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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave hungover DH with baby?

77 replies

luckylucky24 · 23/10/2016 10:05

DH agreed to have 1yr old today but went to a wedding last night and is hungover. I expressed my frustration at not being able to go shopping as planned today (he didn't get me a birthday present so this was to be it - shopping alone without the children) and he said "just take the kids down stairs and when I have been sick i'll be fine".
AIBU to think he is not in a fit state to care for a one year old but leave him to do it anyway?
I have arranged DS to go to his Grans (she cannot have 1 yr old) and will prepare her lunch so he cannot claim he "didn't know what to feed her".
Rescheduling isn't really an option as we have plans most weekends between now and xmas. I also feel I shouldn't have to as I have had the kids alone for the last 24 hrs so he could go to this wedding, even gave him a lift at 9am to his mates and in return I get let down!
Would you just go?

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 23/10/2016 10:54

And there are plenty of sexist women on here. I've been shocked recently.

jayisforjessica · 23/10/2016 10:59

tibbawyrots, stick with me kid. You'll go places ;) Does this site do friends or equivalent???

But it's probably best if I don't get started on sexism. This isn't the time or the place.

Lules · 23/10/2016 11:02

I have parented with a hangover. As has my husband. It's not that hard. In fact, we always make each other do it on the basis that you had time off the night before so you can't have another day off. The not knowing what to feed your child is utterly ridiculous.

StealthPolarBear · 23/10/2016 11:04

Would you choose to leave your baby with a vomiting adult thought?
Take the focus off the rights and wrongs of the adults and look at rhe child

GabsAlot · 23/10/2016 11:10

he doesnt know what/when to feed them is more concerning

thats pathetic

jayisforjessica · 23/10/2016 11:11

If he were contagious, then I could see that reasoning, but he isn't contagious, he's just stupid. She'll be fine. Daddy's just running to the loo for a bit. Behind the closed loo door, what does it matter if he's doing #1, #2, or being sick?

StealthPolarBear · 23/10/2016 11:12

She is 1 and presumably requires fairly continual supervision plus a parent who can engage with her rather than hovering over or near the toilet.

Lules · 23/10/2016 11:12

Meh. I've looked after a baby with a proper vomiting bug before. Wasn't exactly great but it was ok. And if I get pregnant again I'll probably have 9 solid months of vomiting while looking after a child. I'm sure a small child can cope with a few hours of a parent being a bit under the weather for a few hours for whatever reason.

StealthPolarBear · 23/10/2016 11:14

And I certainly never felt safe closing the bathroom door on a crawling baby

AskBasil · 23/10/2016 11:17

"If he isn't hungry it doesn't occur to him they may be."

It's not his hangover that's the problem, it's the fact that he thinks this level of neglect is OK.

Any parent who doesn't take responsibility for feeding a tiny child even if they aren't hungry themselves, is doing parenting really, really badly IMO.

Can you imagine if you were as forgetful as him about feeding your children? They'd die, wouldn't they? Can you imagine a mother who doesn't think of feeding her tiny child because she isn't hungry herself? She'd be castigated as neglectful.

It is simply not acceptable for a parent to not know that their kids need feeding and it makes me wonder what else doesn't occur to him that's basic about caring for children. Unless you're happy to accept that his role isn't really to parent, that's your job, then I'd want to address that once his hangover has cleared.

jayisforjessica · 23/10/2016 11:17

He also said "when I've been sick I'll be fine" presumably meaning he knows throwing up will be a one-off and he'll feel much better afterwards. I'm a bit like that when I feel queasy - often just being sick once clears it right up.

That being the case, by his own admission, I see even LESS reason to hesitate to ask him to hold up his end of the parenting bargain. As a PP said, he had his night off last night! Today it's his turn with the kids, and if he feels rotten, he's only got himself to blame.

Looneytune253 · 23/10/2016 11:23

Give him warning, you're leaving in 30mins. I would expect him downstairs dressed and ready to play. Even if you have to give a few massive hints about lunch and what they can do together. Don't let him be a pathetic dad and do nowt. He agreed to look after the children, I would be leaving both. Ridiculous having to tell him all this though and ask him to watch his own children. Maybe you need to have a chat another day about all that.

ANewStartOverseas · 23/10/2016 11:29

Well he knew he would have to look after his child yesterday evening when he went out.
Therefore he should have planned for that and not drink as much. I'm pretty sure that as an adult, he should have enough restrain to stop when he knew he would start to be badly hung over.

Actually, if the roles were reversed and t was the OP who had gone out, I''m sure she would have thought about that.
Or chose to deal with her chiild whilst being hungover.

So yes I would have little hesitation in going out and leaving him with his child.

StealthPolarBear · 23/10/2016 11:31

Looney the op has gone

ANewStartOverseas · 23/10/2016 11:31

And yes btw, if he cant actually realise that if he sint hungry, his child might still be then you have more important problems.

That's not jut being a bit careless. That's being abusive by not feeding a child who is hungry and not attending to their very basic needs.

PetalMettle · 23/10/2016 11:33

I would go. As others have mentioned parents sometimes have to look after their kids when they're actually ill. If he was still drunk it would be a different thing

BIWI · 23/10/2016 11:35

Stealth because BeerBelly79 had only joined MN today, and did so for the sole purpose of posting offensive things.

Trifleorbust · 23/10/2016 11:38

Plenty of adults vomit whilst looking after children: stomach bugs, morning sickness, chemo. And plenty of parents do not spend every minute playing or otherwise 'engaging' with their children. Sorry, mate, your wife has plans and you made a commitment. Step up and parent.

StealthPolarBear · 23/10/2016 11:39

Aha thank you. Thought it was strange

BitchQueen90 · 23/10/2016 12:04

startled I throw up when I'm hungover. I don't get headaches, I just get a dodgy stomach the next day.

Glad you've gone OP. I'm a single parent and I've had to carry on when I've been ill, and this is self inflicted!

ClopySow · 23/10/2016 12:38

I've looked after a baby with a hangover (me not the baby). It's unpleasant, but nothing terrible happened, the baby was cuddled and played with and fed. I suffered. The baby didn't.

I was originally a bit concerned because he was throwing up. That's quite unusual for a hangover, isn't it? I've had my share but I don't think I've ever thrown up the next morning

Some people get really vommy hangovers. I'm one of them. My mum does too.

missm0use · 23/10/2016 12:39

OP do it!! Go out have a lovely day and leave him to it! He made plans with you - it's not your fault or the kids fault that he's been a selfish dick and got himself into a state.

ClopySow · 23/10/2016 12:40

I don't really understand why people are so unforgiving about a hangover. He's not lying in bed refusing to do it. He's just going to be a bit shit today. It's not every day. He's not neglectful or abusive, he just got a bit pissed last night. Shit happens.

PetalMettle · 23/10/2016 12:50

I think the thing is that he knew it was going to be a very unusual trip out for his partner so he should have mtfu and not drunk as much

SmallBee · 23/10/2016 12:53

I've looked after a toddler whilst I had HG for twenty goddamn weeks. He can look after his one year old for three hours with a hangover.
He sounds like a shit Dad if he can't remember to feed his own child. I'd suggest he sets reminder alarms on his phone if he is genuinely that inept.

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