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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want more in a final settlement from ex

118 replies

Nosocksevermatchup · 28/10/2016 09:50

We have split up, sold the house and we will get half each.

I want more than half as my ex has three other houses,vehicle he owns outright, a business and a pension which I am not entitled to as we weren't married. All of these were bought while we were together with 'his' money. This is one of the main reasons we split
He says I'm not entitled to any more than this as I received some inheritance when my mum recently died, this equates to less than the value one of his houses.
I know by law I'm not entitled to any more as we were never married.
Am I being unreasonable to ask? He has always been financially controlling. Or should I just walk away?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosocksevermatchup · 28/10/2016 09:51

I'll just add, together 30 years, two children.

OP posts:
MillionToOneChances · 28/10/2016 09:52

Do you have children you need to provide a home for? Did you pay more than half the costs of this house while he was buying other houses?

If so, maybe. If not, it's annoying but probably not.

ChristmasEvePJs · 28/10/2016 09:53

If you are legally not entitled to any more is there actually anything you can do? He sounds horrid.

AndShesGone · 28/10/2016 09:53

I'd definitely see a solicitor. If this is all bought when together then yes I think there should be a more equal division.

You MUST see one.

MillionToOneChances · 28/10/2016 09:55

Ahh, cross post. Kids grown up?

I don't think there's any harm in arguing for it. Better to have some tricky conversations now than live in poverty needlessly. Do you have a pension yourself? The finances seem very tipped in his favour.

Inthenick · 28/10/2016 09:55

You need to walk away. It's horrible, horrible. But you were not legally married and this is one of the main downsides of not being married.

30 years should stand for something but it doesn't when it comes to finances and not being married so you would be best to try your hardest it to let the anger and bitterness swallow you up and ruin the next 30 years of your life.

Do you have a job and enough money to buy/rent a new home?

MillionToOneChances · 28/10/2016 09:55

And I agree, definitely see a solicitor.

Inthenick · 28/10/2016 09:58

If you do see a solicitor, be very clear about your realistic chances of gaining more (listen to their advice) before going down the court route. It could take years and do permanent damage to your mental and emotional health for not much more or only to lose. So don't go down that route without your eyes wide open.

FluffyFluffster · 28/10/2016 09:58

Here, a de facto relationship has all the legal rights as a marriage when it comes to this sort of thing. See a lawyer and get proper advice.

Emochild · 28/10/2016 10:04

Did you have joint accounts when you were together ?

ImperialBlether · 28/10/2016 10:07

Sorry, FluffyFluffster, but that is absolute rubbish.

Butterproperbutter · 28/10/2016 10:07

I can't imagine it would be easy to argue for more TBH as you never married.
Maybe if you worked in the business? Put money in to the business/houses?

You could see a solicitor I guess, but make sure you know what your chances are before going to court.

Don't spend years of you now free life fighting for money you might never see, you are free now and can be happy don't waste that chance to be happy

Pumpkinpie71 · 28/10/2016 10:12

I think as you weren't married it would make it a long fight that you have no guarantees you would win. Could your emotional health cope with that?

You could see a solicitor for advice and see what they say. Be prepared for it to end up costing you god knows how much in fees if you go down the court route.

Your free of him now, personally that would be my prize and I'd walk away. Be happy and go and live your life

ZoeTurtle · 28/10/2016 10:15

Are the children going to be living with you most of the time? If so I think you should certainly have the "marital" home - in your name if it's mortgage free, and with the same mortgage contribution from him as before if it isn't. Any decent father would want to do that for their children.

As for the rest of it, I'm not so sure. Depends on so many factors.

SheldonCRules · 28/10/2016 10:16

YABVU, you want your cake and eat it it seems. You didn't put your inheritance in the "pot" so how on earth can you expect an ex boyfriend to give you his houses and pensions he actually worked for?

You could have worked and done the same as him, i.e. had a business/career, bought a car, pension etc nobody was stopping you.

Inthenick · 28/10/2016 10:20

Sheldon, life is not so simple.

Although it is easy to kick someone when they are down.

Roseformeplease · 28/10/2016 10:21

"nobody was stopping you" - but he was. She was bringing up children and he was away working. Or do you think the 2 children were brought up by the fairies?

Trifleorbust · 28/10/2016 10:24

Marriage provides the protection you are now expecting. I really don't mean to sound harsh because it's not a nice situation, but did you never give any thought to your legal rights? Did you do childcare and take a backwards step professionally, without thinking about how you might provide for yourself later?

atticusclaw2 · 28/10/2016 10:25

You were not married and so I'm afraid you have very limited rights. It would probably be worth you speaking to a solicitor and getting confirmation of this though

Ginslinger · 28/10/2016 10:30

Hey Sheldon - that's pretty nasty. She was bringing up children and running the house so that he could go off and earn 'his' money.

Flowers to you and get some legal advice.

SansasEscape · 28/10/2016 10:32

How patronizing to refer to someone's partner of 30 years as an ex-boyfriend!

Eatthecake · 28/10/2016 10:32

Not being married will make it very difficult indeed.

By all means see a solicitor for advice. If you go for the court route make sure you mental well being cam cope with that? Because it will not be easy. Make sure you can afford it, as it will be costly.
Him with his best solicitor isn't just going to lay down and hand it over I'm afraid

Your free on him now OP

I'd say fuck him and his money because I would be free and live out my life happy which is loads better than being with someone you don't want to be

Marynary · 28/10/2016 10:33

Definitely speak to a solicitor. If you did proportionally more childcare and this enabled him to build up his business, I would have thought that you might have a case.

lunchboxtroubles · 28/10/2016 10:34

Too late now but this thread should be shown to every co habiting couple with children. Why on earth didn't you get married?

grannytomine · 28/10/2016 10:39

Hope you can get some more but just wanted to say that some people are jumping to conclusions. The OP doesn't say she was bringing up children and so had no chance to work/start a business. For all we know they shared bringing up the children and she had a great career. Might not be so but it seems funny in the 21st century that people jump to the conclusion that being a mother means you can''t have a career and that men never parent their kids and where does it say he was away working?

Anyway good luck OP.