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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that Nursery is forcing potty training at a prescribed age?

61 replies

Waitinforaflamin · 14/10/2016 22:03

So, my DC has just started nursery in the last 3 months. She is just over 2. Sold as a lovely nursery, nurturing, child centered. An email was sent out yesterday to all parents advising that they have changed their 'policy' and as of January any child over 2.5 who is not potty trained will be excluded.

My understanding is that forcing a child to PT prematurely can be detrimental to them developmentally. Also my child is no where near PT therefore I will have to take out weeks or more from work until my child is reliably trained before I can send them back. When asked to clarify this, they confirmed that this was the new policy as they were wasting time changing nappies and couldn't meet every child's needs?! This is a setting that takes children 3 months to 5 years and is not attached to a school.

I get the fact the parent needs and should take responsibility for the PT of their child, but surely its not unreasonable to work with a nursery in respect of this - especially if your child is full time.

AIBU to be hacked off with this attitude fuck off we cant be arsed to wipe arses attitude and the new policy?

OP posts:
WhoKnewSeamus · 14/10/2016 22:30

Are the over prescribed and trying to get rid of a few?
I wouldn't want to send DC to somewhere with that kind of ethos

Eyedrophell · 14/10/2016 22:33

There is a huge difference between encouraging less dummy use, educating staff to support parents etc and deciding that no child can have one over a year

Original poster
Waitinforaflamin · 14/10/2016 22:33

Littlefish / BusStopBetty - if its a policy before you sign up at least parents are signing up to it, and have time to work towards weaning. But to then say to existing parents you have 3 days to wean is a bit harsh IMHO. They should be working with the existing parents to wean in an appropriate manner. Which could be a week or could be a month.

OP posts:
Original poster
Waitinforaflamin · 14/10/2016 22:35

WhoKnewSeamus - they have only been open a year and have only JUST become full - so who knows what they are playing at. They dont even have a built up reputation to hide behind knowing they can do what they want and people will still come.

OP posts:
BusStopBetty · 14/10/2016 22:37

Yes, the short notice is shit.

Have they been taken over or have a new manager?

Shurelyshomemistake · 14/10/2016 22:37

Have ttey got a new and useless manager hy any chance??

Either way I'd run. Shows very poor understanding of child development.

belleandsnowwhite · 14/10/2016 22:38

My dd nursery that was attached to a school changed nappies of children who were almost 4! They were very supportive of parents in this area.

Herhighness · 14/10/2016 22:38

This reply has been deleted

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ElizabethG81 · 14/10/2016 22:40

I'd be looking for another nursery. I'd be concerned about how they'd react and respond to the very normal accidents that children have when potty training if they "haven't got time" to change nappies. I'd also be telling them it was none of their business if my 1 year old child had a dummy. Also, as others have said, report them to Ofsted.

Piratepete1 · 14/10/2016 22:45

As an ex Ofsted inspector I say remove your child and report. Children (and parents) should be encouraged to potty train when the child is ready, not on a schedule. This goes against all early years philosophies. Also, the dummy use is quite barbaric. Some children will need them to self sooth when their parent's leave them or when they fall over etc. Dummy use should be managed....removed as much as possible to aid speech development but not to the child's emotional detriment. To be honest it sounds as if they are trying to cut corners and manage on a skeleton staff. Profit before care.

x2boys · 14/10/2016 22:47

well this is clearly discrimination what about children with disabillities i,m the mother of a six yr old in nappies he has complex needs.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/10/2016 22:49

As someone who has a fairly recently trained child I can confirm that caring for a newly potty trained child takes up far far far more time than a quick nappy change every 3 hours.

Piratepete1 · 14/10/2016 22:49

Also, you cannot have a blanket policy like that as it does not take into account children with special needs.

Original poster
Waitinforaflamin · 14/10/2016 22:49

Thank you Piratepete1 for the Ofsted perspective. My gut feel that it was against EYFS philosophies and your comments have been helpful.

OP posts:
Masketti · 14/10/2016 22:54

My DD is pretty advanced in many ways (early speech, walking, size of children 1 year old) but we didn't start tt her till 2.5 so for it to be a blanket policy assumes all children are ready at exactly the same age. She's exceptionally tall for her age but she struggled with getting on and off, washing hands and even a year later her arms aren't long enough to wipe her poo (think T Rex arms Grin) So I'd have a word with the nursery about unreasonable expectations.

TiggyD · 14/10/2016 22:55

Nursery worker here.

They can't do it and it's a sign they're massively shit. Report and run.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 14/10/2016 22:56

Shocking. I hope you can find somewhere else soon.

It's clearly illegal.

Once you've reported it to OFSTED and found a new place for your child, make sure you write to the local paper.

I'm another one who had a child with SN (at that point undiagnosed) who potty trained very late. He couldn't even wipe his own bum until about 7.

Of course it's better that kids don't have dummies, and then don't have dummies apart from at nap time but you can't expect that kind of transition in a toddler in a week! Madness but also very unkind.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/10/2016 22:59

My ds 4.9 who has dev delay and speech delay, was not clean and dry till July of this year, when he was dev ready. What about kids who have un dx sn, or who are slower. Totally unacceptable!.

TwigTheWonderKid · 14/10/2016 23:00

OP obviously you're going to withdraw your child but please do report the setting to Ofsted for the benefit of the children whose parents are not as clued-up as you.

JosephineMaynard · 14/10/2016 23:05

I'm surprised that they're allowed to insist on potty training.

I was looking at a pre-school attached to a private school for DC2 (just 3) recently - they take children from the term they turn 3, so the youngest can be a few months before their 3rd birthday.
I told them that we hadn't started potty training DC2 yet, and the nursery teacher told me that they weren't allowed to refuse to accept a child on the grounds that they're still in nappies, as that can count as disability discrimination, and they work with parents to help the children towards successful potty training. Although they do prefer children starting to be potty trained for obvious reasons.

DC2's current nursery, while again preferring children over 3 to be potty trained, doesn't issue parents with ultimatums over when potty training should be done by, and they were very supportive of DC1 and his multiple toileting accidents when he was there and potty training (which didn't start until shortly before his 3rd birthday).

Saku · 14/10/2016 23:06

I tried PT with my DS at 2 year 7 months ... he just went 2 days on potty.. then back to nappy .. was not at all ready to go to potty training.. regardless.. chocolate rewards or anything..

then at 2y11m he gave little indication and interest on potty.. and again back off...

at last at 3 y 2 m ... he showed interest and PT within 2 days.. now on..

Soo it is developmental.. they should not force.

Crunchymum · 14/10/2016 23:08

My DS started preschool the day after his 3rd birthday and it was on a 'dry only' condition. The stress and worry and frustration to toilet train in a time frame was horrific. It's been a year and whilst DS hasn't actually had any accidents he is still in a night-time nappy.

I would challenge the nursery and be prepared to stick to your guns and leave if need be

blaeberry · 14/10/2016 23:16

My ds finally 'got it' at 5. He does have SEN but these were only just becoming apparent at 2.5 (though in retrospect they were visible earlier). On the other hand my dd has no SEN and was only reliably trained at 4; she was in pants earlier but having accidents most days. Their policy is clearly discriminatory and illegal and also ridiculous from a time-saving perspective.

Original poster
Waitinforaflamin · 14/10/2016 23:16

Crunchymum - I did challenge them and that is when they came back and said that were spending too much time changing nappies and its for the benefit of everyone.

I have told them I am leaving, and DC will not be returning Monday. Still need to figure out childcare until we to get her a place elsewhere but I cannot send her back after this ultimatum and their response back basically saying too bad, leave.

She uses a dummy too, and its linked to a MH issue and I cannot agree for her welfare to remove it abruptly and it would need to be worked towards and they know that and its been discussed so its another nail in the coffin, but I know the dummy thing isn't unreasonable to ask for it to be reduced / removed over time for most children, hence my post being about the PT as this I think has a potential detrimental affect for any child.

OP posts:
blaeberry · 14/10/2016 23:25

wait please report them even though you are leaving. I did that with a nursery; left immediately and told them I wasn't paying notice as I felt they were in breech of contract. They were inspected as part of my complaint and criticised for toileting procedures (not about blanket PT in this case). My complaint about staffing levels was not upheld as it couldn't be proved but will have made them pull their socks up.