To think it's ok if DD doesn't have a birthday party every year?

[yorkshapudding]

DD turns three in a couple of weeks. We had a party for her first birthday, which was lovely, lots of friends and family. Last year we took her to a theme park type attraction for the day then had a Birthday Tea (at our house, did a buffet, cake etc) for grandparents, aunts and uncles and their DC in the evening. This year we haven't got around to planning anything yet due to being busy with work and house reservations so we'll probably take her for a nice day out somewhere.

Yesterday DH told me he feels "really guilty" that she won't be having a party this year and didn't have one last year (buffet at our house didn't count as a party apparently because it was only family and their DC) and that "we will definitely have to have one next year". He seems to think it's a really big deal, like we're depriving her or something whereas I don't see it as an issue if she doesn't have an actual party every year as long as she has a nice time.

Part of me is also a bit annoyed as surely if it was that important to him he could have taken the initiative to organise something himself or at least told me he wanted her to have a party before it's too late to do anything about it!

I suspect this is partly because his sister's always throw their DC's a big party every year and they seem to get bigger and more elaborate each time. They usually with multiple children's entertainers, a professional photographer and/ or videographer, cake so big it looks like it needs a mortgage etc. so I wonder if he's worried we'll look mean by comparison. His parents have always blatantly favoured his sisters and are quick to compare our DD to their DC's so I wouldn't be surprised if one of them has said something. DH said it's not that but I think it's a bit of a coincidence that he suddenly came out with this after we were visiting his family yesterday.

I don't have a problem with hosting parties, I'm happy to do it as long as I have a bit of notice. I just don't think that we have anything to feel guilty about and I don't believe our DD is the only child who doesn't have a party every year whereas DH seems to think she is!

Perfectly willing to be told I am being unreasonable by the way if that's the consensus. I don't want DD to be spoilt but I don't want her to feel hard done by either.

Fleur there is no way I can afford the extravagant events that DD's cousins have (and completely take for granted) every year. So even if she did have a party every year, it would still be noticeably different from her cousins. I am neither "mean" or "lazy" so her birthday will be a special day, every year, I can assure you but I am not prepared to go into debt for a birthday party.

Even if I took your advice and banned DD from her cousins birthday parties, she will still growing up noticing that they have bigger holidays, more Christmas presents, designer clothes, basically whatever they want whenever they want it. So unless I cut my DH's family out of our lives completely not sure what I can do about that

Maybe DD will just have to learn that some people have less money than others (or are less reckless and willing to bury themselves in debt as the case may be) and that it doesn't necessarily mean they are "mean" or "lazy".

Mine had about two parties all their lives they never suffered and don't hold it against me

Mine had two parties, too. They weren't big fans of them, other birthdays were either low-key outings with a couple of best friends, or a family outing to somewhere like a wildlife park.

They had cake each year, and we have photos to prove it. I don't think they feel at all deprived.