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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should we take the kids to church or the park?

65 replies

Sugarmagnolia · 08/02/2007 19:07

My folks are visiting for exactly 7 days. They come once a year because they live very far away. the first day is pretty much killed by jet-lag and 3 days the kids were in school. So that leaves 3 days for them to spend with the kids. And they want to spend an entire morning of one of those precious days going to church. Would the kids like to come, they ask? No, I say, they would like you to take them to the park and help them ride their bikes. They didn't like this answer.

Sooooo, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
hana · 08/02/2007 19:08

aren't church services usually one hour, two tops?

but yes, would think they'd want to spend every minute with your kdis

saadia · 08/02/2007 19:12

If they are religious and it is important to them then they might want the kids to be involved as well. I have to say I think you are being unreasonable.

NurseyJo · 08/02/2007 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Saturn74 · 08/02/2007 19:16

I think you should let them take the children to church with them.
So yes, I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

snig · 08/02/2007 19:19

how old are your kids, my ds would last about 2 minutes in church before creating hell? if its not your 'bag' just say no. Its not going to hurt for them to miss church for one week.

LittleBoSheep · 08/02/2007 19:24

Hmm i'm an aetheist so not the best person to comment.

I suppose if it doesnt take long then it might be worth going to church for a quiet life.

If its going to drag on for a while then personally I think they would be better off excercising in the park...their grandparents could always meet them there after church.

crunchie · 08/02/2007 19:30

IMHO you should let them take the kids to church, while you get on and do something more worthwile - kid free time = lazy lie in or chill out shopping trip

I am sure everyone will really enjoy themselves The kids will get quality time with their grandparents, your parents will get time with their grandkids, and you will get to relax. Oh and don't forget to force-feed the kids fruit shoots and chocolate before they go Just to ensure wveryone has the BEST possible time

Greensleeves · 08/02/2007 19:31

Park, park, park!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
Sugarmagnolia · 08/02/2007 19:39

I have to say, it's not church per say that I object to. We go from time to time, the kids are bored but understand that it's something we do. It's the inflexibility that bugs me. It's like snig said, it wouldn't hurt them to miss it for one week. They also HAVE to excersize every single day of their holiday and our days also have to allow time for that. My brother and his family never go so my parents wouldn't dream of trying to work that into a visit with them.

It's also not the shortest service in the world - and hour and a half minimum even if we miss the beginning.

I think the other thing that's bugging me is that I frequently have to take the kids to the park alone because DH is working. I would just enjoy having someone else with us to share the responsibility of running around after them.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 08/02/2007 19:42

Why not let them take the kids, and ask them to come home via the park?

They will have an awful time and next year they won't ask. And you get an hour to yourself.

Original poster
Sugarmagnolia · 08/02/2007 19:51

Because by the time they come home it will be time for lunch and we already have plans to see other family in the afternoon.

OP posts:
cat64 · 08/02/2007 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 08/02/2007 20:21

sugarmagnolia you sound a little CONTROLLING there I think that if you have not planned a schedule that allows them to go to church AND to the park, that isn't really their fault?

Is your lunch un-movable? I think it's reasonable for church-goers to want to go to church every week, even when they are away from home.

Beetrootccio · 08/02/2007 20:24

I think you should let them do what they want. You do sound a little controlling - nothing is good enough. You will enjoy their visist more if you relax a bit and maybe go along with them a little bit more. Older people are often set in their ways and we have to accept this rather than fighting it

Ladymuck · 08/02/2007 20:29

Yes.

To be honest I don't think that you can expect to control your parents diary. If your parents were local they might see the kids for a couple of hours a week say. You can't compress that into a week and expect it to be on a par. GPs (esp those who come to visit) will be used to having a lot of time to themselves every day. Exercise is part of that (and really doesn't sound unreasonable at all imo), as is church.

You haven't pulled your kids out of school for the visit so I think that the GPs are entitled to have some of their routine respected too.

sazzybee · 08/02/2007 20:30

Why do we have to accept that guests want us to fit in with what they want to do?

I think that's a bizarre attitude. When I go to someone's house, I'm their guest and fit in with their lives. I don't expect them to work around me.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all.

Ladymuck · 08/02/2007 20:36

I took it as an invitation to take the kids, not an order for the family to go. The GPs are doing what they normally do. OP is put out because they're not doing what she would like them to do.
When I have guests I do chat with them beforehand outlining some ideas as to what we might do together, but I don't expect to set out a full day long program for them. Likewise a good guest will come prepared with something to occupy themselves with for some of the time.

drifter · 08/02/2007 20:43

Think you should let them take the kids to church. It won't hurt the kids to have some exposure to religion for a change and they will all benefit from spending time together and you will get a rest. After all, you can take them to the park any time. Doesn't sound like they see the GPs much. Wouldn't hurt you to give in on this one.

Original poster
Sugarmagnolia · 08/02/2007 21:14

Actually, I did take the kids out of school for their visit, otherwise they would only have had 2 days to spend together.

Also, a couple of you suggested maybe they wanted to show off the kids to their friends. But they don't know anyone here except for DH's family. When we go to visit them and they want to take the kids for that reason I actually understand and don't object so much.

It looks like opinions are pretty much split 50/50 -still not sure what to do but I think maybe it's easier just not to fight it. By the way, am I the OP - not familiar with that one?

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 08/02/2007 21:17

I'd go with the church option, I think .

Tortington · 08/02/2007 21:19

yes you are faith is important to people who have it -i think your being unthoughtful, if however you dont want your children to attend then thats a different mateter - their faith is essentially up to you, so if you dont want them to have one - thats your choice - which should be respected by your folks.

howver if it doesnt righly bother you that your kids go to church let them go with granny - sit back enjoy a coffee and mumsnet

clairemow · 08/02/2007 21:21

I think you were honest about what the children would like to do. Now I think you should leave it up to your parents; either they go to church without the children, or go to the park with them.

Why don't you just let your parents ask the children when they come whether they'd like to go to church?

I wouldn't worry about it too much tbh. You might well find you're worrying about nothing. Leave it open for now, it's not like you have to book either activity in advance, grandparents and children could just decide on the day.

unknownrebelbang · 08/02/2007 21:25

For some people, going to church is one of those things that they have to do.

We've got family friends who, whenever they go away (often with my aunt and uncle who aren't churchgoers), they make time to go to church on a Sunday, it's a given.

I'd have to respect that viewpoint.

bandstand · 08/02/2007 21:27

i was going to say how about the novelty of the church with gp's, kids might appreciate that. park is nice too bt something different would be nice

sazzybee · 08/02/2007 21:34

It was me who used the term OP I think - it means original poster. But it may not be used on MN much - I'm new here and post on a couple of other forums