to want to quit teaching: I've lost all faith and motivation

[PeppermintTeaPlease]

I was so enthusiastic and excited during my first 5 years as a teacher. I loved working with the kids, and I spent so much time and energy trying to put together lessons and ways of introducing the material to them. I was the female Mr. Keating (Dead Poet's Society)!

But you know what? I don't care anymore. I'm so disillusioned. THEYthe studentsdon't care. I have two students in total who actually enjoy the things we read and want to improve as writers. The majority of the rest cobble together papers based on what they read on SparkNotes and CliffNotes online; I know most of them don't read the novels at all. Did you know that it is possible to write a basic composition without reading the book about which you are writing? Well, it is. SparkNotes and similar websites give detailed plot and character summaries, and explain all themes of the literature. I'm just the loser who prattles about how much they are missing by not reading the books, the loser with my little-person school teacher's job, and so I deserve to spend hours and hours of time every evening reading and marking pages and pages of uninspired dreck written by people who don't give a damn. In fact, I'll be doing just that until about midnight tonight.

I had a student who wanted an A. He bitterly resented his C grade (I was being generous). He even admitted he hadn't read the book, and "only read the Wikipedia article, that was my mistake 'cos I should have read more articles to say what it was about." The Head said I had to "give him a chance to try again" on the composition. I just opened the document that was the student's resubmission, and guess what? COPIED WORD FOR WORD from three different internet articles. It took me less than two minutes to realize he hadn't written it AND to find the articles he copied online.

And he WILL do great in life. His parents will set him up in their family business, and he'll have a better life than I do. And he knows it. And his parents know it too: they can barely mask their contempt when I try to speak to them.

So, yeah. I'm an idiot, and a fool, and I've wasted my life.

I've had that hideous "moment of reckoning": I've just seen myself for what I am. Now I am embarrassed to go face the students again. God, I'm a loser.

But what do you actually want, Peppermint? I mean this kindly but you do sound awfully intense about it all.

Of course we need passionate teachers but try not to take everything quite so seriously, would be my advice.

I think I want to get away from the drudgery of spending my evening and weekend hours grading papers no one cares about, yesterdaysunshine. The pressure IS making me very intense.

That's what I want, I think. And I want to be able to read books for fun, just for me. I don't have time to do that now.

But this thread has helped a lot. I DO need to find a new school, if I stay in teaching. But I need to look at other options for next year, career-wise, too. I'm wondering if teaching is meant to be something just for one's younger years?

Today I learned that the Canadian PM used to be a teacher.

I would urge you to find another school but also not to feel guilty about walking away from teaching if it isn't making you happy.

I worry that you are relying on teenagers to build your sense of worth and purpose, that is always going to be a losing ticket.

Two of my friends, at very different schools, have talked about the whole lack of respect from children and parents, expectations for high grades on shoddy work and pupils' failure to gain good marks being the teacher's fault. I can see it's not in every school, but once management allows this attitude, it spreads around a school very quickly. So maybe a change of school, with the decision to leave after a year if it is the same.
I had some wonderful teachers who were inspiring when I was 15/16, and some of what they said has stayed with me and has been useful, not everything you have done will have been wasted! And I had a wonderful moment when DS1's English teacher rushed across a busy road (safely, but it was very busy) to tell me how good a writer he was and how much she hoped he'd carry on with English. When I told him, he was slightly bashful about how much he'd liked English lessons at his 'bog-standard' comp (this was after he'd left), he'd kept that very quiet!

as you seem down this evening. Teaching is a very tough profession, if you decide you've given it your all but need to move on, I wish you lots of luck, but as you sound like a superb teacher, I hope you carry on in a school that is more supportive of teachers.

OP, it does sound like you are in spectacularly shit school with spectacularly ineffective management. I don't have experience of working for schools, but I work for a university where people pay tons of money for their degrees. I certainly don't mark assignments that I believe are plagiarised, and if I suspect anyone of plagiarism, there are established procedures I follow to investigate the case. Plagiarism is simply not tolerated in any form. Anybody not giving a shit about the lessons can continue not giving a shit as long as they sit quietly in the back of the class and don't disturb those who do care.

It's possibly because you're an English teacher, you're expecting not just to teach them stuff, but inspire them too.

I'm a maths teacher, if I can get them through the syllabus and by the end of the year they don't hate my subject then I feel like I'm winning. Some kids say that they enjoy my lessons and some say that I teach in a way that they understand when they haven't before. Those are the comments I hold onto over the ones where kids say stuff is boring.

I had a really tough A-level group last year, it was like wading through treacle, they were so unmotivated and expected to pass even though I was working way harder than them, and way harder than I'd done for previous classes. I'd set them an exam paper and they'd hand in answers clearly copied from the mark scheme. How dare they waste my time like that! As I told them. But I had nicer classes lower down the school to make up for them

Have you seen the black dot thing? If there's a black dot in a white square it's easy to focus on the black dot and ignore the white. But the dot is small and there's lots of white that you should be giving equal attention to. Don't focus on the black dot.

If, on the other hand, the black dot is actually massive, then move schools.

And don't let your happiness be dependent on the kids.

I had a moment like the one you're having OP, not so long ago. I couldn't stomach another marking session, another conversation with a parent where I was made to feel like a failure or another meeting with the head where I was told to meet targets despite them being impossible (where there's a will, there's a way!). I lost all enthusiasm for it when once upon a time it was my whole life.

I left teaching last year, I now manage an office and I love it. OP life is too short to spend it doing something you don't like. I lost all enthusiasm for teaching and I can see how it happened, pretty much the same is happening to you now. I'd maybe try another school, but all schools have similar issues

Just dropping options: move to primary? Adult teaching? Tutoring? (Lots of academies around grammars usually) English as a second language? (Lots of fun there, motivated students mostly) Examiner for AQA, etc? (< all at home), Private proofreading for university researchers/ students? Language assistant abroad? Teaching at university? Writing content for webs? Editing?

I hope you either find a better school and reignite the passion, or find a good alternative that makes you happy.

I love reading and always have but I hated English literature and was only there because I had to be. I like to read books and come to my own conclusions; dissecting books always spoiled them for me. I hated reading with an agenda. To me reading is for pleasure.

Don't take it personally OP. Not everyone loves all the subjects they are made to do at GCSE. Did you?

If you really hate teaching then leave. Life is too short.

PeppermintTeaPlease Fri 28-Oct-16 21:03:09

"But I'm an idiot for not understanding this long ago. I don't belong in teaching. At all. I should have stayed in academia. Or become a lawyer. "

Be careful about academia if you are troubled by spending evenings and weekends on seemingly pointless paperwork. My part time contract basically means I only end up working a full time week; my colleagues who are on full time contracts do work weekends as well- and very late in the evenings. Important messages regarding department business are often sent out at 10 0'clock on a Saturday evening. We have the same plagiarism issues and issues with students who don't want to be there and we have to deal with a lot of pastoral issues. The paperwork is snow-balling- everything has to be evaluated, written down, entered into online folders that change their format all the time. If students do badly, it reflects on you. If you push students hard to get them to do better and they don't like it, that will reflect on you too (evaluation questionnaires). Very few academics (hardly any in humanities) can choose not to teach or not to take on extra administrative tasks (we no longer have the support staff we did).

At the same time most academics have to publish, to an international standard- and these days that means they have to pull in the money for their own research from external sources. An awful lot of time is spent writing grant applications that go nowhere. You are also expected to be able to demonstrate impact on the wider community- which again cannot be done without a massive paper trail.

It's my job and I love it; can't imagine anything else I'd rather do. But it is hardly a 9-5 job these days- and certainly not a job where you can hope to be cosseted from tedious paperwork. And the pay is only good if you make the higher grades: lots of people don't.

Not saying an academic's life is particularly hard, only that you can't hope for a professional job these days that only covers normal working hours. Since there are many teachers on here who talk about the long working days, it is easy to imagine that this is somehow specific to the teaching profession. If we had as many lawyers or chartered accountants or academics or GPs identifying themselves as such on MN and talking about working conditions, we might get a different picture. (My GP had a heart attack after working silly hours for years trying to keep the surgery running on his own)

Doesn't mean you shouldn't think seriously about your future or stay in a job that is making you unhappy. But maybe have a longer think about whether it is teaching as such that is making you unhappy or this particular school (which honestly doesn't sound brilliant), whether there is a chance that a similar job in a more supportive school would be better, or whether you need to change direction altogether.

the whole lack of respect from children and parents, expectations for high grades on shoddy work and pupils' failure to gain good marks being the teacher's fault.

This is basically down to the education academics who've been spreading the unwarranted idea that "all children naturally love to learn" for the last 50 years. It's all over our culture, and particularly in the Guardian and the TES. Why are we surprised that parents (and head-teachers) who've been repeatedly told this by "experts" believe it? And consequently believe that if their kids aren't learning, it must be the teachers' fault?

Sure, very young children mostly love to learn. But as they get older, and learning begins to require actual work and effort, their enthusiasm naturally diminishes, they start preferring certain subjects, they get distracted by other priorities. We used to know this, and we ran our schools accordingly. Now we burn out our teachers in a few years, and leave kids under-educated, because we've forgotten it.

True. Like in this cartoon that I'm sure you've seen before.

You're not being unreasonable but you are being unreasonable about expecting the kids to read all the set texts.

When I was at school we read the books together and then teacher set a chapter or two to read, which was hen summarised.

Many people doing English degrees don't read all the books and still do very well. Just because a child is not interested in curriculum texts, it doesn't mean they're not interested in language or literature. They might read things they enjoy and be as fed up as you.

I'm afraid you're there to help them jump through the required hoops. That's education now and yes it's shit and I'm not surprised you're down hearted.

Remember, to one or two pupils each year, you might be that inspirational teacher who ignited the passion that takes them into writing or journalism.

Do you run any clubs or societies so you can meet with pupils who are genuinely interested and talented? It might help you have more faith that you're a brilliant teacher!

My son has autism and his flexible thinking issues make inference and deduction, as required in English very hard for him. On the other hand he got 100 percent in his computing exam. However he knows that he needs an English GCSE.
He enjoys reading as it happens. However his only chance of passing his GCSE is to 'learn and regurgitate" the key themes and accompanying quotes for each set text. Thankfully his teacher, who understands that he us a bright boy who has a genuine difficulty with inference and opinion (so much more anxiety provoking for an autistic kid than facts and data), has taken on this challenge and has adapted his teaching materials for my son. It breaks my heart a little that my son trying to do it the only way he has a chance - by learning by heart, regurgitating, and reproducing - is so frowned upon by so many of you. He needs a teacher prepared to take a scientific approach to the teaching of English and thank God he has one. Sounds like many of you would write him off as a D student.
OP, the kids who get it and who are inspired are a gift. As a teacher, they aren't the only kids worthy of your input. Are you certain that the plagiarists are lazy? Could it be that they are confused, lacking confidence, poor at inference?

oldbirdy makes a good point about plagiarism, actually

I have conducted a fair few academic integrity meetings over the years: I can remember one case of complete immoral bullshitting, a few cases of students who probably couldn't care less, and a large number of students who didn't mean it to go this far, who panicked, who were overwhelmed or ill or suffering from extreme anxiety or even more serious MH issues, or who simply got their notes hopelessly muddled. They have to be told off, sometimes they have to be punished- but they haven't made me lose faith in humanity.

Oldbirdy - not wanting to derail, but the teaching you are describing for your son's English gcse can only be about the English Literature course, as it is the only one with previous studies texts now. The English language is the one which he 'needs' and this is all now unseen extracts (from fiction and non fiction) so there's no way of learning and regurgitating anything for this course. You might need to speak with the teacher some more?

*previously studied texts

It's the best thing my husband ever did. He's so much happier no and we have far more family time, he's less stressed and more present. Do it!

boss witch - he's fucked then..! I remember English language as writing stories...I was going to teach him the 7 basic plots and have been reminding him that the examiner will not know if he rewrites a story he has written before. Is Eng Lang just an 'unseen' copy of Eng lit nowadays, then?

If you are in an IB school you should have an academic honesty policy, which should mention plagiarism. If you don't have one then suggest you need one, go to the Academic Honesty forum on the OCC for ideas.

Depending on the exam board, Eng Lang does involve some unseen skills but is still more about interpreting and writing non fiction texts for specific audiences and purposes. So broad protocols can be taught though your ds might struggle to get anything better than a grade 4 if he really doesn't get nuances. However, one of Gove's reforms was to make Lit and Lang both of equal value so if he can pass Lit, it counts for him.

Oldbirdy You can look at the GCSE course specifications on line to see what is required, which might help. You'll need to know which exam board the school is using for his English classes, but that information is often available on the school's website, with a bit of hunting.

Remembering my own school years, even though i love reading, the literature curriculum was utterly dull. Had a brilliant teacher, but even she couldn't help it.

Change your career. This one isn't worth it.

Hi OP,

I am very sympathetic to you, and absolutely recognise where you're coming from. My advice is ultimately the same as several other people's, though: change schools.

I am an English teacher, and have taught IB. Until recently, I worked in a difficult comprehensive, and then gave it all up for my sanity, to go and work in an elite independent. It IS a lot easier......but it grates on my sanity.

Several things:

• a number of the elite private schools I have come across (not just mine!) don't do stuff that has been seen as normal in the state sector for decades. I suspect this is just because it is so much easier to work there, that the staff (like yours!) are massively out of touch. An example of this, is data-tracking. Do you have Midyis/ Yellis/ Alis data available? I bet you do. I also bet just one teacher sits around in their office playing around with it, possibly analysing it to build up your, 'elite public school curve' showing that you attain higher grades than the rest of the population. But I bet this information is not made public knowledge. I've fought for this in my school. Honestly, it took me a year (and the support of SLT), AND I had to give training to staff to basically show them what it was for. We've only released it to students and parents this September- and several of the staff have since come to me to say that it has changed their lives. Your school needs to use this information (and your school's adjusted analysis of it) to re-educate your parents. It's very difficult to have those ridiculous conversations with parents if they've got the actual facts in front of them.

-And.....data tracking again. What are you using? I realise at the IB level you're probably using the assessment criteria (hopefully!), but what about everywhere else? If you're working with a HOD from the ark, do they have a valid system that students are familiar with which you can use to justify your comments/ grades? Erm, I'm only asking because I was in a meeting with English teachers from a certain very exclusive school recently....and they basically assign letter grades/ number scales to pieces of work on a fairly random basis, using their 'feeling' as the justification. Obviously their data is not measurable and students aren't clear about what exactly it is they need to do in order to improve.

• technology is your friend, here. Use it. It takes very little time to familiarise yourself with the relevant websites for each text. I get students to compile a class 'wiki' using our internal intranet to cut and paste sections which they consider to be useful from all over the internet. This is SUCH an easy homework for me....but also SUCH an easy way of preventing cheating, because it shows them that you know all about the most interesting sites. I also sometimes assign Mr Bruff videos for the same reason (plus, Mr Bruff, if you're reading you're a legend.....but most of them are a little dull. It makes the kids appreciate me).

• I'm not actually sure Mr Keating was a very good teacher. This is not a comment about you, as I haven't a clue, but I bet he had no idea about whether his students were actually making any progress.

• Erm., even in my lovely independent, with its high-achieving, brilliant students, I've never set them reading that I couldn't check up on. I don't trust them. Yes, the IB is a bit different in that students do have to read more than you can possibly teach....but I'm afraid I expected a certain amount of bluffing from them. You just need to manage your bluffing. Book presentations? Getting them to explain to the class why they loved it, and read out passages? Yes, they might not have actually read all of it....but they'd have to read some.

Ultimately I'll probably go back to the state sector. It is very nice having no behavioural problems and classes of 15.....but I do find working with people whose main teaching qualification is their 20 year old PhD a little irritating. It's much nicer to work with people who, erm, know how to teach.

Good luck!