To ask who to call when you can't cope any more?

[puglife15]

Posting for traffic

Called DH but then told him to carry on to work as can't afford for him to jeopardise work. No family within hundreds of miles. I know my two closest friends are busy / away today.

Do you have a walk in centre locally? You could go there if you do and explain about your GP, if you really don't want to see the duty GP.

Ask dh to book a week of work so yu can get to the GP and catch up on some well needed sleep

Please book the appointment for three weeks time. If by the time you get there you've seen someone else then great. If not at least you have that.

Thanks

There isn't a playgroup near here any more nor a sure start centre. There's a play place a few miles away but my older one doesn't like it much and parking is a nightmare. He quite likes soft play but I find it impossible with baby as he wants me to go in it with him.

I normally make plans with friends but had to cancel as just couldn't face it this morning.

This weekend try and go out as a family, even to the park to see the autumn leaves. I always felt better when I got outside and realised that life carried on. Fresh air will make you feel better, even though the effort may seem enormous.
Would it be possible to find a child minder for the children 1 morning a week to help?

Sometimes it's okay for them to be left to cry, Puglife. You need to look after your mental health first and foremost. I would put the kids in one room (somewhere safe) and go into another room. On this occasion I would definitely ask my DH to come home. I hope you hear from the HV soon.

My older one goes to pre school so some days I don't have them both all day. Today just started really badly with them both screaming and I just snapped.

Hi Puglife, I ve just found your thread. I ve got a 3 and a 1 years old, they are exhausting. I try to get out as much as possible for my own well being.

Something on your post is ringing bells to me. Get your GP to do a blood test, you might are lacking sthg. When I had mine done last year, they found I have hypothyroidism which can cause exhaustion, sleepless nights, mood changes, irritability, anxiety, carpal tunnel, depression ....I didn't realize then how many things are affected by the tyroid.

Hope you get the help you need soon

Thanks, I wouldn't be surprised if it something like that as feel extremely physically run down.

The crisis team were helpful and I'm seeing them tomorrow. Feel a bit scared that they will try to take my children away... They won't will they??

Hope you're feeling abit better

I doubt it very much, Puglife. Be clear that you are looking for support to parent well. You obviously love your children very much and are just struggling at the moment with the stress involved and with a particularly tricky 8 month old! If everyone who sometimes felt that way had their kids taken away, social services would have a revolution on their hands

Hi haven't read all of thread but finding your local mental health crisis team is first step. Well done on that.

No they won't try to take your kids away. They may offer support service to give you a break from your kids but uou retain parental responsiility. Getting help and alerting people when you are struggling and not just battling on potentially leaving children at risk is good parenting.
If you are physically xnd mentally at the end some local authorities run play centres or have emergency carers who can look after your kids for half a day 24 hours etc while you take the time to just recuperate. None of that means they think you aren't a fit parent and they are trying to take your children away. In fact accepting help to make sure your kids are safe and well looked after is evidence of a responsible parent making good decisions for their children's welfare in a difficult situation. Please font worry about this. Just get help and get a break if one is offered as long term that should help you look after your children

In three years you have grown two people in your body, then stayed up all night and day feeding them and looking after them with very little support. I challenge any one to feel good under those circumstances!! Be kind to yourself, you are doing a fantastic job and take any support offered, they won't take your kids!

Hi Pug, i was thinking of you, how did you get on today?

I don't know what area you are in, but we have self-referral in our area called steps to change. I just found it online. Did a self referral last week as suffering badly with anxiety and depression. They were pretty good, and would avoid having to speak to the horrible GP and make process faster for you if you have something similar.

Thank you for asking, feeling a bit better today. Saw crisis team and they are going to put a suggested plan together for me next week. Going to talk to HV too and a local charity supporting mums.

Pretty sure I will be diagnosed with PND... I feel like having enough sleep and a bit more respite would make the world of difference though, and that is the root of my issues, it's frustrating.

Chatted to friends and had a break this afternoon. Unfortunately DC not on good form (baby unwell and screaming, older DC being v challenging and not sleeping) but I need to accept that is what it is.

I know how you feel, my son was ill for 2 years and I was so sleep deprived I heard voices and saw black things creeping in my walls.

Can I ask why your kids aren't sleeping? Is it 1 or both? What's happening through the night? My son would wake every couple of hours, beg for drinks, he would snore and it was like he was having night terrors.
Sounds like you other half is feeling it too. Sleep deprivation is horrific, I don't think anyone can truly understand unless they've suffered it.

Mysister baby has reflux and also has been ill on and off with colds etc for about 6 weeks.

Older one just wakes up a fair bit and won't go back without a cuddle, plus wakes super early. DH takes care of older one usually.

I'm so angry this morning. Baby is in pain, been awake since 3 having finally got to sleep at midnight with 3/4 wake ups during that time, I gave up and DH took over around 5 so I could finally get a bit of sleep.

Within 5 mins the older one awoke, but he screams if I go near him and only wants his daddy :( I feel like such a shit parent. What sort of mum am I that my own child hates me? He wouldn't even look at me. He refuses to hug me or even say goodnight. We can go days without a cuddle. He cries for daddy every day at length.

What's more, his day to day behaviour can be so testing. He often screams, shouts, opposes. If something is black he argues it's white. He whines and tantrums often.

I know I'm not much fun at the moment fue to sleep deprivation / probable PND which can't help matters but it's breaking my heart and feels like it's validating all the thoughts I have about being a terrible parent, and that I should just leave. I try so hard to be patient with him and set firm, fair, loving boundaries. Yes I do lose my temper sometimes and end up shouting - especially when I'm sleep deprived - but so does DH, yet I'm the only one he seems to despise.

Terrible parents generally couldn't give a shiny shit how their parenting effects their children though and you clearly do ! So you are not terrible , massively sleep deprived and under extreme external and internal pressure , but by no means terrible

Three year olds can be incredibly testing , to use your phrase , they are learning the art of negotiation , clearly they would get any hostages killed , but they will go through a selection of behaviours to get what they want or think they want , what they want may also change during the process of negotiation just to confuse and confound , it may change once the period of negotation has passed and they have got whatever it was that they wanted and the fact that they got whatever it was they really wanted , then discovered they actually didn't want, will of course be all your fault !!!!

I think when the odd's are stacked against you , the best mantra is going to be ' All fed , no-one dead ' , at the end of some days I used to just be happy that we were all still there and they had eaten something vaguely nutrious

Haven't read the whole thread but try Samaritans when feeling low 116123 its free to call

I agree with frumpet - 3 is a hard age. I too had many days of chanting 'you are fed, warm & loved' sometimes that's enough - it has to be.

You have been very brave to ask for help. Let DH and the 3 yo get on with it for now. Just get through today xx

Hi pug life. Just checking in to see how you are, today. I can empathise with the three year old tantrums - mine tries to push all my buttons constantly as a way of getting what he wants (then crying when it does not work.). Thank Gods for the time out technique or I may have killed him by now! It's normal for them to pick their primary carer to be mad at, because they feel safe enough to do it; you won't reject them. Mine also plays up when I am caring for the baby (attention seeking) - could this be part of it for you?

Looking after young children around the clock is seriously draining. DH usually takes our eldest out for a few hours at the weekend so I can nap when the baby naps and I tend to go to bed at the same time as the DCs once or twice a week, just to catch up. Would that work for you?

Good luck.

Thanks so much to you all for taking the time to respond. I've actually had a really good day and both kids have been mostly lovely. Feel bad for moaning now!

ABC yes the behaviour is totally related to baby. He's fine when it's just me. Tough isn't it.