To think it serves her right?

[JunosRevenge]

My DD was treated badly all through primary and secondary school by her group of 'friends'. They put her down at every opportunity, and called her stupid. Her nickname to them was 'Airhead'. They criticised her clothes, her hair, her other friends, her pastimes and hobbies. They all played instruments and she was mocked for not being as good as them.

We moved away when she was 16 and despite being diagnosed with severe anxiety, she did very well at A levels and is now at her 1st choice uni. Just started her 2nd year.

Yesterday I heard that the chief Mean Girl (studying medicine at prestigious university) completely failed all her 1st year exams. She has dropped out (much to the fury of her parents) and is working at a shop in the Uni town.

I can't help feeling just a bit pleased. Does this make me a bad person?

*delete 'for' in previous post. Bloody typo :(

My ex who abused me many years ago is now a partner in a top European firm and seems delighted with his life.
I've had to scale back my career as I had a mental break down and only recently began to work up again. It's going to be a tough slog.

If anyone sees Karma can you tell it that Vladmirs is in need of some?

vlad I'm sorry and I hope karma bites him on the arse. It will some day I truly believe, but I'll hope for it to happen sooner rather than later!

It would give me a warm rosy glow if I found out that one of my DDs tormentors wasn't finding life all plain sailing . . .

. . . you are not alone.

The mills of God grind very slowly but very, very small.

Gloat away! You deserve it and so does she!

Sorry to hear that Vlad. I'm sure that Karma will find a way though. Best thing you can do is be glad you got away. My DD says that she only started to enjoy life when we moved away . She's in a great place now.

For you

Yeah, karma is a bitch alright. But I wonder if Mean Girl was studying medicine to please her parents and not because she wanted to be a doctor? In which case she is probably delighted to have finished with exams and stress and is enjoying working in a shop. I often wonder if bullies are bullied in other areas of their lives.
Or maybe its only for the best that a nasty cow didn't become a doctor

No of course it doesn't make you a bad person!

Those years must have been horrendous for your DD and you!

Good for your DD turning all the shit around that they put on her and doing so well,you must be very proud

With the other girl she's now founding out what Karma is like!

Not at all, Usual. I've done enough of it in my time.

I don't believe in karma. Bad things happen to good people and good things to bad people.
In OP's case I'd be myself and my DD and expensive box of chocolate and dance a merry dance, without even pretending I'm ashamed for my gloating.

FirstTimer ...you should take in to account that that girl is not the same girl she was in primary/secondary school. Are you the same person you were in school?

Erm, yes I am, basically. I know more stuff but I haven't radically changed in personality.
I hate the way bullies get these excuses made - I was targetted by a bully at a young age and it has clouded my relationships ever since becase I learnt to just obey the other person and try to please them at all costs! Naturally this led to mental health issues so I've been wrung through the MH system, much to my detriment because relatiomship issues used to be automatically blamed on the patient esp. if female and self harming to cope - basically told you're making a fuss and encouraged to keep on trying to please others. The bully moved schools, thankfully, but I later found out she'd targetted a disabled girl at her new school.

As for kids bullying in secondary school - absolutely no excuse. The slate doesn't suddenly wipe clean for the bullied person at 18 - why should it for the horrible bully?

So shop work is only fit for mean girls and bullies? Exactly.
I don't believe in karma at all. I discovered that someone who caused me a great deal of harm died earlier this year. It didn't bring me pleasure at all.
You're still giving the 'mean girl' power over you and your DD by giving her any head space.

The idea that she isn't the same person is quite right. She isn't.
But if we were talking about about bully in primary that is struggling at the first year of Uni. It would make sense.
However, we are talking about someone who was still very mean to the same person age 16, so only 3 years before, having been awful for the previous 8 years. I doubt that she will have changed THAT much.

I think I'd feel the same way..

..but there's another side to this. Often chief bullies often do it for a reason - which has nothing to do with their victim(s) (and nothing excuses what they do/have done either - ever). So she was either born mean, or learned it as a way to deal with the world.

Given that her parents are furious that she's dropped out of med school after failing, rather than supporting her in what must have been a VERY difficult time for her, I think we might be able to say that it serves her right AND her parents right, but also hold a tiny bit of compassion for her at the same time: she doesn't seem to have a mother or father who care about her in the way you do about your DD.

You're still giving the 'mean girl' power over you and your DD by giving her any head space.

Valid point. The healthiest thing is to not care at all.

In all honesty I haven't given Mean Girl much head space at all in the last 3 years. By next week she (and Mean Mum) will be consigned to the back of my mind again. But today I'm having a discreet little titter.

Yes, yes, yes to the poster who said it would be Mean Girl and her mum looking down on shop assistants. I never do. I spent long enough behind a shop counter when I was studying, and regard sales people with the utmost of respect unlike my snobby in laws, but that's another story.

Hopefully while she is behind the counter, she might learn some empathy. But I doubt it.

You're not a bad person... just human. But it won't actually make you feel any better in the long run. Someone told me once that hurting people hurt people. I try to remember this and feel sad for them instead of angry...I think that's winning, if that makes any sense.

YANBU

They say that success is the best revenge. My DD3 had speech issues, Tourette's and was very OCD. She was pretty much written off by the school, and even by my ex - her own father ffs!

She's now doing her A levels and is also part of the GB youth team. Can't say which sport as it might out me.

dotdot love that proverb

No, don't gloat, just be thankful that with your support your child has had the mental resilience to pull through and is now enjoying her life.

it is probable that the mean girl has had dreadful issues during her first year, possibly with extreme stress,depression or other mental health problems. It happens to a great many first years, especially on pressurised courses like medicine, and is devastating.

If you truly believe in karma then don't wish that on anyone. Just love and support your lovely girl and give blessings for her continued wellbeing.What she went through was horrendous, but she has come through it and moved on, so should you.