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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social Services

92 replies

user1472640125 · 26/10/2016 13:56

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice from those that are or have worked with children's social services. I will try and keep it as brief as i can.

My three step children love with their mother and we got a court order 4 years ago and have them Friday - Sunday.

The mother has mental health issues which includes anxiety and bipolar. She is on meds.

We have serious worries regarding the conditions the children are living whilst at their mothers for example -

She does not bath or wash them
The house they live in is absolutely filthy, dog mess covers back garden and is in the house which the children are made to clean up (she has nine dogs, cats).
Kids clothes do not fit and are smelly and dirty.
They do not attend school as she claims to home school them, we know that this doesn't happen.
The 7 year old has problems with his speech which she has not sought advice for
She has been violent towards the children, thrown them against walls, hitting their he's off kitchen table, screaming at them (this has been told to us by not only the children but neighbours of hers)

Before anyone comments, I'm not a bitter bitch of a step mum making up lies, or trying to make things awkward these are all factual events.

We have contacted social services last year who put something in place for a week where she had to agree to visits now and again.

Police have also visited who have made statement s to SS that children should not be living there.

I know that a number of her neighbours have reported her for various reasons including the welfare of children and one even has recordings of her screaming at the kids. Not normal screaming!

We are genuinely concerned about the environment the kids are growing up in, what else can we do? Its awful seeing the kids on a Friday so dirty and smelling to the point they have to get straight in the shower and clothes in washing machine.

I know this will be hard to believe for most of you but none of these things I have mentioned have been exaggerated they are all factual. We are banging our heads against a brick wall and when we have spoken to social services they have said that they are not high priority and don't have the staff to look into every case.

Its so frustrating and upsetting.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 26/10/2016 14:25

Refer back to SS. If the DC are supposed to have a SW they really need to reallocate the case. As to speak to a team manager if you get no joy. This is the sort of case where something is likely to go badly wrong if it is left.

NoIsAnAnswer · 26/10/2016 14:25

You need to put it in writing and send a copy of it everyday to social services.

Go and seek legal advice.

Go and speak to the police again. Again and again until someone does something.

If it were my DC I can tell you now I would stop at nothing.

Don't family lawyers have payment plans of sorts?

SuburbanRhonda · 26/10/2016 14:27

If you feel the response from social services is unsatisfactory, your DP should phone the NSPCC helpline and report his concerns to them. Here's the number:

0808 800 5000

OlennasWimple · 26/10/2016 14:29

Complain to the councillor in charge of family services.

Seek legal advice on what you need to do now and whether just keeping them is an option (perhaps a free initial consultation could cover the basics?)

Contact the education authorities - she is only allowed to home school them if they are satisfied that she is providing a suitable education. It is possible for them to issue her with an order that says they must attend school

wonderingsoul · 26/10/2016 14:32

Thats my point itll get to court where it can be brought to the judges attention. If the farther is in the birth certificate the police can not physcially remove the children from hes care unless they are in danger.

ChocolateForAll · 26/10/2016 14:34

Some really good points here. Especially about chasing SS every single day and also calling NSPCC. Their father needs to stop at nothing here.

FoofFighter · 26/10/2016 14:34

You can self represent and put in court papers on your own, no need for solicitors to be involved or incur any costs apart from fees attached to applying. You could go to the court office tomorrow and get it applied for.

Keep shouting, daily if necessary, to SS.

Morporkia · 26/10/2016 14:34

Hassle SS, register them with your GP and get them checked over, contact LA regarding home-schooling (they should make checks) and seek advice regarding legal aid.
www.gov.uk/legal-aid/overview

wonderingsoul · 26/10/2016 14:34

poppy sorry didnt see the first update my apogizes. .

21jumpstreet · 26/10/2016 14:34

Please for the sake of those children apply to the family court and represent yourselves. How are you not banging on the door of social services every minute of every day?

FoofFighter · 26/10/2016 14:35

And ignore |advice| given to simply keep the children, you'd get yourselves into trouble then.

QuiteLikely5 · 26/10/2016 14:36

If the home conditions were truly bad, the police have the power to insist the children don't remain there.

Call SS and ask to talk to a manager stating its urgent.

NickiFury · 26/10/2016 14:36

I would keep them and she could take me to court to get them back if she was so inclined. There's a thread running in relationships at the moment where the father has refused to return the child despite there being a court order and it seems very little can be done to get him back home, that's the only similarity though, the father in that case is a complete ass hat. .

CoolCarrie · 26/10/2016 14:38

Poor children, this is awful. . As pp said call NSPCC today, the police again, and maybe Childline as well. That is appalling that the dc were dragged back, and the police saying what they did surely will carry weight with SS. Isn't it possible to have their " mother" sectioned? Then they dc would have to be placed with you and your husband.

Original poster
user1472640125 · 26/10/2016 14:38

Thankyou for your replies. We will defiantly look into some of these options you have mentioned

Poppy Pickles I have said for months now and to SS that this is going to be a case where something bad is going to happen before any action is taken. SS in our area is known for its appalling service!

We log everything in a diary. Even the times she had made false accusations to the police about us and has been warned by the police for making fraudulent claims!

It seems very obvious that because she has mental health issues SS very much tiptoe around her. They have even admitted its difficult because of her circumstances.

We probably look like the awful dad and step mom making complaints about her but I cant understand after our concerns being submitted, the police and various neighbours why alarm bells are not ringing.

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 26/10/2016 14:42

Self represent. There are pages of help out on the web on how to do it. But lodge the papers needed to start the ball rolling

Ring ss everyday.
Ring education dept regarding home schooling.

Good luck it sounds like a nightmare

BarbarianMum · 26/10/2016 14:43

Nicki it's not as simple as that. The childin the other thread is much older and is saying he wants to stay with his dad. Not the same situation at all. Sad

Original poster
user1472640125 · 26/10/2016 14:47

Quite likely - yes the home conditions REALLY are that bad! The house is disgusting and as I've already said there is dog mess IN the house which she makes the children pick up! In the words of the police officer "I have never seen anything so bad before in my life". "It was so bad he had to go outside as the smell was appalling".

The police see a court order and will stick to it. Whether or not they believe its a safe environment. The majority don't understand a court order so wont advise otherwise.

I realise the majority of you will be thinking, she's exaggerating, she's after full custody, nothing is ever that bad. I thought exactly the same until I saw all of this for myself. It keeps us awake at night. Its always at the back of our mind, it effects everything we do!

I would love nothing more than for us all be able to bring the kids up together as a unit but unfortunately not everyone has perfect lives.

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 26/10/2016 14:48

Since then we have attended meetings with SS, and now the caseworker has left its gone to the bottom of the pile

From what you say here it sounds like the children are currently open to Social Care, is that the case? If so are they on a Child Protection plan or a Child in Need plan?

21jumpstreet · 26/10/2016 14:52

I for one don't think you are just trying to get full custody but I also think you could be doing more than you are.
I have some knowledge with regards to the Police Powers and order or not if they believe a house to be j safe they can remove the children using Police Powers. Please, go to court on an emergency hearing and set out the evidence to a judge. For the sake of those children.

PoppyPicklesPenguin · 26/10/2016 14:52

wondering no worries, no offense taken.

OP It all sounds very familiar to what I've seen on the step-parenting boards with regards to calling the police and making reports, I feel for you I really do. Don't worry about what you look like (easier said than done) just keep pushing and pushing it's the children who need to be put first, and this is not good for them at all.

Definetly represent yourselves if it is unaffordable, and pay for one off time with lawyers to get initial advise. Also when it comes to selecting a court, make sure you speak to a lawyer about which one in your area is likely to be quicker, there are lots of changes happening at the moment and some are being turned into super courts others being closed - avoid these because IT will take longer.

Fourormore · 26/10/2016 14:53

Do you call social services or do you write/email?
We were in a similar situation and calls were ignored or brushed off. When we wrote an email (i.e. There was a paper trail), they suddenly started taking us seriously and started an investigation.

OlennasWimple · 26/10/2016 14:57

I completely believe it's as bad as you say it is - which is why I'm not sure why your DH isn't acting with more urgency to get the DC safe

yorkshapudding · 26/10/2016 15:00

In the words of the police officer "I have never seen anything so bad before in my life"

If this is the case I don't understand why they didn't use their powers under the Children Act to remove the children and take them to a place of safety? The Police are accustomed to entering homes which are in a condition that most lay people would find shocking, so if this place really was the worst he's ever seen then would expect them to use their powers to protect the children in question. A court order doesn't in itself actually prevent them from doing this.

Chimpfield · 26/10/2016 15:03

Try contacting the NSPCC - failing that if social services still will not act, every County Council has a Safeguarding Board - ring them for advice, they will signpost you to the correct process/organisations that can support you and force Social Services to act..... this is child cruelty and abuse - they will help you.