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Original poster

He hates my son

79 replies

Helcl · 23/10/2016 17:28

My partner of 12 years had a couple of drinks and told me he hated my Son.
I am hurt, lost and I don't know what to do with this information.
I love my Partner but this has really floored me.

OP posts:
MadameJosephine · 23/10/2016 18:24

Get rid of him, your relationship with your son is much more important

That1950sMum · 23/10/2016 18:24

Dump partner. Move on. Absolutely no question.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 23/10/2016 18:26

Could your partner be looking for a way out of the relationship? If he were mine I'd certainly be showing him the door. I imagine that the hatred hasn't suddenly appeared and therefore there will be some ill effect on your DS. Get rid.

Arfarfanarf · 23/10/2016 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaterTots · 23/10/2016 18:37

The posters saying 'get rid' (horrible expression) are being somewhat simplistic. They've been together for 12 years.

OP, you need to have a serious and sober conversation about this. There's got to be more to it.

PinkyOfPie · 23/10/2016 18:37

Oh OP I'm so sorry this has happened you must be devastated. You know what you need to do Flowers

Jackie0 · 23/10/2016 18:42

Does your son have a relationship with his father?
Boys need a positive male role model in their life, as do girls of course but its very important to protect your son's self esteem and mental health

notapizzaeater · 23/10/2016 18:47

You need to speak to him when he's sober and find out what he meant

dinosaursarebisexual · 23/10/2016 18:48

Does your partner live with you.

Veggiesupremeextracheese · 23/10/2016 18:50

Has he expressed regret for saying it?

Hassled · 23/10/2016 18:51

Blimey - how horrible for you. But yes, dump and run. He doesn't have to love your son, but he can't hate him.

ShebaShimmyShake · 23/10/2016 18:53

I think it's pretty clear what you should do with the information.

steff13 · 23/10/2016 18:55

Sorry, there's a poster who occasionally posts about how awful her partner is to her kids, and how spoiled his kids are, and then she never returns to the thread. She just posts again under a new username, but same story.

I think you need to have a conversation with him about why he said this. Is is cruel to your son? In what way does he think your son is selfish?

It's hard to imagine hating a kid you've known since he was little.

Finola1step · 23/10/2016 18:57

With the extra detail you have given, you must now be wondering if your ds stays in his room out of choice (like a lot of 17 year olds) or because of how your partner makes him feel.

Get rid of the partner. Focus on your ds.

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/10/2016 19:00

So you met your Partner when your son was 5 and he's watched him grow but has now admitted he hates him, this gives me great cause for concern.Don't think for one minute your son does not know this, he will be very aware, I'm very surprised you seem shocked by his admission, surely it manifests itself in his behaviour towards him and it's probably at the root of your boys social anxiety.

Sadly, I've seen this happen many times, although it's rarely admitted that the partner hates the child, there is usually also a biological child who the partner is a good Dad to.You know what you have to do, but I doubt it will happen. Your son will leave the family home, as soon as he is able to and who could blame him ?,

TeacherBob · 23/10/2016 19:00

Is the default answer to anything posted on mumsnet set to 'just get rid'

gillybeanz · 23/10/2016 19:01

It's taken you this long to realise, even if your dp hasn't said anything in the past. Surely a mother would know by the atmosphere and general living.

I bet your ds anxiety would improve immediately if you sent dp packing.
It's time to put your ds first, for once, before you lose him.
He won't stick around for longer than necessary unless you show him how much you love him and take steps to support him.

flippinada · 23/10/2016 19:02

What a horrible thing to say - hate is a very strong word. You must be devastated and I imagine all sorts is going through your head right now. Not to mention how your DS must be feeling (I know he hasn't been told, but he will have picked up on this).

At the very least a serious conversation needs to be had here if your partner is genuine I don't think the relationship has a future.

NavyandWhite · 23/10/2016 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 23/10/2016 19:15

Your 'partner' has known your son since he was five, and is saying he hates him? What an utter catch.

Put your child first ffs. He has anxiety and is being hated by an adult.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/10/2016 19:16

Hello Helcl, what do you mean ?
You are supposed to be a Mum first, your Son needs you. He sounds like a lovely boy, with issues.
There is only one person selfish in your house, and it's not your Son.
Welcome to the forum, lots of good advice here.
Can you tell us a bit more ?

flippinada · 23/10/2016 19:22

From the perspective of being a child in this situation, my Dad took up with someone who made it clear they didn't like me and my sibling and treated us both appallingly. I'll not beat about the bush, it was abuse.

Needless to say we don't have much of a relationship now. That could well be your future, if you don't tackle this.

I mentioned speaking to your partner. I'd speak to your son as well - be prepared that you may hear some difficult things.

eddielizzard · 23/10/2016 19:24

have you ever asked your ds how he feels about your dp?

i wonder if their relationship has anything to do with his anxiety? of course it might not, but i think you owe it to your son to at least investigate.

personally, it'd be a deal breaker for me, but easy to say.

Cucumber5 · 23/10/2016 19:32

It would all depend how your son feels. If he's aware of this mans hate, that would be it.

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 23/10/2016 19:33

Does this go some way to explaining your sons anxiety? I would discuss with your son - not mentioning the partners feelings - about how he feels about your partner.

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