DH refusing to come to a christening with me

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Is anyone else's partner difficult when it comes to attending social occasions with you? To be clear my DH is very very sociable when it's his friends and family. When it's mine it's a different story. He's generally fine with my family but not as forthcoming as I would like. We live in the same town as his family where he grew up. Mine live hundreds of miles away. When they visit he always says he will join us "if I'm not busy". I think that's just a way of not committing. He always comes along in the end but there's a battle beforehand where I try and get him to say that yes he will actually come.

The latest is my best friend had a baby not so long ago. She lives in the town where I'm from. He said " I suppose this means another christening then?" I said yes it does and he said " please don't make me go!" Reasons are petty IMO he didn't like the food at the last one etc. I've told him its half a day and he should come. I go to any event with him and they're not all five star glamour not that I give a fig! I've told him these people are my closest friends they mean a lot to me and I want him to come. He's saying "we can talk about it nearer the time." I feel like telling him to get stuffed and telling him he's not invited anymore but I don't think he would feel guilty he just wouldn't come.

And my friends all make an effort and are very welcoming and as I say he is the most sociable person I know.

AIBU to make him (not that I can but I could put pressure on) come to this event?

I think he's being lazy, it's too much effort to build a relationship with your family and your close friends.

I don't think hibu.
We only attend family ones as a rule. Hundred miles away too? No chance.

Maybe support wasn't the right choice of word, although I suspect you knew what I meant
It's my opinion that marriage is supposed to be a partnership, the distance, relationship, event itself isn't the point really is it, it's the op asking her dh to do something with her and him being a selfish arse. Maybe some people would want to go alone and that's fine, but op made it clear she doesn't. I wouldn't want to go alone to a social event either.
It just shows a lack of respect to me. He's lording it over her, fully agree with the pp who said he enjoys it, seems like a total power play to me.

I'd go on my own and have a great time. Maybe stay overnight with friends or family. Then when the next event with his family comes up that you don't fancy going to, don't go. He can then decide whether he thinks it's worth making the effort to come and see your family next time or not.

Meh. Stop attending things you don't want to with him then. Me and she rarely feel pressured to go these things together. If we will both enjoy it, we both go, if one of us doesn't want to go, they don't.

Really, once? How much can you hate a christening anyway, like op said it's half a day. He clearly doesn't have strong views on it or religious reasons for not wanting to attend.
It comes down to she's asked him to do something that's important to her, not a big deal either way for him, why on earth wouldn't he?!
I wouldn't expect my dh to so something he actively hates for me because we're married, something that's neither here nor there to him but important to me I'd absolutely expect him to do it. I really don't think that's that unusual!

Hmm I had a version of this - without the geographical distances. We lived equal distance from family/friends. I was expected to tip up at every work/family/friend/hobby related event. He dragged his heels with most of mine. Excuses varied from: I won't know anyone (never would if you don't go) noone wants to talk about what I want (incredibly niche hobby) to the I can't be added. Things came to a head over a christening - where I was godmother. I half gave up most of the time and went on my own to what I wanted and cut back on attending work/hobby things with him.

Definitely think you should stop going to his stuff, when you don't want to and then think about whether you wish to remain with a man who seems to enjoy this power trip

Well, yes he should go with you! I expect there are things with his family you go to, but would rather not, it's called supporting each other!
However, if you drag him along, he'll be resentful and arsey, so frankly I'd rather go on my own......tell him that you're going to tell everyone his piles are playing up too much to attend!

Don't want to be a drama queen here, but IME this selective (in favour of HIS family/friends) socialising has at its root a profound selfishness which you do need to address, as it can lead on to a situation where you become isolated from your support network, OP, and overly linked in to HIS support network.

I know at least 3 broken marriages where this issue was the first "red flag" in a worsening relationship.

I agree with a poster above - he likes you fussing about around him, begging him to come etc. Just go on your own and that's it. And be more selective about what events you attend with him.

It's about respect for each other - - sometimes you do things you don't want to do just because you love your dp ?

I think 'support' is about going to things like hospital appointments which might be painful or distressing.

It shouldn't be about needing to be joined at the hip, when you're basically catching up with old mates.

Over the last 20 years of marriage I've had to go to some really really excruciating social events to do with my partner's job. In the end we more or less gave up going to each other's works dos because they were just so terrible and we reckoned it was too much to ask of one another. On the other hand I did go along when the guy who had been a protege of his got married.

So each of us will do the half of a couple thing, if we feel it's really important to the other. But not automatically. Maybe being a strong couple is also about being able to let go of the other half. Rather than keeping up appearances all the time.

Unless these events come up every other week he should just go. Occasional obligatory social events are just part of being in a relationship, as long as it's not taking up a massive amount of his free time or clashing with something important he should just suck it up.

Having said what I said above, , my stepdaughter is marrying a bloke who never shows the slightest interest in accompanying her to gatherings involving her/our family though she is always expected to pitch up and visit his sick granny.

I am doubtful about their future.

I just go to stuff without my DH. He goes to the big stuff and my family think we are weird not to be joined at the hip. But he married me, not my whole family/friends.

It's about respect for each other - - sometimes you do things you don't want to do just because you love your dp ?

Totally agree with this. Doesn't mean you're joined at the hip and can't ever go solo/do your own thing. But it does mean that you turn up sometimes because your DP would like you to.

What would he do if you used his words back to him next time he wants you to go something that you don't want to go to?

Might be worth a go to see what happens - even if it just means you accept that you'll have to go to the christening or another event alone, at least you'll have a weekend at home alone and not at an event you don't really want to be at!

I would stop going to his events "But I want you to come!" "Well I want you to come to events with my friends and family but you wont so I dont see why I should put myself out when you dont"

You reap what you sow.

DH and I are completely united in our dislike of socialising with people we don't know. So we both go to some events alone and don't expect the other person to come along purely for the sake of being a couple.

I have much more fun anyway, if I don't have to worry that he's not enjoying himself.

are u married to my dh?

i have to advance warn him and i dont even go to a alot of occasions

he hates religious ceremonies so doesnt come to chrsitenings when he does though he sits alone usually being anti social

i get annoyed but i suppose i cant make him enjoy himself

we did get in a row once as i refused to go to some cousins wedding he hadnt seen for years miles away when he wont come and see my aunty up the road

just accept he doesnt like certain occasions

I would leave the children with him and enjoy a weekend on my own I would probably book A nice hotel for the night

If it was an event involving my closest friends and my DH didn't want to come, I certainly wouldn't make him. Go by yourself and have a good time. If it was something like a funeral and you really needed support that would be a different matter.

Being a couple doesn't mean being joined at the hip and having to do everything together.