To ask who to call when you can't cope any more?

[puglife15]

Posting for traffic

Called DH but then told him to carry on to work as can't afford for him to jeopardise work. No family within hundreds of miles. I know my two closest friends are busy / away today.

You need to get dp home or is there a friend who can come round? You also need an emergency appointment with GP. You sound emotionally and physically exhausted. It is ok to do the bare minimal today and for the next few days tonget you through this but it sounds like you need some long term plan.

Don't bother dressing the 8 month old. Pjs are fine for babies.

Make sure the GP or even better your dp contacts the HV to explain what is going on.

Could you call the Samaritans for a chat? Just having someone to chat to can help get things in perspective? Also maybe your friend with Mh issues might be able to pop round and hold the baby for a bit so u can get some rest and then you could return the favour tomorrow? Do you have homestart in your area? They can provide practical support for parents with small children in their own home. . Everything seems worse when you're sleep deprived but sometimes its important to ask for help when you need it, OP.

So you are having such a bad time. Do you live anywhere near a children's centre or sure start centre? If you do, I'd turn up and ask if you can talk to someone. They are usually brilliant. Or is there a home start scheme in your area...worth calling then. It will take a little time to get services in places. Meanwhile make sure your gp/ midwife finds out today what a difficult time you are having.

Lots of typos...

Should read sorry not 'so'.

Hope things improve for you soon. If you just need to vent, don't hesitate to phone the Samaritans. They are there for a reason and sometimes just having someone listen can help enormously. But agree that HV and GP should be first ports of call for "real-life" help.

Also recommend buying earplugs: you will still be able to hear the kids crying/screaming but it might take the edge off for you.

I used to feel like this a lot when mine were small, and still now sometimes even though they are both school age.

I would advise getting out of the house. Even if the idea seems like a mammoth task, do it. I always used to feel infinitely better for getting out of the house.

Also as PP have said, pat yourself on the back for all the achievements. Up, dressed and fed. Do a small tidying job that will alleviated a little more stress - empty the bin, do the dishes, just one thing that will make a difference.

Then head on out. Take your time, push through, get a walk and some fresh air, don't sweat it if takes ages to achieve or you don't particularly enjoy it, just go with it, and by the time you get back you can give yourself another pat on the back and hopefully the mood will have shifted a little.

But definitely push to see HV and/or GP for some extra support

does your hv have a drop in? My DS also 8 months is a terrible sleeper, my sympathies. I feel similar today.

Oh OP I feel for you, I've felt similar at times, I have two small DCs.

I'm sorry if my advice sounds simplistic but a change in mental attitude gradually helped me, stop looking at things in their entirety and just concentrate on getting through the essential only tasks for each next 10 mins, then the next 10mins and so on, if you see what I mean. There's so much pressure on parents these days with all the advice and guidance we try to stick to. Personally I felt overwhelmed trying to keep all the plates spinning, it's tough, especially when help is not instantly available. Sleep deprivation is torture too.
Again simple advice, and I know it's easier said than done, try your best to eat healthy and grab every opportunity to sit down and rest! It will not hurt one bit to stick the kids in front of Cbeebies when you're feeling like this.
Could your DP book some emergency annual leave? Does he have an understanding employer?
Please try not to pressurise yourself, you're human and when we have the basic needs like sleep and nutrition messed about with it really can knock us for six.
Keep posting on MN for support, we're here.

DH is coming home. X

That's brilliant he's on his way. Can he take the kids out somewhere while you sleep?

So pleased help is on its way. Please be kind to yourself today.

Have you tried calling Parentline? I've no experience of them but they offer a range of services that might help, talking to a stranger can be quite cathartic. Great DH is coming home, go to bed and get some sleep. .

Glad your husband is coming home.
Ask your HV about a home start volunteer to help once a week. Home Start is a charity which helps families with children under 5. I am a volunteer and helps family once a week for a few hours. I will take the children out, play with them, hang up washing and sit and talk. Your HV can refer the family.
Try and rest, you are doing a brilliant job.

Bless you. When mine were little and just after DD was born I felt I couldn't cope. It was a very dark time in my life. It does get better and you will get your confidence back. Glad your DH is coming home.

This might sound daft but someone said to me once.."how do you eat an elephant?"
"In bite sized chunks!"
It helps me to break things down when I feel my depression rearing up.
Also remind yourself to be kind to yourself...what would you say to your best friend if she was you in your situation. Also we've all heard it many times, but eventually it will pass, it will get easier, it is true, repeat and hang onto that phrase!

So glad your DH is coming home.

I second Homestart - when the HV calls you back she can refer you for this. I have had a volunteer for over a year and she's fab.

Can you afford any childcare? I don't have much money but I have saved in other areas to get a bit of extra childcare which helps keep me on track.

I know how it feels to just feel so overwhelmed so I really do sympathise OP x

OP, I have a very challenging (on waiting list for assessment) 3yo and a 9 month old baby and no family who are able to help.

Ask your dh to come home, then get yourself to the gp and sit-and-wait for an emergency appointment (if your surgery does this).

I don't really have any other advice, but bags of sympathy. A few months ago I was so stressed my hair started falling out. Two pre-school non-sleeping children is really really hard.

Just seen that your dh is coming home, that's good, I'm glad he is supportive.

I would call your HV . They may be able to refer you to a voluntary group or Homestart ( if they still exist). I know I was offerred help when I had 4 under 6. When I had my ds2 who was born prematurely and did not sleep for months we lived In new Zealand and they had these amazing centres called plunket centres. When I got so exhausted I could barely function, I was booked in on a few occassions and they would pack you off to a wooden hut in their grounds ( they had numerous individual huts!! ) with a hot water bottle to sleep for a few hours and look after your kids/ babies!! It really was a lifesaver when i got desperate as all our family were on the other side of the world. I often think that there should be a similar scheme here in the Uk. I hope you get some support soon , where in the Uk do you live?

I've asked about Homestart already but unfortunately it's massively oversubscribed where I live and virtually impossible to get help through it, unless you're a struggling single parent. My HV is nice and comes every few weeks but they never answer the phone.

DH not helping much yet... He's really upset, I'm being horrible and we are winding each other up. I don't really want to be alone as scared but also can't face noise of kids. They aren't crying at least.

Just wanted to say sorry you are feeling this way and glad your husband is on the way.

2 kids is really really hard, and so dont feel you have failed in any way. Take care of yourself.

Shit I don't know what to do

Duty dr today told a friend that she couldn't have PND because she went into appointment smiling, so don't feel I can see them

Nice dr next appointment isn't for nearly 3 weeks :( I can't wait that long

Lovely HV just called but basically said I should talk to GP...

Is there any other way I can speak to a (sympathetic) dr outside my surgery??

Glad your DD is on his way home.
Everyone's different in the way they cope with screaming children, but I have found that it is easier for me to get out of the house as much as we can. We have a brilliant (and mostly free!) sure start centre and we end up there most days and playgroup one day a week. At least there I am not sitting on my own with only Cbeebies, a screeching todddler and a mess for company.
Your HV will sort something for you I hope.
And for you for getting to midday.

I've been where you are. I went to see my GP and she put me in contact with my local mental health crisis team and they were AMAZING. I had been putting it off for so long cos I was terrified that the doc would tell me I was being silly. You need to go and see the next GP you can and tell him about your dark thoughts and that you can't cope any longer. Really lay it on thick. Youre not exaggerating cos thats what youve said here but its hard to say these things in real life. Ask for the number for the crisis team. Get a counselling referral and accept meds.