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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to buy the best man a suit?

64 replies

BarbaraAtTheGardenParty · 14/10/2016 08:02

DP and I are getting married next year and we want to be reasonably frugal. We are happy to spend money where we think it will be appreciated by us and our guests, and we are very lucky that my parents are paying for the reception, which will be relaxed and low-key and will have a bit of a rustic feel to it, however the other costs are still adding up for us and we aren't in a position to spend unnecessarily.

We thought that as the best man and ushers own decent suits and we aren't having a really formal day we could just buy the best man a tie and pocket square to match DP and get him a boutonniere, rather than buy him a matching suit. We don't think he would be at all fussed! One of the ushers (my brother) has recently bought a lovely suit that clashes with our wedding colours. So my solution would be to get matching boutonnieres for the groom, ushers, best man, and perhaps both our dads, but they can all wear whatever suits they already have, and then differentiate the best man by giving him a matching tie and pocket square to the groom. Would that look OK?

We have bought dresses for the bridesmaids although they were a bargain! Buying suits for the best man and potentially the ushers would cost us a lot of money and we just don't think it's that important that they match as long as they have some detail that signifies they are in the wedding party. What do people think?

OP posts:

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 14/10/2016 08:27

Shatner OP isn't asking the best man to buy his own suit; rather, to wear one he already has!

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 14/10/2016 08:28

I think you're running the risk of it all looking very mismatched, but it's your wedding at the end of the day.

We didn't want full suits so instead the ushers are wearing shirts, ties and braces, and DP and the best man are wearing shirt, tie and waistcoat. A bit more relaxed and informal and a lot cheaper! (We've paid for all of the outfits though)

RoseGoldHippie · 14/10/2016 08:28

We went halves when DP was a best man although I would have paid it in full the bride insisted. I took us all out for lunch after so it probably evened out though :)
I don't think you are BU though I have bought my own bridesmaid dress for a wedding but the bride didn't have too much money so it didn't bother me x

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 14/10/2016 08:29

I thought it was clear enough, OP, and YANBU.
I did buy BIL (DHs best man( a suit, but that was only because he didn't have one, and I got it in a charity shop for £8!

Rosa · 14/10/2016 08:30

Hire the lot ...

luckylucky24 · 14/10/2016 08:30

DH is being an usher next week and has had to buy his own suit.

They got all suits from river Island as you can return them even if worn apparently.

RoseGoldHippie · 14/10/2016 08:31

Sorry just read your second post - it is traditional for all to wear the same thing but I don't think nowadays it is 'the done thing' I think it looks nice when everyone looks a bit different with one thing binding them together (like the tie etc) have a lovely wedding day!

NicknameUsed · 14/10/2016 08:31

"I'm sorry but, I've never heard of a best man buying his own suit "

I'm sorry, but I've never heard of the bride and groom buying the best man's suit. He's a grown up he can sort his own clothes out.

OH and I got married 35 years ago. Our best man just wore the best suit he already owned. I don't understand this modern obsession with matchy matchy wedding outfits.

"People look best and feel their best in their own best clothes. I think your ideas sound perfect."

I agree YellowCrocus and I agree with you littlepippit. Far too much money is wasted on irrelevant fripperies that no-one notices or cares about except for the bridezilla

MackerelOfFact · 14/10/2016 08:34

Sounds fine to me. Just make it clear to him that you want him to wear his current suit and don't expect him to go out and get one especially, as he might feel like that's what you're expecting ("your own suit" could be a bit ambiguous).

I think 'matchy matchy' weddings seem a bit dated now, mix and match does seem to be more the current trend anyway.

blueskyinmarch · 14/10/2016 08:34

I didn’t think ushers needed to look part of the bridal group. He will be fine in his own suit.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 14/10/2016 08:37

I think it's fine. Our best man had a suit made for his own wedding and was devastated not to get to wear it at ours because the men were in tails

JC23 · 14/10/2016 08:37

I don't see any issue. We just bought matching ties for the male members of the wedding party and they wore their own suits. There's no way we could afford to buy anyone a suit!

ShatnersWig · 14/10/2016 08:37

Freaks I can read, actually. But my point to Wings and others is that I don't understand the attitude of buying bridesmaids dresses but not buying or at least hiring outfits for the best man. That just seems fair. A PP said "all men own a suit" whereas actually a lot of men don't own a suit unless they work in an office based job. And a lot of men's office suits wouldn't necessarily look good at a wedding, especially a summer one.

cdtaylornats · 14/10/2016 08:39

Both times I've been best man I've bought my own suit.

Kahlua4me · 14/10/2016 08:40

when we got married best man and ushers and our dads all wore their own suits, luckily all same colour, and we just bought them matching ties and shirts.

Worked fine for us and they were happier to be wearing own suits rather than formal hired ones.

Ginslinger · 14/10/2016 08:40

of course it's fine to get him to wear his own suit - I think more people should follow what you're doing

Liiinoo · 14/10/2016 08:46

Another one who has never heard of buying a suit for the best man. I can see that if he is younger/more hard up and doesn't already own a suit then an older/richer couple might step up to help out, but as a general thing?

It is different to buying bridesmaids dresses IMO as a suit will be worn again and again. Even if the best man doesn't wear one for work there will be future weddings/funerals/job interviews when a suit will be required.

I think even buying matching pocket squares and ties is a bit much, a bit matchy-matchy and unnecessary. It will be clear he is the best man because he will be standing with the groom/handing over rings etc.

BuddyC4t · 14/10/2016 08:46

At our wedding everyone wore their own suits and we provided coloured tie to bring it all together.

PhilomenaCatLover · 14/10/2016 08:47

You sound very sensible OP! Hope your wedding day is fabulous and chilled out!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/10/2016 08:55

Your wedding, your call.
Sounds fine to me.
For what it's worth, I have never known of any best man, having a suit bought, for the actual day, hiring, yes.

Tumtitum · 14/10/2016 08:56

We did this at our wedding, we knew all the men had grey suits and we didn't care if they matched so they wore their own suits and we bought them ties and pocket things in our theme colour. Nobody minded as they still didn't have to buy anything!

BonusNewt · 14/10/2016 09:00

I also have never heard of a best man NOT providing his own suit. It didn't cross my mind DHs best man would wear anything other than what he already had, I certainly didn't ask him what he was going to wear! I suppose DH may have done.

CheesyWeez · 14/10/2016 09:08

When you say "clashing" OP, what do you mean? I can't imagine a man's good suit clashing really, I'm guessing it's navy, black, brown or grey? I think it will probably look okay.

Unless it's orange or something

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 14/10/2016 09:08

Bridesmaids dresses, especially if bought in a sale, can be had for around £20 each. I don't think you can buy a suit for that.

Why not hire the best man a suit in a toning colour to the others, if the others are OK.

TaterTots · 14/10/2016 09:26

People are over-complicating this. If you want your best man, bridesmaids or ushers to wear a certain outfit, you pay to buy or hire it. If you're not fussed about matching suits I think it's fine to say 'wear your own', and the OP's suggestion of watching ties and pocket squares works.

To the poster who described buying the best man a suit as giving him 'an extravagant gift', it really isn't. You're telling him he has to wear it - surely making him pay for the privilege is an insult?

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