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Original poster

Office martyr

120 replies

Larryduff · 26/10/2016 11:23

Been made to feel like a miserable cow but I'm hoping for some vindication.

We have an office martyr who buys all the leaving cards etc and moans about this while also insisting that no-one else can chip in or god-forbid actually buy them. Apparently that wasn't enough and now she's started buying everyone birthday cards, well not everyone just the people she likes. Fair enough if they were just from her but no, everyone has to sign them (about 30-40 people). So I told her privately that maybe it was a bit much and people would get sick of signing loads of cards and/or people who were missed would feel a bit shitty and unpopular. I've come back to work after a stressful 2 days looking after a poorly toddler and there's this fucking sickly sweet PA email obviously aimed at me about how some people may be a bit fed up of signing loads of cards but how lovely it is to receive them. Yeah I know this doesn't sound like much but she has form so it's really wound me up.

Anyone else got similar and how do you deal with it without coming across like a sour old bitch?

OP posts:
Agerbilatemycardigan · 26/10/2016 12:46

In one of my offices, we'd be expected to chip in for presents too. We were a large team and on minimum wage so it was really stressful.

Are your other colleagues happy about this or are they as hacked off as you are about it?

iloveeverykindofcat · 26/10/2016 12:47

Oh God. The passive aggressive martyr. I hate these people so much. When people are just dicks they're usually unhappy deep inside, but the martyrs seem to genuinely think they're wonderful. There must be some way to extract revenge. And then report back in great detail

Oldraver · 26/10/2016 12:50

She would annoy me but I think I may go the opposite way...be enthusiastic about signing the cards and pointing out everyone's birthday...especially ones she's trying to exclude...

2kids2dogsnosense · 26/10/2016 12:52

Aaaaah!

The IRC (Irritating Work Colleague) rears her ugly head. I had one, too. One of her (self-imposed) tasks was to ensure that none of the spoons left the kitchen, or remained unwashed for more than twenty seconds, and she spent a large part of her day counting, reminding, checking people's desks, washing spoons and sending e-mails. (Blanket e-mails. To the entire university, not even to just the department.) saying stuff like;

"I have had to wash EIGHT spoons which were left in the sink already today and it is BARELY 10 O'CLOCK. PLEASE ENSURE THAT ALL SPOONS ARE LEFT IN A STATE TTHAT THE NEXT PERSON CAN USE THEM.

ALSO, there should be TWELVE spoons in the kitchen. There are only ELEVEN. I DO NOT have time to search this ENTIRE BUILDING for spoons."

Not surprisingly she became known as the "Spoon Police" and was an object of ridicule and scorn, but a bloody PITA, too.

One colleague who left for another post, left a little gift behind for us all in the kitchen (but especially for the SP). I was a pack of 12 teaspoons, tied together with nylon cord in a spiderweb pattern (no spoon was more than two inches from its neighbour) and nailed firmly to the kitchen wall.

We all pee'd ourselves laughing whereas SP was apoplectic with righteous indignation.

Ironically, I hadn't particularly liked this colleague, but when I saw what she had done, I wished I had made the time to get to know her better.

We could have been such friends . . . .

And you wouldn't believe what grade she was on . . . but she had tenure.

hotdiggedy · 26/10/2016 12:57

Im not sure I like the idea of being told I have to bring in a cake just because its my birthday! Why do people have to do anything unless they want to?? Thankfully we dont do this at my place of work though we do give a gift if someone leaves or has a baby. Noone has to give anything and there is no set amount, you just stick it in an envelope and someone crosses your name off. A couple of times I haven't contributed because I barely knew the person and once I just didn't bother as so much fuss was made over the leaving gift and party for a senior very well paid person. I wasnt giving any money for a notebook costing hundreds of pound to someone who was going off to an even better well paid job! i think it was suggested (for the first time) that we each give £10 and then pay towards to leaving party. i would have been more inclined to give that amount of money to someone leaving at the bottom end of the payscale who was more deserving.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 26/10/2016 12:57

2Kids Grin at I do not have time to search this entire building for spoons.

hotdiggedy · 26/10/2016 12:59

LarryDuff she pays for them all herself and then complains about it??? How random. Does she have no life outside of work?

Meemolly · 26/10/2016 13:05

Thanks for this thread, I've just realised reading it that I have been completely hoodwinked by a PA professional... Some of these stories are hilarious!!!

Oblomov16 · 26/10/2016 13:06

Why do people put up with this stuff? There are ways to deal with such things.

Hit-the-road-jack has the same conversation every week with her employee, as the Office Manager. Why? Why haven't you taken this in hand, dealt with it a different way, offered her a/b/c, or else this matter is closed, not to be discussed again ...... (the way you phrase that, gently, is the SKILL).

There is just no need for any of this bollocks. You just need someone to skilfully take it in hand.

Oblomov16 · 26/10/2016 13:10

We have cards for everyone's birthday, which everyone signs. On your birthday, you bring in cakes. everyone does this. No one grumbles. If anyone doesn't want to, they don't have to. No one has to contribute, monetary wise. But funnily enough, everyone likes it.

Company pays for tea, coffee, squash, chocolate biscuits.

All is good.

FinnegansCake · 26/10/2016 13:14

2kids 😂 at your Spoon Loon

EverySongbirdSays · 26/10/2016 13:19

The office martyr in my old job...

Admin staff had their own room, so I had no idea for ages, but one of them completely stopped speaking to another for MONTHS about 4 months, because she swapped her chair.

And whenever she needed her to do something would ask someone to ask her IN THE SAME ROOM.

TimetohittheroadJack · 26/10/2016 13:20

obolmov please don't think I haven't tried! She is first in in the morning (we have flexi time) so picks up the mail when passing reception. If she's on annual leave, the security guard usually says to whoever he seesvpassing 'here's your mail'. It's really not an arduous task. The coffee pot, I did make a rota but the person one the rota one day hadn't washed it and it was nearly lunchtime (shock). So martyr took it upon herself to abandon rota and continue doing it. I know this woman does everything at home, to the point I overheard her on the phone to her 24 year old son (who is doing a post graduate degree at a good uni) instructing him on how to cook micro chips. I know she thinks she is being nice 'saving us doing it'. I might try thanking her for doing it and tell her how much we appreciate it - probably that is what she actually wants to hear. I suppose for her it's not about the coffee pot but more about feeling like a general dogs body at home and work

Original poster
Larryduff · 26/10/2016 13:22

oblomov really? I don't know how you can be arsed, surely it becomes so watered down as to not mean anything. Maybe we should just have one generic card signed by everyone and laminated that everyone gets to have on their desk when it's their special day.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 26/10/2016 13:24

Anyone else got similar and how do you deal with it without coming across like a sour old bitch?

I work at times with a woman who is the soul of kindness, will help anybody out with anything, will come over with cups of tea etc. But later in the day she moans ALL - THE - TIME. Not loud, but in an undertone that can be heard. I heard a colleague tell another new colleague in hushed tones to ignore her. Personally, I couldn't ignore her as she would moan at me too so I ended up coming across as a sour old bitch I suppose!

Asked her "Are you actually aware that you moan and complain at people all the time? Pick on them whilst they're doing a task and take a tone with them in front of other people? Then told her I wasn't about to put up with it, don't want to hear her moaning all the time so to keep away from me. I didn't shout, just spoke to her plainly

I cannot abide people-pleasers, they're normally not nice people at all. They just decide that by being sickly nice to all, that gives them licence to manipulate and act as they like. False people behind a fake smile

Anyway - my situation isn't exactly same but I thought some parts would be transferable! Tell her where to get off, and leave it at that. Polite but firm. I still have to work with person I mentioned from time to time and I am polite to her, I believe in professionalism at work. Im just not going to stand for her passive aggressive nonsense, and that "nice to everybody" act doesn't fool me for a moment. People pleasers always think there's something in it for them

Vunderbaa · 26/10/2016 13:25

Maybe we should just have one generic card signed by everyone and laminated that everyone gets to have on their desk when it's their special day.

Bloody brilliant idea

LivingInMidnight · 26/10/2016 13:29

I joined a small team (less than 10) at the beginning of the year and was astonished that they bought birthday presents for half the team and not the other half - but everyone was expected to chip in! To be honest the whole thing is bloody expensive but they at least now give everyone a present.

MistressDeeCee · 26/10/2016 13:29

OMG I've just scrolled back up thread and realised how many horrifically funny office martyr stories there are Grin . Right, breaktime now methinks Im going to make myself a coffee it back and have a good read. Hope its all made you laugh OP, may as well laugh at the ridiculousness of some people!

Oh but the spoons story - GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
Larryduff · 26/10/2016 13:30

Mistress there's no way I could do that, I would die from the awkwardness and end up having to leave.

OP posts:
Oblomov16 · 26/10/2016 13:32

Jack, I bet you do have the skills, to just nip this in the bud. I couldn't stand being an office manager. My dh is very good at these things. He is liked and respected, but takes no nonsense. he would have just stopped her wittering on by now. You can do that!! I have faith in you!!

Op, no, none of us seem to mind. And the constant cakes bought in, makes it worth it. but not as a pp said for anyone's waistline Grin

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/10/2016 13:32

I love the spoon sculpture!

We used to have one of these. Biiiiiigggggg sighs every time she went into the kitchen and 'I'll just have to do the washing up'. Followed immediately by an email to the whole department about why she did not have TIME to do the WASHING UP.

Original poster
Larryduff · 26/10/2016 13:33

Ha yes, the thread is hilarious! I do feel a tiny but mean though. At least she's not as crazy as the spoon woman!

OP posts:
Matchingbluesocks · 26/10/2016 13:36

Brilliant. In an old job we had a PA who used to do a collection for every birthday- honestly there must've been 80 people in the department. Someone suggested it was getting expensive so she emailed

We are conducting a poll as to whether we want to continue giving birthday presents

If you would like to treat your collegues on their special day and show how much you appreciate them, vote yes
If not vote no

Original poster
Larryduff · 26/10/2016 13:40

Oh god matching that's amazing. Translation: 'if you're a massive cunt vote 'yes' if not vote 'no'

OP posts:
Chinlo · 26/10/2016 13:41

Honestly I know this thread is kind of light-hearted, but I think it's best to just rise above this stuff and relax about it all. Part of working in an office is signing pointless cards basically every day. But it only takes 2 seconds so it's not really worth making a fuss about.

Just let her do what she wants. If she wants to moan, just make your excuses to leave the conversation. Working with people you don't particularly like is an inevitability, but usually it's easy to avoid spending much time around them (usually!)