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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly put upon

31 replies

voluptuagoodshag · 18/10/2016 20:28

Get a text from a parent asking if her DS can come back to play at ours after we've had dinner until 8pm coz he's been pestering her but she doesn't want us to feel intruded upon. DS is ok with it even though he already has a pal round for a sleepover and they were going to watch a film.

I text the parent to say it's ok and The DS duly arrives with his younger brother in tow. Film now cannot be watched as it's got an age rating so they play video games instead and then when I stick my head round the door at 8 to tell them it's time to go I'm told that the parent said it was ok for them to stay until 8.30. I texted parent to ask if this was the case but no reply and I don't want to send kids home in case no one is there.
It's not a huge problem but I can't help feeling that the parents just wanted rid of their kids for a couple of hours peace. This is fine but why not just say so!!!

OP posts:
TheHiphopopotamus · 18/10/2016 20:30

Yanbu. How rude! (Of the other parent)

Next time they text asking if their child(ren) can come over, say a definite no.

CrazyDuchess · 18/10/2016 20:30

Is it walking distance? Can you take the kids home and knock to make sure someone is home to take them? Is it not a school night??

ollieplimsoles · 18/10/2016 20:35

Bloody hell what cheek!

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 18/10/2016 20:39

Half term break here. She finally texted back at 8.30 to say yes it was ok if it wasn't too late for me (bit late to wonder). Kids walked home by themselves (just down road).

I don't mind watching kids when need be but hate it when it's done in a roundabout way. Just ask!

OP posts:
CozyAutumn · 18/10/2016 20:39

The parents are cheeky sods Shock

CrazyDuchess · 18/10/2016 20:41

Incredibly rude - i'd say no next time!

gettingitwrongputtingitright · 18/10/2016 20:46

Very cheeky.

clam · 18/10/2016 20:55

This is fine, but...
No, it bloody isn't!!

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 18/10/2016 21:14

Ok I'm thinking of texting her back - how should I word it. It's not the first time she's done this and rather than let it fester perhaps just setting record straight so she knows in future

OP posts:
cosmicglittergirl · 18/10/2016 21:16

No need to say anything now, just never say yes again.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/10/2016 21:19

Maybe something like "It's fine but next time mention ro me before the boys as they were disappointed when I said 8 and 8 really would have suited me better. They were fine though, also next time please tell me before younger ds arrives and movie plans had to change, I would have said no had I known. As i say it's fine now on both counts but I'll need to know in future"

Cheeky mare

rollonthesummer · 18/10/2016 21:24

Don't say anything now, but say no immediately to all future requests. She was very cheeky!

rollonthesummer · 18/10/2016 21:25

Did she specifically ask if he could come and play then stay at yours until 8pm!?

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 18/10/2016 21:33

Yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 18/10/2016 21:41

Have sent text along lines suggested. Boys are good pals so don't want to make things too awkward but also don't want to be taken for a mug either.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 18/10/2016 21:44

Tbh, friends or not, I'd just say no for the next few times she asks. She'll find someone else to put upon and you can still invite the lad over at times that are convenient to you.

BehindBlueEyes26 · 18/10/2016 21:55

Eeesh that isn't too considerate. YANBU I'd say. Maybe next time she asks, say no but that you'd be happy to rearrange for a specific time that works for the both of you. Being firm should hopefully do the trick. I totally understand why you feel irked by this!

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 18/10/2016 22:27

Well that went tits up. Apparently my DS had invited hers after dinner (but not the younger brother) but didn't bother checking with me first. I've now had to follow my original text with an offering of humble pie. Feckety feck.

OP posts:
Doyoufeelluckypunk · 18/10/2016 22:35

Noooooooooo!!!!

AnthonyPandy · 18/10/2016 22:48

Did your ds confirm that? And it doesn't explain why she asked for her older boy until 8 and it morphed into both until 8.30, does it?

YouTheCat · 18/10/2016 22:48

She's still taking the piss bringing the younger sibling without an invite.

Don't let her guilt you over this. And your ds needs to bloody say if he's asked people over. Kids!

ChuckBiscuits · 18/10/2016 22:56

If he had, why dis she have to ask?

You have been tangoed love.

clam · 18/10/2016 22:56

I don't see that that update changes anything, to be honest.

venys · 18/10/2016 23:13

I dunno - my boys are 5 and 3 so perhaps a bit young - but I know the younger one hates being left out if older one has something. Could it just have been younger one caught wind and insisted on coming over too last minute? Admittedly the mum could have checked with you if that was ok.

FluffyPineapple · 18/10/2016 23:18

You shouldn't have sent the text. She asked if her DS could come over to play until 8pm. You agreed. She sent both children - cheeky git! Then they overstayed their welcome - I would have been chomping at the bit by that time BUT they went home - eventually. You would have been better off saying nothing and having a great excuse for the next million times she is going to ask if her DS can come to play. Excuses range from "Ah... There's a shame we would love to have had him but we have arranged for DS to see his grandmother this evening" to "Ah... There's a shame, we would love to have had him but we have something else planned. Maybe my DS could have tea at yours as soon as we are both free?".

Do not allow yourself to be free childcare unless it suits you and the favour is reciprocated ;)

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