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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you are minted....

994 replies

FeralBeryl · 14/10/2016 01:42

*What is your/ partner's career or job?
*
Not a TAAT more a TIBAT (inspired by a thread)

Someone has a monthly take home pay of £11k
Not going to lie, I fully intend to suddenly obtain the necessary qualifications overnight for whatever it is. Wink sure there'll be an online course....

I know there will have been a great deal of sacrifice, no work home balance etc. I'm not wanting to judge at all-I'm enthralled

Please.

OP posts:
milltoll · 14/10/2016 22:08

DH earns over £250k according to his P60, but he doesn't take home as much as £11k a month - lots of it gets salary sacrificed at the moment, and some of it is paid in bonuses which he puts directly into his pension, and company shares as well.

He works in a technical role in a global tech company. He's very well qualified - did his undergrad and postgrad at a US Ivy League uni. He works hard but his work environment is relatively relaxed and flexible - if he ever needs to take a day off he can, and he can leave work early enough for us to catch a film or play after work. He works a 50 hour week, but never works at weekends. When we go on holiday it's a total break from work and he doesn't think about it until he returns. We live in a smallish flat in central London so his commute is less than 30 mins (which means we don't have crazy commuting costs).

GreatFuckability · 14/10/2016 22:22

If you choose to pay school fees for your child, you can't then claim you are not well off because of that because you don't HAVE to do that.

SoMuchRoomForActivities · 14/10/2016 22:22

Feral There are 26 crew on the boat we are on at the moment.

QueenLizIII · 14/10/2016 22:36

If you choose to pay school fees for your child, you can't then claim you are not well off because of that because you don't HAVE to do that.

Quite.

If you can pay the school fees in the first place then by definition you are well off.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 22:51

This thread makes me feel a bit sick. To the pp early in this thread who claimed it has nothing to do with having connections and being in the right place at the right time... Really? My dh and I have degrees coming out of our ears, we are pretty intelligent (well, I was before I had dc) but we are nowhere near some of the salaries thought of as 'not that much' on this thread despite working our arse off. One of us is adopted, one of us is foreign born. Seriously, some of you with ridiculous take home pay just have no idea what is normal. 11k a month??? You cannot tell me this is down to hard work alone. It is ALL about who you know, not what you know. You can work as hard as you like, without the right connection and the right background and maybe just that start up grant from daddy, you are getting nowhere near the salary that some of you take for granted. Angry

HormonalHeap · 14/10/2016 22:56

My dh started in property with nothing- a desk and a phone. Now a successful commercial developer (with a long-standing partner). This year he will realistically earn £3m+. He plays tennis, goes to gym and takes kids to school around planning/finance meetings, takes days off whenever he likes. He never works in the summer, though will take important calls on holiday.

It took years to learn the skills needed but he taught himself. He makes it look easy, but you need to have great networking/people skills, patience and tenacity.

He gets a thrill from what he does and I love that he's around so much. I do part time voluntary work. Although he has an office in London, conference calls are made from the home office, car, bath or bed!

Pallisers · 14/10/2016 22:58

Comiconce, one of us is adopted and both of us are "foreign-born" where we live now. Neither of us got our jobs through connections - unless you count being head-hunted based on your reputation.

I understand that who you know helps a lot in many situations but it is possible to do very well without any obvious connections.

I also have every idea what is normal. I lived on low wages for years with no scope in the budget for any emergency. We are now extremely lucky - I do realise this.

It isn't about hard work so much either. My dh worked way harder back in the day when he was paid peanuts. So did I. My cleaner works harder than either of us imo. But in the right profession/job, if you are very good at what you do and you work hard, yes you can succeed without connections or background or start-up grants. Neither of us received a penny from our parents - in fact the flow of money went the other way once we got our first jobs.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:00

So, hormonalheap how did your dh support himself while he started with nothing? Did he beg on the street? How did he manage to get through that phase of having nothing? Did he not eat, live somewhere?

QueenLizIII · 14/10/2016 23:02

I think this thread is grotesque.

We are not minted with homes here and abroad, a portfolio of rental properties & a few cars and kids at private schools.

Fucking hell. If that isnt minted, what is?

Some people just dont get it.

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 14/10/2016 23:02

I disagree corniconce my DH grew up with absolutely nothing. Not even an inside loo. Seriously. I'm not even joking. He worked his bollocks off at school (free lunches) and then worked his bollocks and arse off at Cambridge. Any connections or network buddies he's got have been made entirely on his own.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:02

pallisers Glad it worked out for you. Wish it did for us. Guess confidence, or lack of, comes into it then.

HormonalHeap · 14/10/2016 23:03

Cornionce he was living at home still when he started so no rent or expenses. Had no need to beg on street.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:04

Vanilla we worked our bollocks off and have nothing to show for it. That's just my point. Working hard is not enough. People who are 'minted' don't realise how lucky they are.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:06

'hormonal' Well, he had a home, didn't he. That's a good start at least! Better than some who put themselves through university and dropped out halfway through a MA because they had no one to fund them or help with fees. See what I mean? Being bright and hard working has bugger all to do with being successful.

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 14/10/2016 23:07

Likewise - and add a council house into the equation.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:09

Vanilla, that means nothing. It's a home and a base from where to conquer the world. If you are on your own from the age of 17 without parents you realise how difficult it is to get a foot into anything.

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 14/10/2016 23:09

Long live socialism, heh.

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 14/10/2016 23:11

The choice of job/career also affects earning potential. An university professor does not earn the same as an equity partner at a top law company. That's the way it is.

Longislandicetee · 14/10/2016 23:13

Comiconce if that's what you believe then so be it and I guess no one will change your mind. However you mentioned confidence and I wanted to pick up on that. I said earlier that my success is due to a combo of hard work (the first 3 years of my career where I worked around the clock and a lot of my peers didn't), skill (I am thankfully very good at what I do, very few people have the same skillset so it attracts a premium) and luck. On the last one, I certainly didn't have connections (ha! ha! ha!) but what I did have was a dad who because convinced me that if I worked hard enough at anything that I would succeed. It meant that by nature, I am fearless in the workplace and don't give up. The advice was, in hindsight, somewhat naive in its simplicity but that self belief of "I can do anything I turn my hand to" has stood me in very good stead in my career.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:13

Vanilla, Well, that didn't work, did it.
I'm not bitter (noooh, not a bit). Having three degrees to my name, I did sort of assume that I may have a chance of decent employment at a reasonable level. And I did, for a time (mind you, my idea of decent is 35k plus a year, not the insane figures some are earning). Funnily, having children has put paid to that because temporary contracts based on external funding are very useful for getting rid of those wishing to breed. And there you go, effectively unemployable due to owning a womb.

HormonalHeap · 14/10/2016 23:14

Funny you should say that, Cornicome. He may have had a room in his mum's house, but before he went into property he did a law degree. His dad died half way through it, so with no money, although he still lived at home, instead of dropping out, he gambled in casinos to support himself rather than lean on his mum. Although this may sound foolish, he points out to me now that he gambles every day on property now, so is there a big difference?

andintothefire · 14/10/2016 23:15

I didn't have any connections to my chosen career, and no family money. However I did have very supportive parents who understood that it wasn't "odd" for a girl to be academically focused and ambitious, and who encouraged me to believe that I could have a successful career. To that extent, there is of course a lot more than hard work behind my career achievements.

I do think that the difficulty of high paying jobs can sometimes be underestimated. There are some people who are overpaid compared to their skills / hard work. However I am genuinely in awe of the intelligence and commitment of most senior people in my chosen field as a civil barrister. That (along with their specialist knowledge) is why clients are prepared to pay them so much money. I don't count myself among those top people (I'm far too junior comparatively!) but today I spent 8 hours writing a 12,000 word note on issues of law that I found very unclear and difficult. If I get even one of the ten or more points of law wrong I am liable to be sued. That level of stress and responsibility is absent from most careers. I've never been so exhausted as when I was working two minimum wage jobs in my university holidays, but the level of constant pressure I face really is in a different league now!

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:16

Blingy I am very pleased for you.

HormonalHeap · 14/10/2016 23:16

Bling my dh shares that trait with you- he believes anything is possible and will never give up.

Comiconce · 14/10/2016 23:18

hormonal Glad it all worked out well Smile

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