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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think pamper parties for small girls are a bit sad?

106 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 28/10/2016 13:01

My friend's dd with be 7 in December and is having a pamper party when they each get their hair and make up done and have a mini manicure or pedicure.
On one hand I guess it's no different to dressing up but on the other it sort of seems worse because it's so focused on appearance. It's the beginning of the trout pout and selfies. At 7 I'd have had no idea about getting my make up done. I know it's just how things are now and a lot of the little girls are the same but they are pretty without makeup on aren't they? It's sad that already they feel they have to look different.

I think even if if was just nails and hair it doesn't seem so sad, but make up seems really unnecessary.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Haudyerwheesht · 28/10/2016 15:28

Dd and her friends are all turning 6 just now and parties she's been invited to:

Soft play - quite a few
Mini zoo party
Make up session and pizza party
Crazy golf party
Bowling party
Traditional party at home
Build a bear party

She loved them all including the make up. I don't see the difference between that and getting their faces painted tbh. In her eyes it's just playing make believe.

RitchyBestingFace · 28/10/2016 15:28

Actually it sounds quite fun when I've put it that way. I think Julie Burchill has written about how "pampering" is sublimation for frustrated housewives.

The last (and absolutely last) two pamperings for me have been a) on a cruise where the "therapist" spent the whole time aggressively trying to upsell product and b) Claris debenhams - awful tetchy posh girl who kept complaining about everything and was shit.

Never again, never.

LyndaNotLinda · 28/10/2016 15:28

I agree. Grim

Haudyerwheesht · 28/10/2016 15:29

Can I add too that the make up was lip gloss, glittery eye shadow, hair mascara and a wee bit blusher. Not contouring and fake eyelashes. They see it as a treat they don't see it as making them look better, just different .

SkaterGrrrrl · 28/10/2016 15:42

YANBU.

My DD is 6 and I'm going to fight to protect the last carefree years she has left, before she realises that our fucked up society is going to judge and value her for her looks.

EveOnline2016 · 28/10/2016 15:45

I have a 7 year old and the hairdresser i takes her to also does her nails ( as in nail vanish)

Nothing wrong imo to let little girls have makeup ect.

SkaterGrrrrl · 28/10/2016 15:47

"Every time we go shopping or to a pharmacy she literally begs me for make up/ nail varnish. She loves me styling her hair. Therefore she would have so much fun at one of these parties and ultimately her happiness is more important to me than my opinions on preening."

Children would like to do lots of things which could damage them. My 4 year old son would like to drive out car.

Your job as a parent is to think these things through and say no, in order to protect them.

My DD is going to encounter plenty of sexist bullshit in her life but I'm damned if it's going to happen on my watch, at the age of 7, because I accepted an invitation to a pamper party.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 28/10/2016 15:47

YANBU, imo they're awful.

HelenaJustina · 28/10/2016 15:52

I turned down an invite for my 6yr old to attend one over the summer. We occasionally do nail varnish at home in school holidays! but I wasn't comfortable with the concept for such young children, I want my DD to feel beautiful as she is for as long as possible.

Nurszilla · 28/10/2016 15:52

I really don't think letting your child wear nail varnish is comparable to letting your child drive a car Hmm

MiaowTheCat · 28/10/2016 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 28/10/2016 15:59

I'm not a fan of them. The word 'pamper' sets my teeth on edge.

brasty · 28/10/2016 16:07

Agree that getting these things done as an adult is boring as shit. Why would I put a young girl through that? And of course it encourages them to think about how they look. When they should just be playing.

noeffingidea · 28/10/2016 16:07

don'tpanicpyke of course you don't have to invite boys but I don't understand why they would be excluded. I invited all my kids friends, and they happened to be girls and boys. I would find it a bit odd if they only had friends of one sex, tbh.

KittyAlPick · 28/10/2016 16:12

Like previous posters I HATE anything like massages, facials and painted nails. I manage mascara each morning and that's it. Don't even take it off at night.

DD on the other hand ADORES all that sort of thing. Always has. She had a pamper party at about that age where they had hair curled and up, nails painted and glittery make up. She'd seen leaflets for it and chose it. The other girls obviously enjoyed it as they had similar things for theirs later in the year.

She doesn't wear make up for school (now 13). And it's never stopped her doing things like Scouts, Aerial Extreme, sledging etc. You can do both. The only party I've turned down on her behalf was at macdonalds. The make up washes off but that would have been absorbed into her body! Ugh.

PippaFawcett · 28/10/2016 16:13

I agree!

ShesAStar · 28/10/2016 16:18

It's only 'hideous' and 'grim' if you're conditioning the DC to like it. Some DC love hair, make-up and clothes naturally.

I am very unprincessy - I hate nail varnish, I have no understanding of how people tolerate 'gel nails' - lipstick feels horrible to me. I'm potter by trade, its not glamours. However I have a 4 year old DD who is obsessed with nail varnish, pretty dresses, having her hair done, pink, glitter etc. She didn't get this from me, it's in her to like that stuff.

I indulge it just like I indulge my DS's love of The Romans, Lego, Minecraft etc. It won't do her any harm to paint her toes and feel happy that they sparkle, why would it matter if she and her friends went together and got sparkly toes and braids in their hair? If they were then paraded in front of an audience and scored on their appearance I would have a huge problem, but they're not.

I grew up in the 80s/90s, I had children's make up by a brand called 'Twinkle', the nail varnish used to peel off. It's had no negative effect on me. If it's okay for boys and girls to romp round Quaser (laser shooting game), I think it must be okay for girls who are that way inclined to go to a 'beauty party' or whatever it's called.

LyndaNotLinda · 28/10/2016 16:35

No, ShesAStar - little girls are socially conditioned to love hair, make-up and clothes. There's nothing 'natural' about it.

And it's not about children - it's girls. It's teaching girls that making yourself pretty is fun. It's nothing like a laser quest party

coldcanary · 28/10/2016 16:41

A few years ago I would have agreed with the OP but DD1 went to one at the same age which sounds quite similar to one up thread - hair done up with some spray glitter, sparkly eyes - mostly glitter related to be honest! Then snacks and drinks finished off with karaoke. All done in a salon, all of them hot sweaty and smudged by the end of it. She loved it surprisingly as she wasn't (and still isn't) particularly bothered by things like that.
Done well and with an eye on keeping it fun they can be good.

AmeliaJack · 28/10/2016 16:42

I'm always quite surprised that some people think it's unreasonable to tell your children the truth about Santa and where babies come from because "they shouldn't grow up too soon" but are quite happy for small girls to have their naturally beautiful faces painted like teenagers.

RitchyBestingFace · 28/10/2016 16:44

The car analogy isn't quite right - but I can see where the PP is coming from.

I think a comparable thing would be letting your 7 year old DS go on an army or military style 'shooting' party - I"m sure he'd have fun but I wouldn't allow it because of the message it was sending.

RiverTam · 28/10/2016 16:45

Grim. DD is 7 soon and would have no more idea of having a party like this than fly in the air, none of the 7th birthdays she's been to have been anything other than regular little children parties. She wants to have a wizard party Grin.

Gottagetmoving · 28/10/2016 17:02

Yuk!
I hate pamper parties for adults never mind for little girls of 7. Hmm

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 28/10/2016 17:17

YANBU. Thank God I only have boys! I think that it is awful that young girls should be encouraged to have parties like this at that age.

Lunar1 · 28/10/2016 17:18

These started in year one at our school and caused some real nightmares between parents. The girls have all had these parties, only inviting girls. So one mum of a boy thought great, I can halve the party cost, and organised a football party just inviting the boys.

She was called every name under the sun because of course girls could play football and why was she being so sexist. The mums from these pamper parties couldn't see the double standard at all!