in setting a cut-off date for xmas?

[Morporkia]

DS (22) is at uni a couple of hours away, lives with his gf who works full time. DD (18) lives at home, has gf who is very close to her mum. My AIBU moment stems from conversation i had with both of them (separately, but outcome much the same) All i want to know is if they will be home at xmas, and whether their OH's will be joining us. If they are, fantastic. If they're not, also fantastic as DH and I will be able to go out for christmas dinner for the first time in 25 years. But can i get an answer? dunno, dunno, dunno. every time i ask. not even a "will find out what gf is doing and let you know" thinking of giving them both till halloween and if they don't have at least a possible decision, booking a table for me and DH. but then i feel like the WWM...

We could never commit to Xmas plans until about 3 weeks before Xmas because both DH and I worked in retail, and we'd never have our shifts until then. Luckily, both mine & pil were quite flexible and one one memorable boxing day, we phoned 3 hours before lunch to say that unexpectedly we could visit ( we did take some cheese & bread to eat!)

YANBU. DH and I are going out for xmas lunch this year and it was booked up by mid August!

OP while I appreciate some people are being a bit flakey, your dismissiveness over the fact that one of them doesn't know her shifts yet (highly likely) is really not on.

My mother is a bit like this, a teacher all her life and no concept that other people don't have their holidays decided years in advance and is very much 'its not my problem' in response to people saying they can't provide a level of certainity over plans when she needs them (months in advance). She is quite rude about it actually. Snaps about other people being 'entitled' when asking for a little understanding.

But it is not ok for her to expect others to be infinitely flexible around her needs and wants, which is what you are asking here really.