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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boys will be boys.

100 replies

oliviapl · 17/10/2016 13:47

I get so annoyed by this phrase. I feel like it lets kids get away with behaviour just because they're little boys while if girls did it they'd be chastised. A friend today had a toddler who was pushing over a girl the same age at a birthday party and just laughed and said ''boys will be boys, it means he likes her!''.

OP posts:
CozyAutumn · 17/10/2016 14:46

user I have to admit I've never been bothered by vehicles/pirates/superheroes/dinosaurs etc.. on my child's clothing. I think they look cute.
And surely if someone wants to buy their dd something that the manufacturer originally designed for "a boy", they can do. If a little girl is in to vehicles then why can't her parents just buy her a top with vehicles on it off the "boys aisle"? It just seems like such a non-issue.

ample · 17/10/2016 14:50

Yes OP it's annoying. The mum is probably the type who would be horrified at her DS pushing a pram because to her that is not what boys do.
She's in for a rude awakening somewhere down the line

user1471494124, I agree. Boys t-shirts with logos.. 'Here Comes Trouble' or 'Little Trouble Maker' and babygrows with 'I Love Boobs'.
Nope, it's not that funny.
I have had issue with buying for DD as girls clothes have been labelled and almost always with sequins 'Princess', 'Queen Bee' or (I kid not) 'Future Model' Hmm.
Avoid.

Baby on board signs are similar - I see 'Future Bad Boy In Transit' on the back of car and I think to myself, bet you won't be happy about that when your DS is in juvenile detention, dickhead!
But each to their own eh

allegretto · 17/10/2016 14:52

Also, waiting in a loooong queue outside St Peter's in Rome, a woman pushed in front and when everyone complained she said, "oh but I just wanted to pop inside and see the church". Yes, because we were just queuing for the hell of it!

Tarla · 17/10/2016 14:53

Trumpette, it's currently being used to justify a boy being unkind to DD at school along with "I wonder if he maybe has a little crush on her...." Angry They're five for fucks sake and he's been doing things like threatening to cut her hair off, yanking her shorts and knickers down in front of everyone in PE, throwing a handful of mud at her face and shoving her over in the yard. Yeah. True fucking love, innit.

user, I hate the slogans on the clothes in the boys section, half of them may as well say "little shit in training".

allegretto · 17/10/2016 14:53

Oops - sorry, wrong thread!

Original poster
oliviapl · 17/10/2016 14:54

I think its totally weird how sexualised childrens clothes are in the way of slogans too! It creeps me out! I think some times the ''I love boobs'' things are trying to make BF seen as okay but when only for a boy its just...no.

Baby on Board signs are there for a specific reason, obviously, but I know what you mean ample about the trouble maker thing etc.

OP posts:
Petronius16 · 17/10/2016 14:54

Exactly, raising kids with this sort of thing allows the things that Trump has said to be labeled as ''locker room'' talk.

And Ched Evans was just being one of the lads.

Justsaynonow · 17/10/2016 14:56

I have both ds and dd. We have gender neutral rules - no taunting, no snowballs thrown or water gun sprays unless both agree to play, etc. A few years ago, my 6 yo ds was pushed down in the snow and facewashed by a 5yo girl - when he went to retaliate the mom intervened and said he couldn't because boys can't treat girls like that. WTF? I explained our "rules" and got a blank look. Her PFB could do no wrong...

This is the same mom who phoned me in a dither because one of the boys in our dds' class had brought a nudie magazine to school and was showing it to everyone. Turned out to be a National Geographic.

Needless to say, we've lost touch with that family.

Lottapianos · 17/10/2016 15:00

'it's currently being used to justify a boy being unkind to DD at school along with "I wonder if he maybe has a little crush on her...." '

I find that really gross. Ditto talk of little children having 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends'. Very creepy. Young children don't have crushes on anyone FFS. Ick.

derxa · 17/10/2016 15:12

''throw like a girl'' I do throw like a girl. It's always made me furious.

reallyanotherone · 17/10/2016 15:13

I saw a really good video of the boys being mean, pushing or being physical with girls meaning "he just likes you".

Starting off as children, then showing them growing older and girls have been conditioned to that behaviour from boys and men- "If he hits me it's because he loves me" attitude. Putting up with it, accepting it, seeing it as a sign of how much he cares. Boys not learning that it isn't the way to show affection...

Opened my eyes and I never excuse that behaviour now. I was very surprised to find how often "it's because he likes you" springs to my lips when DD complains about a boy being mean.

SpookyMooky · 17/10/2016 15:13

Absolutely OP.

I do like the way "throw like a girl" etc has been reclaimed though. But it won't benefit girls in families who use it in the original sense.

SmallBee · 17/10/2016 15:16

Urgh this phrase makes me furious. This was absolutely said by Donald Trumps mother.
It excuses their behaviour and diminishes it. It is never an acceptable thing to say.

CozyAutumn · 17/10/2016 15:19

A few years ago, my 6 yo ds was pushed down in the snow and facewashed by a 5yo girl - when he went to retaliate the mom intervened and said he couldn't because boys can't treat girls like that. WTF? I explained our "rules" and got a blank look. Her PFB could do no wrong...

See that sort of thing annoys me too. As soon as the boy goes to defend himself against a girl who is the instigator, people come out with "You can't do that to a girl!" and her behaviour is totally overlooked. Boys should take it like a man and all that rubbish. But if it was the other way around the boy would be told off for starting it and the girl is just defending herself. It's all a loads of bollocks this macho/delicate flower thing being pushed on to kids.

RubbishMantra · 17/10/2016 15:21

Paul Hollywood's 47 !?!

derxa · 17/10/2016 15:21

I grew upon a farm. None of the women I grew up were particularly girly. We all helped outside drove tractors etc. We played sports and did things like tug of war. I just can't relate to this pink world described. If anyone said 'Boys will be boys!' It would usually relate to some really stupid behaviour which was not admired.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2016 15:25

Whenever I was having 'boy' behaviour 'explained' to me, generally by a mother of a boy while DD and her DS were both running around playing madly, I would look blank and say, "I don't see a penis on DD and she is exactly like that" This stuff is so pervasive in the face of so much evidence to the contrary.

DD is dirty, loud, active, energetic and would try to be pretty punchy if I let her. But she still gets called a 'litle angel' because she is a girl, she's classic Disney pretty and has long blonde hair. Everyone ignores and scabs, dirt and shouting because it doesn't fit their script.

LauraMipsum · 17/10/2016 15:27

I've taken to describing my little tornado of activity as "girlsterous"

Grin

(And yes I know that's etymologically unsound...)

BeMorePanda · 17/10/2016 15:28

"it means he likes her" - this kind of rolls off the tongue all too often doesn't it? It was certainly said all the time in the 70's when I was a child.

It's setting girls up for that abusive man to come along - if he's horribly to you it means he really does love you.

If you ever find yourself going to say this to any child, just stop FFS! Engage your brain and say something else.

Elendon · 17/10/2016 16:02

My son having SEN since entering mainstream education, I always kept my powder dry until it came to secondary school. He was being bullied and refusing to go to school. I was told 'boys will be boys', and I'm afraid I let all hell loose, especially as I had photographic evidence of his facial bruises. Not in a nasty and uncontrolled way I have to say, but I made it clear that such thinking led to such behaviour. It's now an adopted policy not to say or think this anymore as an excuse for bad behaviour. And it is working!

OzzieFem · 17/10/2016 16:02

Australian govt is spending A$50 million on this advert.
'He just did it 'cause he likes you': Government unveils confronting ad ...

BeMorePanda · 17/10/2016 16:12

I watched that last night Ozzie.

DO NOT read the comments which are incredibly depressing reading.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2016 16:26

The comments are... I actually can't describe what I've just read. WTAF is wrong with people?

ample · 17/10/2016 17:03

That is an excellent advert of what is a sad and shameful reality.
I daren't read the comments

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