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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cringe at DH asking DS if he had a nice time.

77 replies

Happyhippy45 · 22/10/2016 21:49

Ds has recently having regular dates through tinder. He has been friends online with the girls for a while, some of them are friends of friends.
He told DH about going on date (DH prised it out of him.)
I had my suspicions he was on tinder but at 19 it's his business. He's a sensible lad.
The last twice he's come home after a date (not overnight.) DH asks him in a amused tone "Did you have a nice time?"
I think it sounds like he's taking the piss and it's cringy as fuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 22/10/2016 23:12

Thanks flora yeah Ds is an adult......I'm here if he needs me.....he knows that.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 22/10/2016 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 22/10/2016 23:24

coco the raised eyebrows and looks in my direction are enough to let me know he doesn't like it.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/10/2016 00:04

Hmm I'm feelimg a bit bad now. DH and I are constantly ribbing our young adult DCs about their love lives. I hope we're not giving them major hang ups.

Drop dead gorgeous and incredibly picky DD2 is almost defiantly single in the face of serious pursuing by quite a few people. I asked her if she liked cats the other day, because she seems to be set on a life of happy spinsterdom. She did laugh but, thinking about it, perhaps we should knock it off a bit.

(I'm Welsh and working class though, jibing each other is what we do).

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/10/2016 00:09

If he's old enough to go on Tinder then he's old enough to tell his dad to lay off.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 23/10/2016 00:11

I get that tinkly
I'm sure you are doing fine by them. Ds doesn't reciprocate when his dad is making jokes about him being on a date. It's not banter. Ds is fairly astute and says what he has to. Bit of a minimalist

OP posts:
BackforGood · 23/10/2016 00:23

It would be lovely if he could have normal interactions with him

Everything you have written is a normal interaction between parents and their teen or young adult children when they start dating Confused

kaitlinktm · 23/10/2016 00:25

DamePastel You have it exactly right. I feel it blighted my chances (although I did marry but am now divorced).

VenusRising · 23/10/2016 00:32

Sounds like he's jealous, and pretty nasty with it too.

It would make me look at my DH differently if he was being a prick like your DH is.

What does your DH hope for the future with regard to his relationship with his son. He's going about the perfect way to undermine him and alienate him. Does he care he's coming across as a prick..

Can your DS move out?
Or can you get your DH to leave as he seems to have the problem.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 23/10/2016 00:53
Hmm As long as he is using protection, I don't see the problem
Eevee77 · 23/10/2016 01:26

That all sounds very normal to me.

However your sound like you don't like your OH much at all.

Glastokitty · 23/10/2016 01:31

Bloody hell some of you wouldn't last five minutes in my house, we are constantly taking the piss! This just sounds like normal conversation to me.

TirednessIsComing · 23/10/2016 08:31

My dad likes to joke like this. Doesn't bother me because I've learnt to give back as good or better but it did annoy me when he started with dh. He only does it with people he likes and feels comfy with but it made dh uncomfortable.

Dh gave back as good as he got one day and continues too. He also told my dad how he was behaving. Sounds like your ds needs to do the same.

If you and your dh have a give and give back relationship then it's not surprising he does with your son too. Ds needs to give back or tell him to jog on.

RhiWrites · 23/10/2016 09:19

Wow. Mumsnet doesn't usually consider teasing, banter or jokes quite so funny when aimed at an adult woman.

It's not nice, DS hates it and it's making him uncomfortable. Ask your husband how her feel to have had his dad laugh at him for going on dates. Then tell him to cut it out.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 23/10/2016 11:33

Quite surprised that so many of you think that teasing your young adult children is perfectly normal and ok.
I don't tease my kids. I can have a good laugh with them without belittling them.
DS has JUST started dating. Dating can be difficult and eat away at your confidence. I think making fun of the fact he's going on dates is unpleasant. If DH was asking him how his date went and Ds was responding and looking for input from his dad that would be different.
DH is a good guy, he's just a bit childish and not very nurturing. On reflection I think him asking if he had a nice time is not done maliciously it's just him trying to connect but not really knowing how to do it.

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 23/10/2016 11:58

Children need a bit of winding up now and then from their family. It helps to build resilience.

TirednessIsComing · 23/10/2016 12:01

Happyhippy45 I always found dad doing it to us normal since he and mum did it to each other. It felt very normal even when it annoyed me.

BackforGood · 23/10/2016 12:31

What haveacupoftea said.

Indeed, I am amazed how upset some MNers dc get over really petty, trivial things (not talking specifically about this thread). We all need a bit of resilience in life. There will be banter from others at school, there will be banter at college or University if you go, there will be banter in many a workplace, there will be banter in any sports teams you join. It's part of our job as parents, as the dc grow up, to teach them how to deal with it. Keeping them completely sheltered from some friendly teasing is just creating problems when they get out into the wide world and mummy isn't there to protect them.

Pickled0nions · 23/10/2016 12:34

Well they're both men, so it just sounds to me like he was asking him cheek in tongue kind of thing.
I don't think it's cringey at all.

StStrattersOfMN · 23/10/2016 12:35

Umm, I've not read anything here that isn't part and parcel of being a perfectly normal family. You sound terribly serious and humourless tbh, do you really never indulge in mild teasing with the rest of them?

Pickled0nions · 23/10/2016 12:36

Or tongue in cheek should I say Smile

PotteringAlong · 23/10/2016 12:40

I raise my eyes at some of the things my dad says but it doesn't mean I hate it, it just means I'm thinking "that's such a dad thing to say".

I think you're reading into this things that potentially aren't there.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 23/10/2016 14:01

I'm not protecting ds from the teasing, I just find it an unpleasant and unnecessary......especially when it's about dating. DH doesn't "
always "get" that some of the things he says can be hurtful even if he doesn't mean them to be. If it's explained why.......he takes it on board and makes up for it.

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Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 23/10/2016 15:04

I've also always viewed home as being the one place where you shouldn't have to put up with the bullshit you get from colleagues/friends/general public.
Is it really a right of passage to be ridiculed by your dad?
It doesn't make them resilient. It just gives them one more thing to deal with.
"OH by the way Ds, for the next few years your dad is going to tease you and say a bunch of stupid shit to you. It'll make you a better and stronger person. You'll thank him for it when you're older."

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlumpOnSea · 23/10/2016 15:11

I think that if you haven't ever lived with people who manage to be dicks even when ostensibly saying inoffensive things, then you will not understand the op's feelings. My dad manages to exude an air of amused tolerance at my stupidity even when silent.

Of course, at a distance it's hard to tell if the op is being hard on her DH or not. The point is that she's not necessarily BU.