no circumstances comment about it to anyone else unless it's in an official situation... Hopefully will blow over... Apparently other female members of staff are glad he got a slap.. Just unfortunately my daughter did it and not them

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/10/2016 22:36

OP you are minimising what your DD has done.

You are contradicting yourself.

You have said to her don't talk about it, yet she seems to have been gossiping with other colleagues, yet has only tried to appologise by WhatsApp.

She didn't just slap him if it left a mark for that length of time.

What would you say if he had done that to your DD and left such a mark?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 28/10/2016 22:36

Oh well,she'll know soon enough come Monday.
I think she was daft to message him though.

Amandahugandkisses · 28/10/2016 22:37

When I was at work as s young woman and harassed and had disgusting things said to me by male colleagues I wish I had slapped them across the face.

This may or may not be relevant.

BlackeyedSusan · 28/10/2016 22:38

all she can do is apologise, and state the extenuating circumstances. but she should not have slapped him unless in self defence.

Cheryl1961 · 28/10/2016 22:38

More like ashamed because hes been doing things he knows he shouldnt - its ok for him to overstep the mark but not the girl. NEVER minimise violence to females OR men but dont be pushing and knocking a female around and expect to continue doing it without some sort of come back. Hes either been getting thrills by touching her where ever he can or hes a bully or of course he may be just a misguided little boy who needs his mummy!

whatlifestylechoice · 28/10/2016 22:39

No, let's fight back. They won't get it until they're on the receiving end .

Apologize profusely and resign? Fuck that shit. You think a man would do that?

I know you all will say this is not how a professional should respond, but you know what, women have been behaving "correctly " for fucking years and it hasn't got us anywhere. Fuckit, do what patriarchy does. Let them have a taste of their own sauce.

Twatty · 28/10/2016 22:40

Apparently other female members of staff are glad he got a slap

Okay this is worrying, what sort of things does your dd class as 'banta'?
She may well havr been on the receiving end of some pretty bad shit.

Obviously this isn't an excuse for hitting someone. But its sounding more and more that the work environment isn't quite right.

Cheryl1961 · 28/10/2016 22:41

completely agree!

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/10/2016 22:41

plastique

So was it "playful banter" or something else?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/10/2016 22:42

Wow whatlife disgraceful comment.

thisisafakename · 28/10/2016 22:42

And there is one of the reasons that men don't report violence against them

While I don't condone violence, I doubt that he felt or feels threatened by her. It sounds as if the comments he made were out of line, particularly if other female staff said they were glad he was given a slap. It might be a controversial thing to say but female on male violence (in the form described here) is not the same as male on female violence which is normally perpetrated by someone who is significantly stronger physically and usually in a position of power. Arguing that they are exactly the same and that we should treat this guy like an abuse-victim is not sensible. Additionally, while she hit the hardest, he did touch her too by pushing her and he also made inappropriate remarks.

bumsexatthebingo · 28/10/2016 22:43

And what if the dd was a son who was making inappropriate sexual comments to his colleagues and shoving them in the name of 'banter'? The op said the other female members of staff are pleased he got a slap so maybe they have had enough of his 'banter' as well and will speak up if anything official comes of it. And of course there may be cctv evidence of the physical shoving etc so it won't necessarily look like a tit for tat accusation.
Obviously the dd should have dealt with things more professionally but what is done is done and I think an apology and looking for another job where she can have a clean slate and nicer colleagues would be the best advice.

Amandahugandkisses · 28/10/2016 22:44

Why is what whatlife said disgusting? She's right!

bringbacksideburns · 28/10/2016 22:45

Really hard to comment when you aren't giving the full context.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/10/2016 22:46

thisisafakename

so violence is only violence when a man hits someone?

I ask the same question that no-one on here answers-

How many times does a woman have to hit a man before it becomes wrong?

Additionally, while she hit the hardest, he did touch her too by pushing her and he also made inappropriate remarks.

would you accept this response when a man hits a woman?

bumsexatthebingo · 28/10/2016 22:46

So is violence only violence when it leaves a mark or is reported?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/10/2016 22:47

Why is what whatlife said disgusting? She's right!

No she isn't

It isn't ok to slap anyone. Full stop.

Helloitsme87 · 28/10/2016 22:49

Sounds like he pushed her too far and she made an error of judgement. But it's hardly fair to say it's as black and white as she slapped him so she should be fired.
Sounds to me like he has had his ego bashed and therefore being unfair. If he has been pushing and shoving and making unprofessional comments then it needs to be addressed in a professional way. She has apologised and I hope she doesn't stress too much about this and will learn from her mistake. However he needs to accept that he hasn't been professional either and why exactly she lost her shit the way she did.

bumsexatthebingo · 28/10/2016 22:50

And it isn't ok to push and shove people or make unwanted sexual comments towards them either.

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