Who should pay childcare?

[wheelwithinawheel]

Ex works mon-fri, I work fri-sun, 50/50 residency of 3DC me: mon 7.45am - Thursday 4.30, every other Saturday night. Separated for a year and and a half.

On 'my' Saturday's, I collect kids after work at 5.30pm, we have tea at my parents and then kids stay over as I have to work early on Sunday, and my parents take DC out and drop then over to ex at 4.30ish.

Until recently the Saturday arrangement with me collecting and DC staying over with my DPs was every week, he insisted that 'technically' EOW but he 'allowed' them to stay at my DPs. I think since seeking legal advice he has changed this and now has DC eery other sat in order to establish a clearer 50/50 split.

Here's the issue: ex financially controlling, and for months has been harassing me for half the cost of childcare for the Friday's. It is his day, youngest DC goes to nursery and same nursery do school pickups and dropoffs. So far I've refused to pay, as I believe that this is childcare he requires as it is his day. I'm right, aren't I? Or aibu?!

[BombadierFritz]

have you asked for legal advice about changing from 50:50 as the kids start school? sorry to keep banging on about it but I honestly think this is going to be a problem for you in future, and the kids as well. it would also give you more leverage over the ctc claim. maybe also another thread to find out how to stay the main claimant for ctc for both children. your ex is obviously a massive dick as he wouldnt even be entitled to ctc surely if his income is high?
dont engage with any more texts about paying childcare.

[Bringmewineandcake]

I agree with the others, don't offer him anything - especially not anything that requires him to pay you back. The answer is no, his day so his childcare cost.

[cestlavielife]

Don't give his requests a second thought.
Clearly he can afford to pay

[TheProblemOfSusan]

Under the circumstances you describe here he should definitely pay for them on his day and sort his own benefits/tax credit out.

(but personally I think the government should pay for childcare in a magical utopian fashion)

[Chrystal1982]

Child Tax Cedit can only be claimed if you are in receipt of that child's Child Benefit because the CB is the 'passport' benefit for it so I wouldn't worry about your ex attempting to make a claim as he'd need to provide evidence he's in receipt of CB. I'm currently battling through a rival claim for CB with EA exh because I had the cheek to meet new DP and am 27weeks pregnant 4 years after divorce
His day his childcare cost.

[wheelwithinawheel]

bombadier he would never consent to anything less than 50/50. Mainly because he really does love those DC. He doesn't always do things as I would, but there's no doubt in my or anyone else's eye that he is devoted to them. This is his absolutely redeeming quality. But equally (to a lesser extent perhaps) he is selfish and greedy, and I've 'wronged' him (in his eyes) so I am definitely being punished. Unfortunately his dad is quite a, let's say, bitter, character (went through a nasty divorce himself; complete misogynist) and I think he wields quite a lot of influence over ex-H, and his newest girlfriend has also been through a bitter divorce and continues to get a lot of grief from her ex. I am fairly convinced he's being aided and abetted by negative influences which is making him take a more hostile stance.

I will continue to make like Nike and just say no for the time being. It's so so hard, but reading the relationship boards religiously makes me grateful that things are not as bad as so many more of us are going through, and I'm so grateful as it was reading MN that made me stop accepting the crap and LTB!