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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this text was insensitive?!

26 replies

Lasagne1 · 21/10/2016 23:50

I have a 2 year old DD and have a friend with a DD about a year older. She has a partner who she lives with and is her DDs dad and all is well for her.

I left my DDs dad because of EA and he was utterly vile to me. He loves our daughter though and so far I have viewed no red flags in terms of her, just me, so he still sees her every other weekend. We separated in about January.

At the time, I opened up to my friend, she was there for me when I was angry about the split and when I was heartbroken that I had to let her go so she could spend time with him. She was struggling with her DDs dad herself and we used to discuss it together - however since then they have worked things out.

Tonight I got a text off her saying 'wow, really dont get how you leave DD every other weekend LOL, my DD has gone to her grandmas a night and has only been gone an hour and I just can't stop crying'

Aibu to think this is incredibly insensitive? I don't give my daughter away by choice. Yes, I've grown to enjoy my baby free time, but considering she was the one I turned to when I was heartbroken over it, I genuinely think this was such an insensitive comment to make

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 21/10/2016 23:52

It's a bit insensitive but if she's genuinely upset then she might be having a selfish moment.

Just call her out and ask "Did you mean to be so insensitive?"

If she's a bitch, she's a bitch. At least you'll know!

SansasEscape · 21/10/2016 23:56

Its a bit insensitive, but I just think it was innocent carelessness. She's sad, she wasn't thinking too much. I'd not make it a thing unless to start to notice a pattern.

NapQueen · 21/10/2016 23:59

Maybe she means it as "fuck me you are so strong doing this every other weekend. One night has broken me. You rock!"

Mishmashpotatoes · 21/10/2016 23:59

Let it slide. You're over reacting a little IMO

EleanorChipette · 22/10/2016 00:01

I think sometimes emotions don't come across well in texts etc. Maybe she meant it in a different way but just worded it a bit poorly. If otherwise you have a good friendship I wouldn't take it further.

However, if it bothers you still the next time your in touch maybe say you didn't quite understand her message and hopefully she'll clarify it.

If she meant it badly you'll realise and if not it will make you feel better.

EleanorChipette · 22/10/2016 00:03

Tbf that's exactly how I saw it as NapQueen has mentioned.

AyeAmarok · 22/10/2016 00:04

A bit insensitive, but doesn't sound malicious.

A tarty reply of "that's how I felt too, but I had no choice so I just had to get over it" should do the trick.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 22/10/2016 00:04

Unfortunate wording but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's just trying to identify with you especially as she's been a good friend in the past

DixieWishbone · 22/10/2016 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 22/10/2016 00:14

I'd just text back that yes, it is really hard, imagine how she'd feel if she had to do it EOW. And if you get a sympathetic text back, then she isn't being horrible.

Ilovecharliecat · 22/10/2016 00:18

You need to speak to her about this and clear the air, your DDs father has the right to see her, millions of us go through this, however I can't cope with the mothers who cry when thir DC spend a night away from them......#justlookingforsympathy

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 22/10/2016 00:18

Well is she LOLing or crying? As PPs have said, just say something along the lines of 'I know, it's hellish, but when you have no choice, you have to be strong'

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 22/10/2016 00:19

I never believe things like that. But yes, insensitive.

BlueFolly · 22/10/2016 00:24

God, she sounds awful. Even if she's not intending to be mean, what sort of person can't stop crying cos their kid's been gone an hour?

Chinlo · 22/10/2016 00:26

Yes you're overreacting. Seems very much like she meant it in the way Napqueen said.

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/10/2016 00:30

Her 3 year old has been gone one hour and she is crying?
If she doesn't have high anxiety or depression or something, then I think she's having an I care more than you contest. If it's that, you are right shes an insensitive dick.

Lollipopgirls · 22/10/2016 00:31

I think she was trying to empathise and it came out wrong!

clare2307 · 22/10/2016 00:33

Either her text was a badly worded way of trying to sympathise with you or she needs to get a grip if she is crying because her 3 year old has been gone for an hour!

pillowaddict · 22/10/2016 00:34

She sounds like a drama queen who is out for a "gosh I'm such a good mum" moment. Please do remind her this is not a choice for you and if she is a good friend she'll immediately see how insensitive she was being.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessCastismas · 22/10/2016 00:35

I don't think she's being intentionally unkind, but I also understand why you feel it is insensitive. If it's her first time away from DD, try to think back to when you were first separated from yours. It's a painful experience.

I think you've done brilliantly to keep up hassle-free contact, btw. You should be congratulating yourself on maintaining this situation in the face of your own difficulties with your ex. Good on you.

ImissGrannyW · 22/10/2016 00:38

I agree with Napqueen and Itshouldhave beenjess

Atenco · 22/10/2016 01:20

I don't think she is being insensitive at all, I think she is just saying that now she knows what you have been going through.

HappyCamel · 22/10/2016 01:40

This ^^

VimFuego101 · 22/10/2016 01:46

I read it the way NapQueen put it too. Unless she's prone to making digs at you?

differentnameforthis · 22/10/2016 02:10

What NapQueen said. The thing is with text, is that there isn't tone, or facial expressions with which to properly "read" it.

You seem to have immediately jumped to the worse case scenario. I don't think she has insinuated that you "give your child away"

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