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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my 3 year old out of 'term time' with his Childminder

59 replies

whyamIheree · 27/10/2016 21:35

My Son has just turned 3 (i4 days ago). He gets 15 free hours as I'm currently on income support. I live a very isolated live, away from my Family. I moved here for my now ex as he is from here. His Family see our Son every week.

My Parents do not drive and are carers for my Autistic nephew who they have every weekend (Brother has serious disabilities himself and is a Single Parent). I try and go down to visit my Parents when it's convenient and stay for two weeks. I love it, My Son absolutely loves it. He goes to the seaside, he plays with his Cousins, he never wants to go home.

I chose a good childminder for my Son who he sees for 15 hours a week. He enjoys it, I wouldn't say he absolutely loves it but he's happy to go and play with the children.

I wasn't able to go to my Parents this half term so I had planned to go in three weeks time but my Son's Dad has said I'm not taking him out of term time with his Childminder. I was like 'what term time'. Now I'm sorry but it's not like he's 4 and in compulsory education! He's only just turned 3!!! The Childminder doesn't ind as she gets paid anyway. He learns more with my Parents than he does with her as he gets so much attention and love.

I don't see any problem in visiting my parents for two weeks with my 3 year old. AIBU?

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 27/10/2016 22:10

I don't know about a crush - it sounds more like he's trying to undermine your parenting by praising the CM rather than you. Bit of a twat, IMO. And of course you can take your child whenever you want.

BitchQueen90 · 27/10/2016 22:11

To the "term time" comments, the 15 free hours are term time only so he will not be at the childminders in the holidays. Presuming that's what the OP ex means by term time.

Anyway, YANBU I take my 3yo for holidays in term time. It's not compulsory education until school.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 27/10/2016 22:14

I also had funding available from two, although I chose not to take it, because of DS's speech delay (now diagnosed with ASD)

thisisafakename · 27/10/2016 22:20

Bonkers system that someone not working gets free hours though

Because research has shown that it's vital for children from disadvantaged backgrounds to have access to nursery school education in an attempt to stop them suffering additional disadvantages when they start school. It's done for the children, not the parents.

gillybeanz · 27/10/2016 22:24

OP, I have to say his.
If your son enjoys it so much with your family, can you not move back again while your ds in young and not in school.
Do you have friends there too.

I moved for my dh work, I knew nobody there. I know for sure had we not worked out I'd have gone back like a flash.

yesterdaysunshine · 27/10/2016 22:26

He's not in a nursery but a childminders though and doesn't seem to be hugely enjoying it from what OP has said.

Original poster
whyamIheree · 27/10/2016 22:27

I would give almost anything to move back. I'm so unhappy here but I can't get a house swap for my council house and I can't afford to private rent. I can't move back in with my Parents. I have a professional qualification but where my parents live there's only a call for experiece people in my field. So there's a few hurdles in the way.

I have been dating my boyfriend a few months now and he has a well paying job, if we decide to move in together I could move as he can get a job anywhere. I'm just really hoping I am able to move back soon.

OP posts:
Northend77 · 27/10/2016 22:30

I don't understand what you are getting at yesterday with the nursery vs childminder - you get the free 15 hours with both settings

OP said her son doesn't love it not that he doesn't enjoy it much - many children are like this. Some just prefer to be at home with their parent/s but mixing with other children and having a break from mum and/or dad can be good for them

MrsMook · 27/10/2016 22:37

Going away in term time when the 15 hours are funded is fine. Just give notice as you normally would anyway. Regular attendance is part of the conditions of funding from the council, but a holiday for a couple of weeks wouldn't be in breech of that anyway.

Original poster
whyamIheree · 27/10/2016 22:39

The argument that children of parents who don't work shouldn't get free childcare has been done to death. It's an initiative at the moment, so it doesn't really solve anything disagreeing with it. I actually used my hours to qualify in a Professional job. I couldn't have afforded to finish my final year of my Masters without it so I wasn't sat down doing nothing.

I've actually found applying for jobs and attending interviews far harder than any paid job I've ever done. It's stressful and depressing. So I have found those childfree hours invaluable.

OP posts:
19Hannah · 27/10/2016 22:49

Yesterdaysunshine- 100% with you.. child free hours and for sanity Shock I thought these people were 'paid' to look after the child themselves so why the free nursery that some of us pay over £1200 a month for!

Thisisafakename - why not free for everyone then?

Original poster
whyamIheree · 27/10/2016 22:51

If you disagree with the free hours please start a thread somewhere else. This isn't a discussion on the right and wrongs of it.

OP posts:
yesterdaysunshine · 27/10/2016 22:52

I understand it's not your fault op and I've no gripe with you but the system Flowers

I suppose Northend nursery is more about socialising and playing with other children but a childminder is a home away from home.

Original poster
whyamIheree · 27/10/2016 22:53

Fair enough, but that's not what this thread is discussing. It's completely irrelevant to the thread.

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 27/10/2016 22:53

Yes, lets just give education to those who work and pay for it Shock
Disgusting attitude.

yesterdaysunshine · 27/10/2016 22:54

It's not education though is it, as established!

gillybeanz · 27/10/2016 23:00

Of course it's bloody education.
We learn from birth, the OP son will be learning lots.
It is for the benefit of the child and anybody who doesn't want a child to benefit has a disgusting attitude imo.
For once the system does seem to be right.

yesterdaysunshine · 27/10/2016 23:01

It's a bit patronising to assume that because someone is claiming benefits they can't adequately parent their child but carry on criticising my "disgusting attitude."

Imstickingwiththisone · 27/10/2016 23:02

It is education from 3 as they follow an early years curriculum which reception also comes under. There are benefits for 2 year olds from a social point of view also. Obviously the childminder looks after other children too so it still involves socialising and playing with other children but in a different environment.

OP your ex sounds like a dick and of course there is nothing wrong with taking a child to visit family instead of to non compulsory free education. Is it because it messes up visits that he is being awkward?

5madthings · 27/10/2016 23:05

Well no its not education as school it's early years and it's been shown to improve outcomes and help children with a disadvantage hence the op bring entitled to it from age two rather than age three. All children get it from age three. And the childminder will still have to fulfil the same requirements as nursery or pre school to be able to offer to provide the 'free' hours. Not all childminders do I think they have to register.

Your ex is being ridiculous, my kids had the free 15 hrs but we would miss it sometimes just because they were tired or it was sunny so we went to the beach or holiday, as long as we informed pre school and went regularly it was fine. I never 'needed' the 15 hrs as my husband works and I am sahp but all children are entitled to it from the term after their third birthday so I used it for my younger three children.

Btw am pretty sure the childminder is a socialising experience, there are likely other kids there and they go out etc, yes it's a more homely experience but they will still be fulfilling the early years targets etc which is what the free hours are for.

drivingmisspotty · 27/10/2016 23:07

Sorry for further derail but not all childminders can offer the free hours - they have to show they are also following the early years curriculum exactly as a nursery that offers the hours does. (FWIW learning at that age is better if not formal anyway - there is so much to learn from being outside and enjoying the world with an attentive adult and a few peers).

drivingmisspotty · 27/10/2016 23:07

Cross post!

gillybeanz · 27/10/2016 23:08

Where did I say the OP couldn't parent properly?
It's not about parenting, but the child learning and experiencing different environments.

yesterdaysunshine · 27/10/2016 23:10

That's the attitude though gilly. I didn't say (or intend to imply and apologies if I did!) that YOU had said this but offering free childcare hours to parents on benefits is essentially saying 'get them out of the house as the parent is useless' which is patronising.

Much better to have a certain number of places available and consider them on an individual basis.

gillybeanz · 27/10/2016 23:17

Sorry yesterday, I read your post in completely the wrong way Thanks
I don't think they are saying this, well not everyone anyway.
I was very fortunate and able to meet other mums when we lived in the country.
It was bleak, no available childcare, so we all had to lump in together.
We found strength in numbers and our kids started school really well.

I know so many parents on low income and benefits who can't afford nor have the resources to provide this early learning and socialisation skills. I know it wasn't you but comments of others having to pay £1200 a month don't help.
The OP hasn't got £1200 a month, or the amount it would cost for 15 hours, should her child suffer because of this.