AIBU to choose work life balance over career and money?

[puglife15]

I'm considering leaving my 3 day a week professional, often stressful but well paid career to work in a lower pressure, lower paid environment on a consultancy / freelance basis, probably working half the hours I was before in a related field but probably on more interesting work. I'd also lose an excellent benefits package.

This would also mean less childcare required and I'd be able to do school pick ups and drop offs when dc1 starts next September.

We'd be able to eat and pay bills, but holidays, new clothes, new furniture, eating out etc wouldn't really be on the agenda. We currently save around £500 a month (for holidays and house stuff as well as longer term), that would be reduced.

In terms of career progression, if I needed to I think I'd be able to go back into a permanent (probably dull) job reasonably easily but at less money than I'm on now.

AIBU to consider this? How important is it to be able to pick kids up etc, and enjoy my work, vs how important is it to not be stressed about money? I've been doing the same job for nearly 15 years so I've lost perspective.

DH's career is going well but not brilliantly paid. I could currently earn more than him if I was ft but he really likes his work.

I second the last poster who said children get more expensive as they get older. I have worked 18 hours a week in a reasonably well paid job for the past 6 years or so after having a couple of years at home when DD2 was born and a contract ended. My husband earns fairly good money and we have always managed by being fairly frugal eg. all holidays UK camping, no take aways, very few nights out. However my elder daughter has recently got into an expensive sport which she is passionate about and it co-incided with the opportunity to up my hours at work. I couldn't have afforded to let her pursue her interest without the additional hours.

myown unfortunately DH's work won't let him go part time. We've requested this two or three times over the past 4 years. His job is very niche and there is almost nothing like it in the area (he already commutes 50 miles which means even after school club pick up is out of the question for him). I don't want to put our children into childcare full time.

Beebee I don't think the move would necessarily have a big detrimental impact on my earning potential as I'll still (hopefully) be doing a similar type of work, just on a freelance, very part time basis, and I hope in an area I'm more interested in. It's not like I'm going to be a sahm or doing an unskilled job. But maybe I'm being naive?

The other thing to mention - sorry if this is a drip feed - is that things are quite unstable in my current employer's industry and there have been a number of redundancies recently so is not like I'm guaranteed some long career with them anyway. Most other jobs I'm qualified for would pay less than I'm on now by about 20-30%.

Who knows what state the economy will be in in a few years, we might all be out of jobs - unless we are riot police!

I left a very well paid career to be at home with my dts's. I don't ever regret that decision.

I was all set for going back to work, childcare booked and everything sorted. The night before going back I sat down and thought WTF am I doing. I'd just spent nearly 10 years having Fertility treatment to get my sons and was never going to see them, they would still be in bed when I left in the morning and be in bed when I got home at night. All the extra money that afforded us would never ever compensate for that IMO.

In the end we have to do what's right for us.

I'm planning to do similar. Currently do four days (though one day from home). My Dh does some of the nursery drop offs while I go in super early so I can leave early to pick up, but that means he has to work late so I do long full on day at work, then nursery pick up, tea, bath, bed, dinner - we are always in a rush and both exhausted.
Dc3 due in April so after mat leave I'm either going to resign or potentially take a career break and see if I can get anywhere freelancing (I'm an accountant). I figure I might as well try, if it doesn't work or I don't like it I'm hopeful I could get another job, but closer to home.

I'd rather at least try! Can you do a career break rather than resign? Or give yourself a year or two to try and if it doesn't work you haven't been out of the market that long?

Do it. Life is too short to spend all that time on the work treadmill

I see your point OP but don't feel pressured into it when your DP earns less and won't give up to be SAHP. It's not looking at what's best from a family perspective in my opinion.

Do it. It sounds to me like you really want to but you're seeking validation. Do it.
My job is part time, not much in the way of promotion prospects but it's close to home, flexible and fantastic hours so I can do every school drop off. It's worth having less money to see my kids more. You only have one life. You won't wish you worked more when you're on your death bed!

Thanks peppa I don't feel pressured as such, although it's a real shame his employer won't reduce his hours. We did discuss him being sahp and he wasn't against the idea but when my employer granted me pt work and his didn't we just went with it. I didn't particularly want to work ft either.

We would both much prefer a situation where we shared childcare and work more evenly with both of us working part time. I wish his employer was more progressive - if he had another job to go to i would encourage him to bring a sex discrimination case against them as there are women in his dept who work pt.

Thanks everyone. Chasing I think you're right, just nervous that I will regret the drop in income. We're hardly rolling in it now.

Toostressy i don't think you're me, if you are I need see a doctor ;) that split could be an option for me to explore too although I think my contract may say I'm not allowed to freelance on the side, and of course there's a big chance they wouldn't agree to even further reduced hours. It's unprecedented where I am.

I'm also not sure whether to start moving towards the new plan now, or time it for when dc1 starts school to maximise income.

Yes I know - I'm lucky with my current contract and sadly my male colleagues aren't offered the same opportunity.

Just remember - they're only small for a short time but at the same time they are big for a long time and you want to maximise your opportunity to always be there for them

Only you can decide it. For me reducing work hours and spending comparatively more time at home messes with my head very badly and makes me a pretty awful mum wife and well person.

Longer term - again - taking a career step back will gnaw at me So I cannot pretend otherwise.

Every individual is different.

YANBU there'll always be jobs and money but your DC won't always need you to drop and collect from school. If you are in a position where you can do that why not?

How old are your children? It seems to be the general consensus that part time, well paid jobs are like hen's teeth. I work 3 days, one from home in a professional job I enjoy. My hours are flexible too. I'm the only part time person in our team. I started this job when my youngest was 9 months old and it was TOUGH. I thought many times about giving up and getting something locally that was lower paid/ lower skilled. But then I hear professionally qualified women who've taken a break complaining about how hard it is to get back into the job market at their previous level and how part time work is almost unheard of unless you're already employed and can negotiate with your employer. I stuck it out and I'm glad I did as I can imagine I'd be a lot more stressed if I'd given up my career and salary. Maybe you should talk to your current employer about your workload and try to get it reduced to the 3 days you are actually paid for? With the 3 days you should still get 4 days a week at home with your kids. Of course if you don't enjoy the work I guess it's a different situation, but I'd just beware of packing it in because it all seems too much now when in a year or 2 you might thank your lucky stars fur your current well paid job.

It's so hard peppatax - neither of us is a high earner although both above average... at ft wage I would be earning about 8k pa more than DH which after tax isn't huge. For people who earn the same as us in total but one partner earns much more it must be very clear cut who works and who doesn't, and is more likely to mean they can have a sahp if they wish. Obviously that has its drawbacks too as there is less choice.

YANBU, I don't think. Work life balance is so important, though it would clearly be better if the load weren't all falling on you in that respect. I think what's important here is you have a plan to keep on earning, progressing and developing, so it's not just jacking it all in. You might even find the consultancy more lucrative longer term.

Ellsteeth if it was my dream job I'd not think of leaving. I know how good I've got it regardless, I really do appreciate there's a lot that's great about it and that's why I've stayed so long. But I also know it's not where I really want to be and this is my dilemma - people would kill for what I've got right now (well paid part time flexible job with career progression) but do I choose potential better job satisfaction, ability to do pick ups etc and less stress over a good situation 'on paper'?

I've also got massive fear of the unknown. Children are 4 and under 1.

Hyacinth thank you. You're right it could be lucrative longer term. I think I'm just scared having been in this job 15 years.

I did this OP, gave up a very demanding, stressful, six figure salary job. Long commute and job related travel. Took a couple of years off, did two complimentary professional qualifications and worked for myself in a fairly niche area, not making much money but gaining experience and getting known.

DD is about to go to secondary school and I have recently accepted a full time job, very very flexible, 30% of former salary, fantastic pension, reasonably responsible. 4 miles down the road. She can come to work with me and walk to school/back to my office on the days I am in (I cram my working week into 3 or 4 days with a bit from home).

Money isn't everything and I am so pleased that I did what I did, ten years has whizzed by and I was always there for her/we had a lot of fun.

Not right for everyone but definitely the right decision for me/us. When I look at how quickly the first ten years have gone it won't seem long before she is leaving home.

Life is short. If you can afford it I would definitely recommend it.

Do it! I left my well paid, stable, "lifelong" career with a fantastic company when DD was 2 because I couldn't bear seeing her being the last one in the nursery at 6pm. All alone while the carers cleaned around her. It broke my heart. As mad as it sounds, the moment she was born, I started feeling guilty that I'd never do the school run and that never went away. I now work as a school secretary part time and the money is crap but the hours are perfect. If anything, I am probably busier now than I was with a full time job, but I'm busy keeeping DD busy which is exactly what I wanted. I've never looked back. It was hard at first, but I've never been happier. If you're in a position to be able to do it, absolutely go for it xxx

What about further reduction of hours at the current job and gradually introducing the freelancing?

As you have a well paid part-time job I'd hold onto it. They are hard to get. Is there any way you can manage the stress at work?

I'm asking that question because I work part time. It was stressful because I was being bullied. I stuck at it and the bullying has stopped (for now). Is there anything you can do to make it less stressful? Because a part-time job gives the best combination of financial security and work life balance.

If the timing is flexible, can you start by putting away the difference for a few months, to see a) how you manage on that and b) give you some money to help tide you over periods of no contracts/illness?

Also, could you try it for size by taking a sabbatical?

Just met up with someone this w/end - a friend of my partner. She was a teacher and wanted to give it up to do something less stressful/less well-paid. She took an extra year as a temp teacher to get some more money and she learnt last week - 3 months into a part time job she has cancer that has spread through her body and may not be treatable. You never know what life is going to throw at you so if less money/more time works for you I'd say go for it.

I've done it. The reduction in my personal income bugs me sometimes but I've no regrets.