If you are minted....

[FeralBeryl]

*What is your/ partner's career or job?
*
Not a TAAT more a TIBAT (inspired by a thread)

Someone has a monthly take home pay of £11k
Not going to lie, I fully intend to suddenly obtain the necessary qualifications overnight for whatever it is. sure there'll be an online course....

I know there will have been a great deal of sacrifice, no work home balance etc. I'm not wanting to judge at all-I'm enthralled

Please.

I don't think that the bilingual thing is really about what the 'wealthy' do.
A lot of parents of bilingual children will do the same, for various reasons.

I want my dcs to use the opportunity they have to be bilingual, not jus for the advantage it will give them later in life but more for them to get some understanding of half of their heritage.
Its also about being able to cope with the documentation they will need to deal with as adults.
And it has become the opportunity to go and study in France, where education is still much cheaper than in the UK (and then maybe do a master here so people know what they capable of)

YY about the fact that raising bilingual children IS expensive and hard work. Very few people seem to appreciate that.

Other opportunities are different and imo have more to do with a certain way to look at things than with money.
We dont have £11k a month but we still provide a lot of experiences to the dcs, trips to London (can be quite cheap if you book way in advance) to museums (which are free or cheap) etc etc
Do that in the UK and then in France (where the cost for us is the trip there but no rental and so on) and you get a pretty good rounded experince imo.

Then you can be on the look out for different experineces in your area etc... and again you can have quite a lot of them.

Opportunity hoarding can't be about accessing educational opportunities that can be accessed by anyone who has enough money to pay for them. Surely it's more about internships that are not publicised (so largely only available to the children of those in the company already), or clubs that are not open membership where a lot of business/networking is done.

For a different perspective on this I was a DC of a high income couple.

They owned and ran their own business. We weren't always well off- at one point they lost their house and almost went bankrupt.

The positives were:

-Private school, it had its benefits but I'd have rather gone to a good
comp

-heated seats in the Range Rover!

-holiday ing in Orlando

-I went on all the school trips I wanted

-I got whatever food I wanted at the supermarket

-weekly cinema trips

-driving lessons paid for

-rent and £50 pwk for uni so didn't need to work

The negatives:

-They worked 365 days a year, even Christmas so I had to choose to stay home alone or go to work with them

-no holidays for years when they couldn't take time off

-had to live near their business so was far away from friends

-the tv was my babysitter

-they were never free from their phones/pagers

Thank you for clarifying about opportunity hoarding. Am I right in thinking that it can be a form of nepotism?

Interestingly, early on the thread, where most of the posts were people reporting on how they had become minted, there were lots of people stressing that they hadn't had this kind of benefit. Every now and then, someone would come on the thread to say that wealth was all to do with connections, but it was pointed out again and again that the route to extreme wealth is far more nuanced than that. Yes, some of the wealthy may have benefitted from their parents opportunity hoarding for them (and they may well do it for their own children too) but it was also very clear that it was a combination of factors, especially characters who were driven, determined, willing to make sacrifices into the long term, calculated risk takers, resilient to set backs and highly able in an area of demand which has high monetary worth, that made them minted. I don't think that being the recipient of opportunity hoarding especially helps you to develop these characteristics. However, I appreciate that if you do have the characteristics being the recipient will certainly give you an advantage or leg up, and that even if you don't possess those characteristics, receiving the leg up will probably help you get a foot in the door which will then take you to a certain decent level (unless you have absolutely no drive or determination - which clearly some privileged youngsters don't - and we hear reports every year about X who had a privileged background and ended up on the streets - extreme case I know) even if not to the minted level of ones background.

Beebight, can I ask if you went onto be a high earner yourself? Did you feel they tried to pass their approach to life onto you or not? Were you a similar personality type or quite different?

It is interesting to hear from you, because although lots of people on this thread speak about their wealth, many seem to be saying that this wasn't their background. One or two make a point of it, but most don't and whilst most didn't come from poor or deprived backgrounds, many seem to be suggesting they were largely self-made.

I am the child of parents who are very well off (from 45yo onwards).
Ive had all that Bee is describing.

No I'm not minted, partly because this is not what I have been looking for but also because I ended up with a chronic illness that is not allowing me the work full time.
My parents are both coming from families where it has been seen as 'normal' to be wealthy. Not super rich but quite well off. Both my parents started from nothing though and created what they have now.

What it has given me (and I hope that my dcs will have learnt that too) is an attitude towards life. The feeling you can take risks and its OK.
I am now self employed, which I never planned to do. I'm struggling health wise but still have the drive to want to 'create' more. I'm looking at opportunities, looking at what I could with the business, even if this will be much more limited (no way I can put the hours I would need to make something really wow iyswim)
But more importantly, it has given me the assurance that I can do whatever I am setting myself to do.

One thing I want to add is that, even though my parents had quite a bit of money so I didnt have to pay or worry at Uni etc... (and I still know that if shit hits the fan, they woud still be able to help), they have also been very careful to teach me not to expect all the best all the time. And to be appreciative of what I have.
I think it might be harder for some children who have been given everything and then, as they become adults, realise they just cant get all that.

Chocolate I come from an immigrant background, which changes the dynamic slightly. My parents were well-off by anyone's standards, but by no means the wealthiest people we knew - I went to school with the seriously monied, and with old money as well as new (which is in itself an interesting dynamic).

So they could afford to buy education, to expose us to the things which built cultural and social capital (and were good at those things themselves because they came from money, albeit immigrant money), but there were doors which were closed to them simply by virtue of being immigrants, and thus by definition new money to some.

What they did instill in me was the realisation of what could be achieved though hard work + innate ability + opportunity + drive. It's a combination of those things that pushes me forwards (and note that drive and hard work isn't always the same thing in my book).

Interesting to note that my sister, who had the same exposure, has chosen to opt out from that path entirely.

I think it is important to build a work ethic into our DC and make sure they are driven enough to stand on their own two feet. They will be wealthy at some point. That's just a fact- they will one day receive a fifth generation legacy (as I will not be the generation to blow it! ) but I need to downplay it to a certain extent while at the same time getting them used to the idea. It's a very odd balance. I'll spend money on school fees and holidays and that's about it (you can add in cars for DH) which has led DS at least to think he's less well off than his peers. That suits me just fine.

As I said upthread, my upbringing was probably what you'd consider disadvantaged in terms of money, housing, education etc.

My DC are experiencing something very different. And it has been one of my concerns that they would become complacent about their situation.

So far that's not the case (they're 17). That said, they are making some choices about their lives after school which they couldn't even consider were we not wealthy. So whilst not complacent about work/success/ambition etc, perhaps they are complacent about their financial stability. Or are they just confident in it? I dunno. I find this one hard.

Get I suspect they are confident in it rather than complacent. Which is great because it gives you a feeling of safety that you wouldnt get otherwise.

With hindsight I think my parents were well off. I had a private education, a five bedroom house and everything we needed but absolutely not everything we wanted. I felt poor at school as I didn't get a car for my 17th birthday, I had to wait until I was 18 and it was only when I went to university that I realised not everyone had a cleaner or dishwasher. My life was very sheltered but steeped in the assumption that we would go to university and get a grad job, it wasn't open to negotiation.

I never had a job at uni during term time my parents paid my rent and gave me £65 a week spending money in the early 90's.

My dad was self made, came from absolute poverty and instilled in us a drive to always succeed. As adults, we've had no parental help at all, not a penny but I guess that there's always the knowledge that if we needed it my parents would always see that the children had a home and didn't have to leave their schools. I would never rely on that but the knowledge that it's there goes some way to feeling it's ok to take a risk.

vghif my parents never had a dishwasher or a cleaner, expect when we lived in embassy property.

Even now, I think of a dishwasher as a luxury item. DM has one but to my knowledge has never used it!

I can afford a dishwasher but don't want one, the smell they make is heave worthy, and I'm a washing up perfectionist

Mozfan - buy the best dishwasher possible (Miele or Siemens IME), run it every day (all dishes go in) and clean it regularly, and you will never have an unpleasant smell.

I'm anal about household appliances. Actually, I'm anal about most things. Possibly a feature of high-achievers.

Haha queen I don't consider myself a high achiever. I have a scientific degree so did alright at academic stuff but I am not successful work wise. I am SAHM now. But yes I'm with you on the appliances thing- I love keeping things pristine/ like new. I think the idea of a dishwasher frightens the hell out of me (food bits etc)

Beebight, can I ask if you went onto be a high earner yourself? Did you feel they tried to pass their approach to life onto you or not? Were you a similar personality type or quite different?

No, I had no interest in their business or a city type job much to my fathers dismay. He thinks my education was wasted. My parents cut me off and haven't helped in adulthood, even in desperate times. I am very different. I'm not as materialistic. I donate to charity- they never gave anything back to their community and never thought to do so.

My father tells people he is self made because he grew up in a council house and left school at 14. When in fact he had the priviledge of living at home til he was 30, and inherited from his mother's family the lump sum which they used to start the business. They also had free family childcare.

These threads always have the false attribution theory- my achievements are my own doing etc.

One of my concerns about the dcs is that they grow up with a good work ethic like dh and I. Those comments really resonated with me.

Going back to some of the earlier points in the day (the thread has moved quickly!), I was being facetious about the help we have, (you're damned whatever you say on mumsnet!) so being more serious....Dh and I each earn significantly more than £11k per month, which is a function of senior roles in the City. As it is impossible to be in 2 places at once we have the housekeeper, cleaner and PA so that we can quite frankly, spend quality time with the dcs. Also as we don't have family help, it's our hk who picks up the kids from school and minds and feeds them. If not, either dh or I wouldn't be able to do our jobs. Our cleaner is not essential per say, but she's here 3 days a week. No way, I am spending my precious weekends replicating that!

Over the last couple of years, we are out of the baby/toddler fog and have rediscovered time with each other and are beginning to remind our friends of our existence. Work can be stressful but the great thing about kids is they don't care what you do at work they just want all your attention when you're home!

In terms of the style image I project, yes it's incredibly important, both from a personal perspective (I was brought up that way) but also from a career perspective. I have expensive things because I can afford them but equally one of the most stylish women I know, works for me and has a high street budget. I would say that it has become quite normal to see the most junior people to be clutching a designer hand bag but I still always find it surprising.

blingy it makes the world go round- you are in a senior role, you make a lot of money, you work long hours so hire other people to do bits and bobs for you so you make work for other people, the cycle continues. It's all good

Bee I think its variable though.
My parents had no help. My dad didnt get on with his parents and he was basically told to f** off when he was 20yo. My mum was the oldest of four and again was expected to stand up on her own two feet from the word go.

Then they moved away from family, then overseas (I suspect to move away from toxic family relationships) so there has never been any help there for them, either financially or practically.

But they weren't in Blingy category re type f work or income. What they did do is save and save and save which has allowed them to build up that level of income later on in life (and they didnt have the cost associated with it!).

This is a really interesting thread. As a household we pull in more than the figure stated in the OP (bulk comes from DH - both in professional services), but I really wouldn't consider us minted.

We do live in London and have just cleared our mortgage (just under 7y - I am 31, DH 36) and we have a very comfortable lifestyle, but nothing extraordinary. Obvs all relative.

We have no help, not even a cleaner (strange guilt about it on my part), but naturally use childcare and my parents help out a lot. I do spend my whole life knackered though!

An old friend of mine has very wealthy parents and married a man with very wealthy parents. They are not wealthy and their parents are not generous.

She seems to be incredibly envious of my financial situation (I was very much the poor one at Uni) to the extent of making quite bitchy bitter comments. When we get together as part of a group (we don't get together alone anymore) I feel I have to censor every word that comes out of my mouth. Anything, a mention of a holiday, or a festival, or an activity one of my kids is doing can spark a snidey remark about money.

But strangely it is only to me. She is fine to the wealthy friends who have always been wealthy. I am so conscious of not displaying the tiniest hint of smuggery and I feel very sorry for her.

Ironically one of my other friends, to whom I confided my discomfort, is very hard faced about it and says her poverty is because she made poor choices and never worked very hard at her career. But she is never bitched at.

Oh my the smugness on here makes me want to heave.

My parents ran their own successful business and made shrewd investments as well, so we were very comfortable as I was growing up. Well, most of the time. Sometimes they would have a bad year and we could barely afford toothpaste but my Dad was still driving a flashy Mercedes,so to the outside world, the trappings were still there. It made me long for the stability of a big blue chip with a pension scheme and security and my whole life I have spent in high flying corporate work.

It makes me smile, esp when I read people on MN suggesting that having a working mum provides a food role model to little girls or similar when from my own experience I know that children often want to do the exact opposite of their parents, so the high flying financially independent mum might well have a DD who wants nothing else but to live in a cottage with her children and keep hens. Who knows how the influences will pan out?

smallfox smugness? I'm not sure I understand where you see smugness. I see a bunch of high-earning women who are anything but smug, who recognise the part that luck and background has played in where they are, and who are, in many cases, active in ensuring that "opportunity hoarding" isn't perpetuated.

I find the fact that women are much more critical of opportunity hoarding than men interesting. I suspect its because opportunity hoarding has, in the past, largely benefitted men, and has been used to keep women "in their place".

well said QueenJuggler

I occasionally participate in threads like this, not because I have some desperate need to show off, but actually to make the point that there are high earning women out there too. Those who get it will always engage in a sensible discussion, or say "my dd really needs to read this". I am keen to make the point that I was blessed with the fortune of brains and a supportive family, and with those assets, worked hard and used good judgment to find something I am good at to get to where I am.
(Although to be fair as someone pointed out I could be a complete fantasist!).

What is really sad is when women want to put other women's achievements down to just luck (believe me, the City is ruthless place to be in, no one is just lucky!) or get offended when they say they worked hard (which is said to illustrate that they weren't born with a silver spoon in their mouth) or they focus on the material things (mortgage paid off etc) and assume the woman is being smug when she is stating facts.

It also irritates me when women dismiss the contribution of the woman when the man is the sole or high earner, as if they haven't done anything. Yes you get to enjoy the fruits of the labours but in a lot of cases you're pretty much raising the kids and running the household alone. nobody is smug about that.