Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are minted....

994 replies

FeralBeryl · 14/10/2016 01:42

*What is your/ partner's career or job?
*
Not a TAAT more a TIBAT (inspired by a thread)

Someone has a monthly take home pay of £11k
Not going to lie, I fully intend to suddenly obtain the necessary qualifications overnight for whatever it is. Wink sure there'll be an online course....

I know there will have been a great deal of sacrifice, no work home balance etc. I'm not wanting to judge at all-I'm enthralled

Please.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 19/10/2016 07:33

I'm not sure I fully understand the concept of "opportunity hoarding" but we have tried to keep our children pretty grounded. OTH they do have opportunities because of us and we can't alter that. Sometimes because of what we have been able to provide, ie, their education, the friends they have made and are making, sometimes through our friends. Connections that won't necessarily lead to jobs but which help provide introductions.

Interestingly I had those sorts of connections from my background and I was merely the high earner for a short period. DH didn't but is the sustained high earner. I'm not sure therefore about the correlation. DH does acknowledge that my confidence in working a room gave him the confidence to deal with his insecurity over it.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 07:33

No, but since declaring I'm not a high earner I've been ignored on this thread. Just goes to show that money rules all. God forbid I contributed... A peasant like me!!!

OhTheRoses · 19/10/2016 07:41

I can't see how you were ignored Mozfan having scrolled back.

It's been a brilliant thread. I missed yesterday because I was working and got home late so feel disconnected a bit now. Also that the thread has devolved to the generation after me and DH and our experiences have different nuances.

smallfox2002 · 19/10/2016 07:46

Don't worry Mozfan, it's all a bit nauseating really, no acknowledgment if the largest factor in any situation that allows you to earn highly. Luck.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 07:47

I was acknowledged until I said the words 'I'm not a high earner', actually. Not sure what thread you're reading.

Anyway, my ma always told me discussing finances in public is rude. The fucking working class eh?

ChocolateWombat · 19/10/2016 07:53

Mozfan, I think you are being paranoid. I've been on this thread a lot. I have said I'm not a high earner, but have been interested in the conversation, engaged with it, by asking questions and raising thoughts and have felt lots of people have responded to me. I'm interested in a theoretical way and I find hearing about people's different experiences fascinating. I haven't found most people to be smug at all. There have been some high earners who have commented that they don't feel wealthy, which have annoyed some people....perhaps that thought isn't always as carefully put as it could be, and those who are perhaps very sensitive to not being wealthy get outraged......but the point is also made that the reason they do t always feel wealthy is because of the high cost of living in certain areas, plus a feeling of being wealthy or not is often relative to who you spend time with....they acknowledge that in absolute terms, of course they are very well off.

I think this thread is a great opportunity for high earners to speak frankly and topics which are hard to discuss openly in real life. And it's also a great eye opener for people like me who find the whole area interesting - what has led to success, the role of background, the role of personality type, the role of men and women in high earning families etc etc. It absolutely doesn't make me bitter, because the choices necessary for their lifestyles are not the ones I would make...but I'm interested in those that do.

MargeryFenworthy · 19/10/2016 07:55

Indeed. And as a black woman I have probably had to work even harder to get where I am.

AfflictingTheComfortable · 19/10/2016 08:01

I also think it has been a useful thread. Women talking about money, women with a fair bit of money. There was a time in MN when the high earners were represented by Xenia by the odd person with pretty right wing views and absolutely no acknowledgement of the issues associated with being a high earner. I love that we are talking about this openly. I don't think it is smug, to be fair. And I don't think anyone would accuse men discussing money as smug.

ANewStartOverseas · 19/10/2016 08:03

small I'm sorry but it is certainly NOT all down to luck.

I am not a high earner. Partly due to ill health, partly due to the fact I have valued my work-life balance too much to be able to do that (having seen the effect of a poor life balance onmy father, I swore I would never do that myself btw).
But I have seen what my parents and other family members did to be in that place. It wasn't luck. They took RISKS, moved overseas, did some sacrifices that most people would not be happy to do. And some of them ended up with nothing.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 08:04

Well clearly the days when discussing money is vulgar have gone. Facts and figures is all a bit too much for me tbh. And no I'm not bitter, just because I'm not a high earner doesn't mean my husband isn't.

smallfox2002 · 19/10/2016 08:12

Luck is the biggest factor I'm sorry. Yup can claim it isn't but it really is.

Luck to have been born able, luck to have been in the right place at the right time, luck to not have had any illnesses or familial problems that stopped you from working at the right time. Even small privileges gained through childhood. Luck.

Yup need to make the most of your luck, but it is the most important factor.

I out earn you all, and I took risks and worked hard, but luck was a major factor.

Statelychangers · 19/10/2016 08:15

I think discussing money in real life is still regarded as vulgar that's why it's being discussed on here. Dh's colleagues like to brag about handmade suits and shoes, property abroad, luxurious holidays, struggling to spend their money as they can't invest in the stock market due to conflicts - they discuss this stuff openly around more junior members of staff....it's cringeworthy.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 08:20

Stately I hate discussion of money of value of stuff in any situation- it makes me cringe too. My SIL and her husband do it. They talk about their savings, how much their house cost, shit like that. None of them knew I inherited and purchased our house outright, because I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Talking about money makes my skin crawl. And it's boring! People going on about what they may or may not have is irritating. And in my experience it's usually the people who go on about it who don't have much. But there we are.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 08:20

*or value, sorry

QueenJuggler · 19/10/2016 08:20

smallfox - I have repeatedly talked about the element of luck in this. Very few people can stand there and say they have done it 100% on their own with absolutely nothing (education, connections, manners) down to the luck of the draw. I'm not sure why you think people in general feel that luck doesn't play a part. Of course it does.

Conversely, one of the most talented people I ever worked with, who was a very high earner, has lost it all, purely as a result of bad luck. In her case, the bad luck to have MS, which has left her requiring round-the-clock care, her DH out of a job (because he has had to take on some of that care burden).

Anyone who thinks luck doesn't play a part is deluded, IMVHO. But anyone who thinks it is 100% down to luck is equally deluded. You can deal people the same cards and they won't end the game in the same way.

QueenJuggler · 19/10/2016 08:24

Mozfan, interesting what you say about discussing finances in public being rude. My DM always says the same thing. And I certainly shy away from discussing finances/acquisitions/expenditure with friends (good thing MN is anonymous).

But part of me wonders if that isn't all part of keeping people (poor/women/minorities) in their place. If you don't know what professions/industries/roles pay well because it's never discussed/wealth is never demonstrated, how do you know what to aim for? There are many reputable professions (e.g. doctor) which don't allow for the accumulation of wealth anymore, but for some of the communities I mentor, those of the kind of jobs they aspire to, because they were traditionally seen as being high-earning ones. When I tell them what they might be able to earn in tech and industry (traditionally male roles), their jaws drop.

Ilovehedgehogs · 19/10/2016 08:26

Smallfox what do you do to out earn everyone? Not a teacher?

This is the first time that I have ever contributed to a thread like this in 13 years on here, its not turned nasty which is a nice surprise and I agree that it's interesting to talk anonymously as you could never do this in RL.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 08:28

I don't think it's got anything to do with keeping women in their place, no. My grandmother who started from nothing to working for an international law firm during the 80s NEVER discussed money. And she taught us all to do the same. It's just... Cringy. (She was a 'high earner', and made it back when, she described it 'law was a sea of grey suits'). And yes, a lot of luck was involved in her success.

Bruce02 · 19/10/2016 08:28

I think discussing finances is fine, especially anonymously. I think calling it vulgar is just a way to shut down the conversation.

Luck is part of it. I am lucky dh has always been supportive. Not said he is supportive but refuses to do half the housework, like I see a lot on here.

Luck plays a part of it, but not all. Mine and dhs business isn't successful because we are lucky, it's successful because we have great products and worked hard to get it out there. The skills we have used have come from previous work we have done, the products concept comes from a ridiculous amount of research. The way we run our business is different to the rest of the industry, which in the short term made it harder for us. In the long term it's paid off. That wasn't luck. That came from me calling retailers and finding out what puts them off buying products like ours.

Both mine and dhs first jobs were low paid and hard work. They were unskilled jibs that anyone could have got. We used what we learned and worked our way up. Then took our skills into a new business.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 08:30

No one is shutting it down Bruce, just after having it drummed into me from childhood, it is vulgar to me.

We were taught

'You never ask someone how old they are or how much they earn' Grin

Bruce02 · 19/10/2016 08:30

Talking about money makes my skin crawl. And it's boring!

And yet you keep returning to the thread.

QueenJuggler · 19/10/2016 08:32

I'm always a little taken aback when I spend time in the US by how openly finances are discussed. "What do you make?" is a perfectly acceptable conversation opener there!

ANewStartOverseas · 19/10/2016 08:32

Queen can I ask you what sort of industry/job get you those very high salaries?

I've always been told it was law and accountancy/finance but I would be interested to see what other areas also have high earning potential.

Mozfan1 · 19/10/2016 08:32

Have you just come on here for a row? You will notice if you read my comment properly I was talking about people incessantly using facts and figures in real life. Eg: my sister in law the other day- ' our NEW house is worth £xxx, so 3 times as much as our rental!', shitty stuff like that. Until today I hadn't actually mentioned money, I spoke about economy and washing machines. But hey ho, you obviously haven't RTFT.

GetAHaircutCarl · 19/10/2016 08:33

fox Many of us here have accepted that there is luck involved in success. But to pretend that it is all down to that; like a win on the lottery, is idiocy.

Would any of really tell our DC that they have no agency in their own lives? That they might as well toss a coin? When they go into an exam do we tell them that it's all luck? No we don't. Because we accept that whilst luck plays a part, other factors are highly important.

As for whether discussing money is vulgar, well of course certain sections of society have forever made that case. It's a great way to keep those without it from asking tricky questions. Get the working classes and women to come over all faint at the mention of salary levels and the posh white boys have it all stitched up.

Well fuck that.

Knowledge is power. Sharing knowledge and experience is one of the mos powerful things a person can do.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.