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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with the peer group fashion police?

63 replies

malificent7 · 12/10/2016 11:23

Dd is 8 ffs. There us a very clear uniform policy including letters home about svhool uniform rukes.
And yet, every fucking morning we are faced with the angst and faffing about what to wear to school.
She wont wear half of what i gave bought as it is not deemed 'cool' by her peers.
Heaven forbid i try to get her to wear a coat or warm tights. No. The fashion police favour skirts rolled up. Pencil skirts etc. At 8. The head dosnt like it. I feel pressured as i dont want her to be made fun of.
I forced her to wear tights ths morning. IT'S FREEZING.

Aibu to be fucked off with the daily dressing up drama and what can i do to stop it?

I dont give a shit if Polly tiddles thinks that a flimsy bomber jacket is the only thing to wear. Thick winter coats are my thing.

AIBU

OP posts:
BowieFan · 12/10/2016 12:27

YANBU but I think it's always happened. I definitely remember at this age that there were "cool" and "uncool" things to wear on your uniform.

The head should be doing more about it though and he should be firm on the uniform rules. I'm just glad I have boys where none of this really happens.

Bountybarsyuk · 12/10/2016 12:29

I have two girls and have lots of friends with similarly aged girls and I think this is a step further than I've heard about. We do have a lot of what Sancia mentions which is additional bows/fancy cardies, but it isn't normal to honestly feel like you are going to be persecuted if you wear tights...so on that basis, I'm going to say you are being a tiny bit suckered here, into the 'everyone else is doing it/wearing it/has it' and 'everyone will laugh at me' stuff, which is mostly not true. I very much doubt your dd is going to be laughed at, commented on or bullied for wearing tights, and this is just guff she is giving you to get her own way (by appealing to the nature of the pack and not wanting to be different). If she is, then you should be up at the school in relation to this.

I don't make my dd wear tights though, she has a sweatshirt and a coat, and she hates them so if she'd rather look like a Yeti on the top half and as if she's going to the beach on the bottom half, I just let her.

But beware the 'everyone' in these cries, it rarely is everyone at all.

brambly · 12/10/2016 12:30

Pikachu That's easy enough to say as an adult, but no child is going to actively take that on board. Mummy or Daddy telling you that these things don't matter in the grand scheme of things will be of no comfort whatsoever when the self-appointed social elite at school are making you feel like a complete loser. At that age, the "grand scheme of things" is an inconceivably large and irrelevant entity.

It's a horrible position to be in OP. I think in this instance (and this is usually the last thing I'd advise over relatively small matters!) it might well be sensible to have a word with the head and/or form teacher about enforcing uniform rules. If everybody has to wear the "uncool" skirts - problem solved.

ChickenSalad · 12/10/2016 12:30

It was the same for me at school at the same age in 1984 and we didn't have a compulsory uniform. I had another uniform of a twirly skirt, Snoopy top and Adidas pumps. For the boys it was Farahs, trainers and a Lacoste top.

Bountybarsyuk · 12/10/2016 12:30

My advice is directed towards 8 year olds though, I think by Year 6/secondary, I wouldn't make them wear something incredibly uncool and laughable at, but I don't think tights fall into this category as I've seen children of all ages wearing them already this year.

Julju · 12/10/2016 12:34

Speaking as someone who was desperate to fit in at school there is nothing you can say that will make her see sense.

Can you explain how ridiculous it is not to wear tights, for instance, and let her go tights-less until she gets fed up with cold legs and decides she'd rather wear them? That was the only way I got over the "fashion" element of school uniform. I think the more you push the more she'll resist.

Mintychoc1 · 12/10/2016 12:38

Have you spoken to the school? DS2 is the same age, and he was upset a few weeks ago because he has Velcro-fastening football boots from Clarkes. These are not cool enough, so he was teased. Apparently he should have cool branded lace-ups that don't fit properly and are sold to me at inflated prices by disinterested teenagers in Sports Direct.

He told me the names of the kids who'd teased him, I told the teacher, she spoke to those kids, and it's been fine ever since.

I had similar when DS1 was in reception and was teased about his Thomas the Tank Engine swimming bag. I complained then too, and the head did an assembly about teasing and fashion and stuff like that, and it was fine after that.

It's bloody annoying but worth approaching the school with specific names of the fashion police kids I think.

2ndSopranos · 12/10/2016 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2ndSopranos · 12/10/2016 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintychoc1 · 12/10/2016 12:42

Just to add - DS1 is now 11 and at secondary school, and at this age I go along with the fashion police if he wants to, because I think it's unfair not to. But at age 8 I would try and fight it!

mycatstares · 12/10/2016 12:43

Show her autumn fashion 2016 on pintrest, its all woolly hats, tights and coats. Then she'll clearly see the other girls aren't as up to date with fashion as her mum isWink

Agerbilatemycardigan · 12/10/2016 12:43

It's such a shame that they feel that kind of pressure at such a young age.

Would it be worth making the school aware of this so that they could reinforce the uniform code?

MackerelOfFact · 12/10/2016 12:44

Who does she look up to? Or who do the girls in her peer group look up to? There must be a pop star, actress, sportswoman, comedian or something that she likes and respects and could influence her. Google for pictures of that person wearing warm tights and a coat and ask her why she thinks her little friends in primary school know better than this person about what is 'cool'? Maybe she likes Swift [[http://a3.files.collegefashion.net/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTI4ODM2NDA5NjYxMzYzNDc0.jpg]]?

Obviously, ideally she will have her own ideas and not need to follow other people at all, but I think that's a big ask of a little girl of 8 with others trying to tell her what to do.

mycatstares · 12/10/2016 12:45

Imo the more fuss the school makes about uniform the more the kids will push their luck with it.. of course let the school know if any teasing is going on though.

diddl · 12/10/2016 12:46

Would she be breaking the uniform code with a pencil skirt & bomber jacket?

Where does all of this come from?

At 8 I wore what I was told & probably what had been bought for me, although I didn't really wear a uniform in primary.

There's no uniform here & any one who shivered rather than wear a coat would be laughed at!

MackerelOfFact · 12/10/2016 12:47

Sorry, properly messed that up.

TimetohittheroadJack · 12/10/2016 12:47

Personally I'll let her go without tights if she wants - after a few days of freezing her arse off I bet she, and the rest of the 'cool gang' will decide tights are cool after all.

ElsieMc · 12/10/2016 12:48

My dd used to wear ridiculous socks in an effort to fit in with the fashion police at school - three pairs on top of each other all sort of rolled down so she looked like she sported elephant legs. You then rolled up your skirt. It was the fashion at the time and when I remind her she cant believe it. Uniform is about being a leveller - you all wear the same. Most decent schools crack down on this sort of behaviour.

My eldest gs, at secondary school, refuses to wear a coat even in winter. He would prefer to be wet or cold rather than break the no coat rule of his contemporaries. The school coat is rubbish so even the Head has stated a non-uniform coat of a dark colour can be worn by way of compromise and in an effort to make sure the kids are warm and dry. She has even stood on the rugby pitch watching them come into school. But no, it has not got much better. Some things never change.

chocolatestrawberries · 12/10/2016 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chopchopchop · 12/10/2016 12:49

I think that school needs to be tackling this, not just by enforcing the uniform code but also by doing some PHSE work around being yourself and respecting other people. Your DD is upset, but there will be other children who can't afford the 'right' clothes who will find the pressure even more intolerable.

myownprivateidaho · 12/10/2016 12:52

What's so bad about a pencil skirt?

Mistigri · 12/10/2016 12:52

I thought uniform was supposed to stop this? Very effective, obviously ;)

When it comes to kids and clothes, I think compromise is usually the best way forward. Pick your battles - pencil skirts are surely a no at 8 (how can you run in a pencil skirt?!) but if she wants cold legs, then that's up to her.

eyebrowsonfleek · 12/10/2016 12:55

Would she give in if she suffered at school for a few days?

Show her pics of Zoella or whoever she likes. I bet you could find her dressed in cosy clothes.

Would she wear thinner tights like a secondary school student or trousers? Personally I'd tell her that she can carry her cosy coat to school if she wants but her bomber jackets will remain in the loft/stored away until spring.

brambly · 12/10/2016 12:55

myownprivateidaho Nothing intrinsically, but they have very markedly adult associations.

nocampinghere · 12/10/2016 13:02

Go and have a word with the head. Make it clear what is going on. Get them to enforce their uniform rules.
winter = tights
winter = warm coat
roll down your skirt
etc...

they also need to do some PSHE. worrying this has started at age 8, yr3/4?

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