To ask what constitutes a 'bad mum/parent' in your opinion?

[fruitysmoothie]

Just curious.....

How about someone who competitively parents with their grandchild's mother...

Someone who starves, batters and abuses their kids?

Don't most of us just do our best?

Probably. But some people's best isn't good enough, even if they love their children as much as they can.

Bad parents tend to be those who either abuse or allow abuse, including emotional and psychological. Usually due to placing their own needs first.

S'OK smoothie.I'm not either,so sending you and

Bad parents don't care

some bad parents like very much to appear to others to care quite a lot

A parent who prioritises their needs over their children's. That's with regards not providing basics for children when they provide them for themselves.

But then again I also think parents who raise children as the centre of their world, give up their life for them, don't raise them to realise parents are people too are equally as bad and raise entitled kids.

To me a good parent is someone who provides security and the basics within their abilities and raises children to have self confidence as well as respect for others.

Op, I read your other thread. Many things can make someone a bad mum. I think in your situation, you need to consider that failing to realise that your children are separate people and entitled to their own lives outside of your control probably makes someone a bad mum (and MiL). Then ask yourself if you want to pay any attention to the views of someone like that.

And no, normal discipline and time out, if it works for you, do not make you a bad mum!

Neglect, emotional and physical abuse etc. Also spoiling/ overindulging them with too many material things rather than spending quality time with them. Giving a child love, respect, discipline and guidance are basic essentials for being a good parent. Nobody gets it perfect all the time but as long as those basics are in place then you are parenting fine. Ignore your MIL.

Refusing to let your child see their father because he ended the relationship with you. Then training the child to call each new partner "daddy" as a way of coercing them into sticking around.

I think putting what you want before what your child needs.

Sorry, didn't read the entire thread

Funnily enough I just finished reading your other thread and clicked on this one fruitysmoothie. You're not the one who needs to worry about being a bad mother. Nothing wrong with discipline and time out. Your MIL OTOH sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work and I wouldn't pay much attention to her opinion of your parenting.

Maras, here's some and for you too!!

Mums who worry whether they they are doing a good job, and feel guilty for not spending more time playing, listening or educating, generally are doing a better job than the ones who blindly assume they are succeeding.

Swirlingasong, thank you and yes, perhaps I shouldn't take her opinions to heart considering the situation....

Yes, someone who cannot or will not put their children's needs above their own.

Flippinada - thank you sorry, could I ask what OTOH means? I'm still fairly new to Mumsnet haha!

I do those things all the time spermthrough!! Thought I was just a worrier!

fruity

She'd hate me, we have a naughty step 😱😱

You sound like a wonderful mum

Not putting your kids needs first.

I think overall you should put your kids needs first but on a day to day basis there are times I need to put myself first or I'd go insane. For example, there are times that my need for five minutes to sit down and eat my breakfast trumps their need for me to amuse them like some sort of on-tap entertainer.

In the grand scheme of things a 'good' parent has children who are fed, clothed, loved and cared for, and they have reasonable boundaries.

'Bad' parents are neglectful, abusive, choose not to provide adequate food or clothing, have absolutely no boundaries because they simply don't care where their children are or what they're doing.

I'm an optimist and I like to think that most parents fit into the 'good' category.

Ultimately, we're all making it up as we go along and if there was any one parenting method guaranteed to produce healthy, mentally well balanced adults then it would be the only parenting method in existence.

fruity it's just shorthand (ie the lazy way of saying something ) for "on the other hand".

Agree with the poster re the made up or incorrectly spelt name, it's the poor child who is stuck with it and th assumptions people make.

A bad parent neglects, fails to provide financially, doesn't bother with activities, takes no interest in school or spends one to one time with a child. Another main one is putting themselves first so their wants are more important than what the child wants or needs, be that spending priorities, new partners, new siblings etc.

Pinkyofpie thank you

Tarla, I completely agree with you!