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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take children wedding dress shopping?

44 replies

PigInMuck86 · 16/10/2016 07:42

Sis is getting married next year and wants to go wedding dress shopping in half term. Unfortunately DH is working that week 9 a.m. till 10 p.m. Mon - Sat and we have a trip planned on the Sunday she is here which we cannot change. I have three children aged 8, 6 and 16 months. Sis said to just bring them - it will just be a couple of hours. The 8 and 6 year old i could plug into something but the baby? Shes at that destroy stage and i doubt the fancy bridal shop will be happy with a whirling dervish pulling dresses off hangers. Shes also just dropped her day time nap. No babysitters - my mam who usually helps will be dress shopping too. I explained to my sis and wished her a lovely time. Now she is complaining to my mum i am making up excuses to not be part of the wedding and is apparently very hurt. AIBU?

OP posts:
NightCzar · 16/10/2016 07:47

Take them once and she'll see what you mean.

FleurThomas · 16/10/2016 07:50

I took my 14 month old neice wedding shopping for my own dress (no baby sitters and sis wasn't well so I took her to India for the weekend with me and my mum). It involved some tears at the beginning, but was overall a lovely experience. Her reaction to the dresses was adorable, she'd put her hands over her head and scream princess everytime I wore a white dress. It was one of the most beautiful memories of my wedding.

Gwenci · 16/10/2016 07:52

God no, YANBU at all. My DC at 16 months would've wreaked havoc.

However, if she's that adamant and 'very hurt', even though you've presumably told her how disruptive the baby would be, could you go along anyway? It's not like you haven't warned her!

ConvincingLiar · 16/10/2016 08:03

Take them to the first appointment and then bail if it becomes too much? Take a pushchair so you can sit her down? Or have her on your lap. Just don't allow grubby hands on dresses and they can put up with grizzling.

jobrum · 16/10/2016 08:06

Three? No. You will miss all the dresses trying to keep them entertained and if one gets bored they will all wind each other up. On the plus side you'd be able to tell your sister "I told you so"!

I think you'll just have to tey and explain. When was the last time your sister was out with you and the three dc? Maybe a little trip somewhere before the dress shopping will make ger change her mind. But you can guarentee that you will have the best behaved dc ever if you did this!

Lovemylittlebear · 16/10/2016 08:08

I'd definitely take them and just leave and go somewhere else if it becomes too much :)

merrymouse · 16/10/2016 08:09

No, no, no.

I have done toddler wrangling and wedding organising. You wouldn't be 'part of the wedding'. You would be chasing a toddler in a room full of expensive dresses, occasionally catching a glance of your sister.

(And even when 'plugged in', 6 and 8 year olds can still be bored, hungry and arguing).

gallicgirl · 16/10/2016 08:10

You might find the dress shops won't be very pleased about having children there either.

I think your sister needs to grow up a bit. You don't need a huge audience when trying on dresses and it will be dull for little ones.

Original poster
PigInMuck86 · 16/10/2016 08:11

Liar she hates the pushchair and while i cheerfully ignore her i'm guessing a baby screaming full pelt isn't going to create a lovely atmostphere. I"ve just rang my older sister who is a single parent and her son has ADHD and she has also said she cannot manage and has had the same response. So we are going to tag team between us - if little sis will agree to the bridal shop near a museum and not the current one in the middle of an industrial estate. Ironically the one by the museum has more choice, is cheaper and has better reviews but im predicting another tantrum Hmm

OP posts:
pleasestopsnoring · 16/10/2016 08:12

I take she doesn't have children so doesn't realise what is going to happen

Go, enjoy the bits you can keep the little one entertained as long as possible then bow out graciously blaming hunger or something.

Original poster
PigInMuck86 · 16/10/2016 08:14

Oh and joybrum she barely sees them and hasn't a clue. The last time i travelled 250 miles to visit her she stropped because i didn't "care enough" to take her out to eat. Currently dd1&2 have been asked to be bridsemaids but dd3 isn't to be involved at all.

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 16/10/2016 08:17

Holy crap! Where has she got appointments because a lot of bridal shops don't exactly welcome children... some boutiques will treat your sister like someone to get rid of ASAP because children (especially the baby) are literally a dress damaging hazard. At 6 or 8 they will be GAGGING to touch the dresses and bringing children into a shop where they can't touch anything will be hell on earth. You can't take colours and paper with you. Toys cant be played with out of their seats. You will ALMOST certainly be asked to leave of you crack out ANY food or drink for them. It's almost 100% plug them in to a screen and pray it's interesting enough.
I think that sending your apologies was literally the most selfless thing you could have done. But. If your sister wants to play bridezilla then spell out your concerns to your mum, your sister and whoever else she'll have there and then take the kids. She's clearly delusional about kid's inclinations to sit and watch.

Oh. And when the kids misbehave because they're children and totally normal, just take them home. That way she can't accuse you of having something "better" planned and so "letting" the children be bored.

Good luck!!!

Only1scoop · 16/10/2016 08:19

Why on earth would you go? Sounds like pure hell

heateallthebuns · 16/10/2016 08:21

Could your mum have a word with her and say 'lets have one appointment just us two, I'd really like to do that with you, then your sisters can come another time when they've got a babysitter and we can show them the best ones'?

Btw, are you in Dublin?

heateallthebuns · 16/10/2016 08:23

Or if it's that important to her for you to always be there, could you suggest another date?

ThirdTimeLuck · 16/10/2016 08:24

Well sis sounds like a nightmare Confused. But, saying that, it looks like you have to try and find a way around it. My first port of call would be the bridal shop - sis will most likely have made an appointment as every bridal shop I've been in was appointment only (this might be different of course). You could then ask if they allow children who are not being fitted for wedding outfits, you may find they are not permitted as was the case in a few when I was being fitted. If the shop has room for a few brides at a time and is appointment only they really won't want children in there. It would ruin the experience for everyone if they didn't sit still and trying on dresses is largely about the experience. I know I wouldn't have appreciated someone else's children being there.

If they do allow children then go, but leave after a few minutes when she's seen how impractical it is. Your older children shouldn't have to sit through it, how boring. I'd turn up and then leave after a few mins before returning for the last few minutes.

I'm wondering what she has planned for the actual wedding since she has no idea about children at all Shock. YANBU she sounds like a brat.

FreshHorizons · 16/10/2016 08:29

I would just take them and let her find out!

SuperFlyHigh · 16/10/2016 08:33

Is one of these shops in a shopping centre where they have a baby crèche? Job done!

SuperFlyHigh · 16/10/2016 08:35

Can't she do shop near the museum one day and the industrial estate one another day when you could if you want to source more childcare?

Crisscrosscranky · 16/10/2016 08:42

YANBU. I took my DD (2 at the time) wedding dress shopping when getting my dress (with my DM and DMIL). 2 out of 3 of the bridal shops were VERY sniffy about it and she had to stay in buggy the whole time.

Original poster
PigInMuck86 · 16/10/2016 08:44

Yep shes a spoiled brat and unfortunately my mam sides with her. She managed when we were small - i mean she had a nanny and a cleaner but hey ho they had to be managed you know. I live on a sink council estate and have no money but am suppose to manage just as well as she does.
I'll ring my lil sis this pm and have another chat. No baby creche sadly unless ikea do wedding dresses now?

OP posts:
IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 16/10/2016 08:50

I'd be tempted to go and watch it all unfold

DrinkReprehensibly · 16/10/2016 08:54

I went wedding dress shopping and didn't stay long in one shop because someone else's 8 year old boy was in the dressing room mirror bit staring at me trying to grapple with dresses that didn't do up at the back because they were too small but you had to in order to imagine the style in the right size etc. I'm sure most people who have been wedding dress shopping have weathered the 'trying on a dress that doesn't fit' thing. It wasn't his fault. It was fascinating for him, but as someone not massively body confident, it made me feel uncomfortable and we left after trying just one dress despite trying to be as understanding as possible towards other people's kids.

That kind of thing might be why some shops discourage kids.

neonrainbow · 16/10/2016 08:59

No wedding dress shop I've ever been in will welcome children. You've got no alternative so your sister will have to grow up. If she's anything like me i went to about 5 different shops so there will be other chances.

JosephineMaynard · 16/10/2016 09:00

Hopefully the tag teaming with you and your other sister will work.

I agree that taking children along to this sort of thing is a bad idea, she'll almost certainly have a much better time if it's adults only.

But if she's carrying on about how hurt she is and that you're making excuses etc, I'd be inclined to just think fuck it and take them along anyway. Let her see for herself why it's not a good day out for children and that you're not just being awkward.

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