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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boys will be boys.

100 replies

oliviapl · 17/10/2016 13:47

I get so annoyed by this phrase. I feel like it lets kids get away with behaviour just because they're little boys while if girls did it they'd be chastised. A friend today had a toddler who was pushing over a girl the same age at a birthday party and just laughed and said ''boys will be boys, it means he likes her!''.

OP posts:
ample · 17/10/2016 17:05

Shameful in that this happens (not meaning it's shameful for the girls and women who experience it)

Electrolens · 17/10/2016 17:07

Absolutely YANBU. This is a brilliant article on if Clinton acted as Trump did

(I'm not for a second suggesting obvs that anyone's son would behave like this but for me it's the extension of the mentality 'boys will be boys')

mobile.nytimes.com/2016/10/16/opinion/sunday/if-hillary-clinton-groped-men.html?_r=0&referer=

reallyanotherone · 17/10/2016 20:36

DD is dirty, loud, active, energetic and would try to be pretty punchy if I let her. But she still gets called a 'litle angel' because she is a girl, she's classic Disney pretty and has long blonde hair. Everyone ignores and scabs, dirt and shouting because it doesn't fit their script

I was having a conversation with a mum in the playground. She was saying how great it was to be summer, they could play in the garden while she got on with stuff. I said I couldn't leave DD when she was young or she'd be up the apple tree, I've found her on the garage roof before.

She then said oh yes, that's exactly what little jimmy I look after is like, he does x, y, z too. "That's boys for you"

Sexism is so utterly ingrained.

YouTheCat · 17/10/2016 20:56

I spent half my youth up a tree or rolling around in muck or being somewhere I shouldn't be or getting chased by the park keeper. Grin

Happy days! I grew up in the 70s and I have to say the sexism is worse now. I can think of no occasion when I was told I couldn't do something because I was a girl.

Dontpanicpyke · 17/10/2016 21:06

Well youTheCat agree we all played out and played tough but I do remember that st my junior school we girls aged 10 did needlework while the boys played footy! Angry. We weren't allowed.

Agree op it's mad. My dds are actually far rougher than my lads were. Smile

Voteforpedr0 · 17/10/2016 21:12

Boys are genetically wired a bit different though. I get that phrase as boys do tend to be in general a little more, well, boisterous and hands on no ? Of course there are girls that are too but I would say that there is some truth to this.

YouTheCat · 17/10/2016 21:12

True. I had forgotten about that. But I got thrown out of needlework anyway.

YouTheCat · 17/10/2016 21:14

Vote, boys are like that because their behaviour is excused as them 'being boys'. Little girls are every bit as violent I was always fighting but it is not tolerated in the same way.

Dontpanicpyke · 17/10/2016 21:15

Ha ha yes me too frequently.

But I totally remember huge playground and street games where we all played together and no girls were treated differently.

QueenSpartacusOfTheAndals · 17/10/2016 21:22

I wish we could stop using the term "genetically wired" as there is no such thing. It's nurture, not nature!

Voteforpedr0 · 17/10/2016 21:34

Queen - but it's not all nuture is it ? Male and female bodies are different asides from the obvious. Of course a huge part is how we nurture our children and gender stereotyping but didn't Robert Winston do work where he found that boys played differently to girls and that there were many differences overall in behaviour.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2016 21:36

If it was genetically predetermined, it would be more universal. DD and another girl are the most energetic and active kids in their year. There are some very sensitive, empathetic, quiet boys.

It's just not true. I should hire DD out to people to prove this.

Lottapianos · 17/10/2016 21:37

It's absolutely nurture. Brains don't have wires and the 'male brain' and 'female brain' theory has been debunked. Most people treat boys and girls so differently and have different expectations of them from before they're even born, so it's no surprise there can be behavioural differences, but they are learned, not innate

YouTheCat · 17/10/2016 21:39

Vote, those children had already been affected by gender stereotypes though.

If Winston's findings were true, then babies would play and interact differently but they don't.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2016 21:39

There have also been studies that show that different language is used from birth about boys and girls. No wonder they play differently. I took DD in dungerees to an info session at the local preschool. She was the only girl not in a dress. No wonder she was climbing while the rest of the girls weren't. They weren't dressed for it, or socialized into it, or encouraged to do it.

Laquila · 17/10/2016 21:48

"Its a very dangerous phrase, for both boys and girls. It excuses rough or aggressive behaviour in little boys and doesn't help them to learn to modify their behaviour. It teaches little girls that boys get to do whatever they want to and they had better get used to it."

THIS, a thousand times.

I am currently very itrritated by a kids t-shirt in Sainsbury's that says "Rules Are Made To Be Broken". I think you can guess which aisle it's in 🙄

reallyanotherone · 17/10/2016 21:52

Boys are genetically wired a bit different though. I get that phrase as boys do tend to be in general a little more, well, boisterous and hands on no ? Of course there are girls that are too but I would say that there is some truth to this.

Nope. Boys are more boisterous and hands on because it is allowed and seen as normal "boy behaviour". Boisterous behaviour in girls is discouraged, and they are told to sit nicely, behave, not be so loud, told to dress in clothes they can't run about in, etc...

The amount of times i have sat in restaurants, the boys running about "blowing of steam", while the girl is not allowed to and made to sit at the table colouring.

Voteforpedr0 · 17/10/2016 21:53

Laquila - i agree, that tshirt should've said ' rules are made to be questioned '.

Mysecretgarden · 17/10/2016 21:55

sadly my DS uses it to justify rough behaviour and bashes DD about. EXP seems to find it ok.
I feel I am fighting a lonely battle.

reallyanotherone · 17/10/2016 22:00

Oh and my dd has short hair. If i dress her in jeans and a t-shirt she is treated completely differently to if she wears a dress. The language used is different, people have different expectations of behaviour. People spout complete gender nonsense- if they think she's male they tell me how she's such a typical boy, so active, i have my hands full, but i'll be grateful in the teenage years. If they think she's female i get comments on her bag (full of planes) and her dress, how she plays nicely, how girls are so much easier, etc etc.

That's if they're not totally and utterly confused by a child with short hair wearing a dress. "Has he borrowed his sisters clothes?"...

ssd · 17/10/2016 22:10

god everybodys an expert, arent they

Nope. Boys are more boisterous and hands on because it is allowed and seen as normal "boy behaviour". Boisterous behaviour in girls is discouraged, and they are told to sit nicely, behave, not be so loud, told to dress in clothes they can't run about in, etc...The amount of times i have sat in restaurants, the boys running about "blowing of steam", while the girl is not allowed to and made to sit at the table colouring.

if kids are running around in restaurants its cos their parents are lazy arsed gets who allow them to run round

so much shite written on MN about boys, teenage or otherwise

MostlyHet · 17/10/2016 22:19

That advert by the Australian government is great.

In my experience, the phrase "boys will be boys" is used by shit parents who don't care that they're bringing up bullies.

reallyanotherone · 17/10/2016 22:23

if kids are running around in restaurants its cos their parents are lazy arsed gets who allow them to run round

So lazy arsed when it comes to their sons, but manage to discipline their daughters?

missbishi · 17/10/2016 22:48

Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. That's why parents need to be parents.

ssd · 17/10/2016 22:53

FFS reallyanotherone, read my post will you??

lazy arsed when it comes to their kids, I didnt specify sons!!