Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Office martyr

120 replies

Larryduff · 26/10/2016 11:23

Been made to feel like a miserable cow but I'm hoping for some vindication.

We have an office martyr who buys all the leaving cards etc and moans about this while also insisting that no-one else can chip in or god-forbid actually buy them. Apparently that wasn't enough and now she's started buying everyone birthday cards, well not everyone just the people she likes. Fair enough if they were just from her but no, everyone has to sign them (about 30-40 people). So I told her privately that maybe it was a bit much and people would get sick of signing loads of cards and/or people who were missed would feel a bit shitty and unpopular. I've come back to work after a stressful 2 days looking after a poorly toddler and there's this fucking sickly sweet PA email obviously aimed at me about how some people may be a bit fed up of signing loads of cards but how lovely it is to receive them. Yeah I know this doesn't sound like much but she has form so it's really wound me up.

Anyone else got similar and how do you deal with it without coming across like a sour old bitch?

OP posts:
mickeysminnie · 26/10/2016 13:41

I would respond to the email thanking her for bringing it up. Going on to say. Some people in the office have been left out of the card giving so rather than cause upset you will no longer be signing any cards! Job done!

headinhands · 26/10/2016 13:41

Moat of the women at work go on about 'how ocd I am'. And seem to try to out-do each other with how anal they are and how incandescent they are if something isn't where it should be, or not at right angles etc. It's like they need validation for what super women they are and how tidy/fussy they are. The quality of their actual work doesn't seem to bother them as much. Hmm

LivingInMidnight · 26/10/2016 13:42

matching I queried the expense of everyone getting a present and whether we could just get cards and was told "on this team we actually like each other so we want to get each other gifts." Obviously they only liked half the team though Hmm.

Rainydayspending · 26/10/2016 13:42

I'd definitely have run around the office to rustle up 79 'no' answersGrin

Matchingbluesocks · 26/10/2016 13:45

She was an amazing arse. she did get a yes vote though. Prey on the weak

StillSmallVoice · 26/10/2016 13:51

MistressDeeCee - I work with a people pleaser. I manage her. I appointed her. I can't believe I fell for it. She drives me nuts.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/10/2016 13:53

Grin at Spoon Loon.

Our office martyr is our office manager. She's currently washing up her lunch things and moaning about disappearing cutlery. When she has finished washing up she is Going To Have To Send An Email.

The thing is that because she is always at the sink washing up no-one else can get near it, they take things home to wash, and might not bring them back. If she stepped away from the sink every once in a while, or let people use the dishwasher that stands idle, people might be able to wash up at work.

I might petition that we actually use the dishwasher, because then she will get to passively agressively empty it instead (in reality we have plenty of cleaners and odd job people who could be given this job).

piddleypower · 26/10/2016 14:01

Some people just really need to be needed. I have worked with them to. Best to leave them to their own devices.

I can't be doing with the whole cards at work thing. Someone in our team used to do it and when she left no-one picked it up - or complained or even really noticed!

Once when I saw a card for me indiscreetly being passed around the office I managed to sign it myself!

Penfold007 · 26/10/2016 14:03

Office martyrs have one common aim to avoid actually doing any work.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 26/10/2016 14:06

She is a mad old lunatic. Refuse to sign her daft cards FOR ANYONE.

Matchingbluesocks · 26/10/2016 14:07

I love the idea that someone might be raging about my habits. They'd be too scared to say anything. Mind you I do no cleaning and clearing and we do have cleaners in twice a day to do it. I also refuse to offer anyone else tea or coffee because I don't want to get involved in that round shit

RetroImp · 26/10/2016 14:08

The last time I worked in an office, I was one of the only 3 women till another female started a couple of years later. It was quite a creative and mostly young place without typical obvious hierarchy. I held a leading position but didn't need to make a show of power there, as everyone was fairly motivated. One thing that actually stood out that it was quite harmonious and a very laid-back atmosphere. We had a wonderful cleaner and the place was bright, modern and stylish. But no one would sweat over cups or cutlery left to clear away till the cleaner got there. The new lady was a very old style office politics kind of person. She also adopted the role of office martyr and began to wash up cups left behind while sighing how everyone left it to her. People were too busy with their projects to pay attention. She then sidled up to me to complain about how messy the boys are. I raised my eyebrows and told her that as far as I was aware we only had hardworking busy adults in the company. I also pointed out that she should be focusing on her work, rather than something that wasn't her business. Calmly mentioned that we paid her too much to be the office cleaner and to do the job she had been hired to do. A few months later, she left for a more traditional office job. I have very little tolerance for passive-aggressive types both in my private or professional life, so tend to nip it in the bud. I'd point out to anyone acting this way that they are obviously not challenged enough by their actual position if they had time to wash up or adopt similar activities, so perhaps need a bigger workload...

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 26/10/2016 14:08

I don't like cards like that anyway. Bet she buys tacky ones from Clintons.

Oblomov16 · 26/10/2016 14:12

Why do we bother with this birthday card office shit?

Office martyr
Oblomov16 · 26/10/2016 14:17

agree with Retrol.
If you've got time to worry about office cups/cards, then we are paying you too much/you haven't got enough work to do. Wink

Office martyr
ChocolateFace · 26/10/2016 14:17

Oh, I work with one of these.

I've recently taking to thanking her profusely and publicly for what she does. She has no idea I'm tKing the piss.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 26/10/2016 14:20

We have a small group of people in our office and we have a kitty for birthday cards. I volunteered to organise it, but the spreadsheet with all dates on is easily accessible if I'm not there. We just do cards, so we all put a couple of quid in each year. It's not a fuss, and I'm not PA over it. Someone starts my card off every year, I don't do that one.

Collections tend to be for leavers, maternity and marriage, and the relevant team organises those, across the division including our office. It's not a chore for us, we all get on well, and I don't recall seeing anyone getting PA over it all.

paddypants13 · 26/10/2016 14:23

We used to have one of those at my last job. My old employer was also obsessed with decorating desks at Halloween, Christmas etc so we were constantly being tapped for money for that as well.

The last straw for me was the team biscuit tin. It used to be that when someone did a big shop they would sometimes pick up some biscuits for the team, nothing fancy, usually whatever was on offer. Those who didn't buy any biscuits rarely, if ever, ate any so it was pretty fair. Office martyr decided we should all pay £5 a week towards biscuits (there were about 20 of us in the team). £5 a week????? I nearly fell off my chair. Of course, she would buy the biscuits and keep them in her drawer (so she could make snidey comments about other people's weight and eating habits). I refused point blank. Most contributed because they were scared of her. It lasted about three weeks.

dingdongdigeridoo · 26/10/2016 14:32

Make a birthday list. Everyone buys the card for the person below them on the list. This way, everyone gets a card and you all share the expense.

OurBlanche · 26/10/2016 15:09

Im not sure I like the idea of being told I have to bring in a cake just because its my birthday! I think that in offices where bringing in cake is 'the thing' you get to choose not to have a birthday simply by not bothering... to eat anyone elses cake or bring one in yourself!

I used to be the 'go to' cake maker for a couple of colleagues who didn't bake and, like me, hated the butter icing coated versions you get in most shops! One colleague always melted mars bars and threw rice crispies in, simple and always well received. Another made rock cakes that required a pint of [hot drink of choice] to make edible, so she also bought a round of drinks.

I don't mind any of that, bit I do hate the 'card and donation' culture. I am so glad I am now self employed - no more having to hide in a cupboard when the card monitor comes round Smile

MistressDeeCee · 26/10/2016 15:36

StillSmallVoice Noooooo! I feel your pain...

PlayOnWurtz · 26/10/2016 17:34

Our office is a "bring munchies in on your birthday" office and it's frowned upon to eat others stuff and not bring your own, comments do get made!

It doesn't have to be expensive. A couple of quid on some multipacks from Aldi will do

2kids2dogsnosense · 26/10/2016 18:05

Paddpypants

My eyes are glazing over at the prospect of a 100 quid's worth of biscuits EVERY WEEK!

Our place was like yours, pre-IWC. If people brought biscuits (usually own brand "Family Favourites" type) the got et. If not,wewent without. Occasionally clients would buy some biscuits, which were usually very nice. They were left in the kitchen and people ate them or not - there was no "You had the custard cream so that means the raisin shortbread is mine!" or anything like that.

Re: the Spoon Police. I have to admit that I teased her shamelessly. There was one occasion when she'd sent a (country-wide) e-mail complaining that some spoons had "disappeared" from the kitchen.

I did a quick net search and sent pictures like these (not country-wide - department only Grin ). I sent the pictures only- not the links - with little comments like:

"The kids and I made a lovely garden wind chime at the weekend. We'll be taking commissions if anybody wants one."

and

"What do you think of my new ear-rings? Pretty cool, eh?"

uk.pinterest.com/pin/465700417701849345/

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/476317289/handmade-silver-spoon-earrings?ref=market

Yes - I admit it! I am a COWBAG!!! Grin

paddypants13 · 26/10/2016 18:18

I know what you mean 2kids! I'm a biscuit fiend but even I can't eat £100 worth in a week. (10 days maybeWink)

We had regular company wide "all the forks have forked off" emails from our poor receptionist who got in the ear every lunch time because people were always nicking the forking forks.

Ezzie29 · 26/10/2016 19:04

I used to be a bit of an office martyr! I blame my co worker, it was only my first proper job and I got caught up in her drama. We were OBSESSED with teaspoons. We had normal ones for everyone to use, and then special nice ones for client meetings and people kept using the nice ones instead of washing up the normal ones, but that would mean the nice ones got tarnished and didn't look nice. I mean, it was a legitimate concern, the company had spent good money on those spoons and it was me and my co worker's job to take care of the items that we used for client meetings...but we did get a bit carried away, I'm blushing thinking of how many emails we used to send reminding everyone not to use the nice teaspoons.
No one gave a feck, they just carried on!