to think DP shouldn't take things out of the house?

[unlucky83]

DP has form for this - it is one of the things he does that drives me insane...
He 'borrows' things from the house -often doesn't ask/tell -then when you are looking for them and ask him if he has seen them says -oh that's in my car/at work/at my friends...
Latest thing is a big plastic tub I have - it is a small bucket really and I use it for soaking things before washing or full of hot soapy water to wash windows etc. It fits perfectly on a shelf in my under sink cupboard - so I can put something soaking on the shelf rather than on display.
Yesterday I left it next to the sink in the kitchen - just looking for it everywhere and asked him - it is in my car, used it washing it earlier.
(We don't have a drive - the car will parked a few minutes a way on the street and it is pissing down with rain...and he would have gone to work in his car tomorrow ....) I have to say I had a tub like this before and he borrowed it and lost it...(and it isn't easy to find one the right size)
And it isn't just this - he asked if he could borrow a hedge cutter for his friend. I do the gardening and I have two - a long reach battery operated one and a corded one. Why couldn't his friend borrow one - why did I even need 2? The long reach one gets heavy and obviously the battery needs charging...so I decided another one would be handy...
His friend isn't very reliable but I said he could borrow the corded one if DP used it with him, took it and brought it straight back and was prepared to replace it if nec (the battery one was £180 -so I wouldn't lend that one out).
You can guess the rest - nice sunny dry day, room in garden waste bin -went to trim a hedge, battery one needs charging, can't find the corded one anywhere - phone him. It is in his car at work 15 miles away ...(actually I think it was at his friend's) - he'll bring it home in 5 hrs - why didn't I ask for it the day before I needed it?
Maybe because I bought it and have it for a reason - so I have one to hand...and if I get the opportunity I can use it...
These aren't the only egs - this has gone on for years - eg he used to have a restaurant and 'borrowed' the salad spinner, my roasting fork (bought when I was a chef), even the WD40... you hardly use them, ask me the day before and I'll bring them back ... why should I need to plan ahead like that - and also if you haven't told me I don't even know I need to ask!
He is better at asking before taking now...but still - please tell me AINBU and it would drive anyone insane?

I'm the one who borrows stuff from DH's garage, tools, and then because I couldn't fix what I was fixing or need his help, or some reason, don't put them straight back.

But he has been known to borrow house stuff too.

I would write your name on stuff with a marker pen, or put a sticker on it with your name. Then he will at least know that what he has is yours, and friends will surely be less likely to hang to stuff.

Assuming he must know how important this item is to return is expecting too much for him so make changes.

DH occasionally does this too, although not so much anymore, he's getting better. Duplicates is definitely the way forward.

I can see why some posters are struggling to see the problem, I probably would too if it hadn't happened to me (over and over again). But that feeling when I open the cupboard door to get out the stiff bristled brush to do the stairs and it's not there, again, oh, the red mist descends! I hate housework, so need to do it when I get the urge. I don't like to be denied once my mind is made up!

I think if something was say in the garage instead of under the kitchen sink, that's one thing as you could still get to it & use it.

But other than that-he needs to stop being so thoughtless.

And ask for stuff the day before you want it?

Hahaha-nice try, but don't try to deflect back-just put stuff back where you got it from!

coffee that's it exactly -and it when it happens more than once and you ask for them just to let you know ...and they still don't.

cel the tears were because I'd explained how irritating it was and asked him not to do it countless times - in fact I'd begged him not to do it. As I said I really hate looking for things ...I get really upset if I can't find something. And if something isn't where it is supposed to be you look for it... It had got to the point where if I couldn't find something straight away I would immediately think he'd taken it and phone him to ask . And more times than not he had...
But the WD40 he'd taken it before - so I thought he wouldn't have taken it again without telling me ..so I spent time looking for it (which upset me) ...when I found out he had it just seemed like a complete disregard for my feelings - coupled with sheer frustration.

And yes I could have asked him to get the tub from his car - even though he was in bed (goes to bed early, works early) but I could have been looking for it when he was asleep or this morning when he is at work...and it is something I asked him not to take/damage since he lost the other one...

Persuade a friend who lives an hour away that she really, really needs them.

I was thinking exactly the same, Memoires

OP - surely you know someone who needs to trim a poodle? Why should she pay £££s for an expensive cut when she can borrow your DPs hair trimmers? After all, it won't be a problem as you will get them back he gives you 24 hours notice.

Possibly they'll be damaged by acres of poodle hair, but that's just one of these things - like a broken bucket chosen and bought by a small boy, or tea towels ruined by being covered with grease and left outside, or veg peelers just never returning.

Swings and roundabouts, OP, swings and roundabouts . . .

(BTW - I disagree that you shouldLTB - murderhim, yes, but packing up your stuff, changing bank accounts etc - what a faff! Much easier to excavate a shallow unmarked grave in the back garden and buy a rose bush. It will blossom vigorously formally years in such a spot.

Er - so I'm told. ( shuffles off, whistling nonchalantly )

*for many, not formally

The other 27 autocorrect miswords are too many to bother with

OurBlanche

What's a stovetop mokka?

( bows head, blushing in ignorance )

My DH also has tendencies The Other Way, if you will excuse the expression.

He accumulates stuff.

I have a Kitchen Drawer of Useful Stuff. DH never knew about it for years. It contained two screwdrivers (ordinary and cross-end) ; a small tub of Swarfega; a little can of oil with a squirty thing on it; a box of fuses; a box of batteries; stuff like this. All bought and put there by me because when he was at work, if a minor job needed to be done I could never find a bloody thing neither of his sheds --which are packed to the rafters with all sorts of stuff in no apparent order and you have to empty half of it in the garden in order even to get in.

Reader - he found it.

What's this stuff in here for? So I told him. He started to borrow it (because it was handy and saved excavating a shed), then he started adding to it - there is now so much shite in that drawer I can't find a sodding thing, anti is also full of oily rags and similar crap. I could scream.

So now we have two sheds AND A KITCHEN DRAWER so full of stuff that neither of us can find anything without emptying everything onto the floor/garden/patio so we can dig through it. (He is also someone who never puts anything away, or throws anything away.)

*and it, not anti

I keep borrowowing my wife's knickers but I suspect that's a whole different thread......

The issue is Ferret, do you return them regularly washed and folded, or do you stash them until she has to go out and buy more???

MissMargie, it depends if she comes home earlier than expected!!

So this year, for Christmas, you can buy him a bucket and some WD40 😄
You are so, not being unreasonable.
This would drive me bananas.
Fine, use whatever you want, but put it straight back.
Don't lend anything out, without asking.
Aaarrgghh !!!!! 😡

You have my sympathy OP and fellow sufferers. Fortunately my DH has a much less severe case ...... he limits his unreasonable behaviour to using stuff and not putting back where he found it.... it makes me cross because I think it shows a lack of respect for the person who expects to find objects where they live - it has nothing to do with things being "mine" or "his": he lends out tools and implements to neighbours and friends but I its stuff I never ever use - and it must be said that the folk he lends stuff to are good about bringing it back - which is generally how I discover it was lent in the first place - "oh, NDN brought back the hedge trimmers."
Over the years I have had to develop a habit of noticing where stuff is, as he regularly gets things out of cupboards and then leaves them in random spots around the house, garage and garden. However, his "leaving stuff lying around and not remembering where" also extends to his spectacles, so maybe it's just age-related.

A cheap and delicious way of making espresso coffee 2kids £10 a pop, nicer than the weird coffee pod machines

DH once (note: once) went to work with not only the pram in the car, but also the sling and the spare sling. Our one and only car, when he had public transport options.

It was snowing.

I tied the baby to myself with scarves, put wellies on self and eldest child, and trudged to school to drop him off (by then nearly an hour late) and back. By the time we got home I shit you not there was an INCH of snow on my shoulders and the baby's hat and it took forever to get warm and dry again.

Once he did that. Thereafter he checked what was in the boot before driving off.

It's not even about precise ownership but just the slightest hint of thought.

That would (and does) drive me bonkers!
My DP doesn't do this often, but when he does leave things in his car (like my keys or bank card) it is bloody annoying and has meant that I haven't been able to do what I wanted/needed to do that day including vet trips, picking up prescriptions, going food shopping etc.

It's not about what's mine and his or ours, it's about respect for the person you are sharing and making a life with. I would hate to have to run tomorrows possible to do list (of course depending on mood, weather, events) with him the day before... and often that wouldn't even help in OP case. No good mentioning the night before that she'd like the trim the hedge the next day if they are at a friends house that he can't get to as they are heading to bed and he has work first thing in the morning. And a PITA if it ends up raining after he's had to fetch them and moaning she's not even used them (as my DP has done with a few items).

The point is you don't buy two of everything on the off chance that he's going to need it at work or loan it to a friend... plus is OP did sounds like her DP would take one to work and load the other out anyway!

He needs a bloody good talking to! Maybe even show him this thread... A few are on his side, that he can use these things. Yeah use them... not take them and leave them somewhere OP can't get to them!

Thank you, Our Blanche

My education's come on in leaps and bound since I joined MumsNet (especially for obscenities, for some reason . . . . )

I think its ok, but you just need a better management system. Assuming you dont want to use electronic tags, you might consider plastic cross-reference markers, which are used when an item is removed and records who took it where (likely) and how it can be retrived. You could make them cutsie like out of old tea chests or something. Also a clear inventory of 'house' items might be sensible-even perhaps registering 'house' as a business to make it tax efficient. Making 'house' items assets of the business means loan fees could be liable on directors who remove them.

Thats what i would do.

if you think its annoying when you cant find the brush in the cupboard you expect it to be when you are a couple try it when you live on your own and find out you are 'which fucking idiot...'!!!

scary

I, too, am that idiot a lot of the time