To be fucked off with the peer group fashion police?

[malificent7]

Dd is 8 ffs. There us a very clear uniform policy including letters home about svhool uniform rukes.
And yet, every fucking morning we are faced with the angst and faffing about what to wear to school.
She wont wear half of what i gave bought as it is not deemed 'cool' by her peers.
Heaven forbid i try to get her to wear a coat or warm tights. No. The fashion police favour skirts rolled up. Pencil skirts etc. At 8. The head dosnt like it. I feel pressured as i dont want her to be made fun of.
I forced her to wear tights ths morning. IT'S FREEZING.


Aibu to be fucked off with the daily dressing up drama and what can i do to stop it?

I dont give a shit if Polly tiddles thinks that a flimsy bomber jacket is the only thing to wear. Thick winter coats are my thing.

AIBU

[malificent7]

My role models veer between left wing politicians who wear cordoroy suits and Lady Gaga!

[malificent7]

Unfortunately my daughter looks up to people like Ariana Grande... who dosnt wear much.
Prob my fault for not reinforcing positive female role models such as Venus Williams who disnt wear much either

[Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse]

You say there's a very strict uniform policy, and that the head doesn't like it not being adhered to - so why doesn't he/she do something about it? If they have a rule but don't enforce it they're effectively teaching kids that it's ok to break the rules, cos there will be no consequences. And no YANBU but I think you're directing your ire at the wrong people.

[LockedOutOfMN]

Agree with nocampinghere's suggestions. Whilst it's up to the parents to dress their children, the school would, I'm sure, be worried about the underlying body image and self image issues going on with these students.

[Nermerner]

Her bum?? Doesn't she wear pants

[OracleofDelphi]

Wow - 8??!! Thats bad.. although in fairness it is the heads responsibility to ensure this doesnt happen. In my DD and DS school the head is fairly relaxed about school shoes etc, but if people start messing about with uniform (like pencil skirts!) he would put an immediate stop to it. In the summer loads of girls in Year 4 had handbags rather than proper school bags. Went on for a few weeks and then they were told they werent allowed them. Any who brought them had them taken off them. Ive brought mine thick school fleeces so they can wear thm instead of coat... but over my dead body would an 8 year old be wearing a pencil skirt. School needs to be tougher

[herecomesthsun]

warm coats seem to be "in"

getting "down" with the real fashion police

I just wish my 8 year old DS would wear his nice warm jacket...

[Thingmcthingyface]

This could be weirdest advice ever... but could you engage with the 'fashion' aspect a bit? Maybe take her to V&A to look at dress through the ages, buy some old vogues on ebay etc and try and show her that fashion/ aesthetics are A) interesting if you like that sort of thing, B) about choices and individuality C) that the same stuff comes round over and over and actually she can pick her own things and be even cooler than Polly Tiddles??

Sounds like she is the sort of child who cares about fashions and fitting in, so why not arm her to be excellent at it?

Its not a quick fix but at least it doesn't put you on opposite sides of a battle. Aware that engaging with this stuff can be stressful with regards to body image etc but again you could talk her through photo-shopping / image editing etc at the same time.... obvs at a level appropriate for 8yo


There is also a fab Netflix doc about stylish 80 year olds in new york which is very eye opening on the subject.

BTW feel i must add my DC is way too young, I have no proper experience to give advice from, I'm more coming from the angle of this being something my mum did...

[RepentAtLeisure]

You could write to the school and ask for some reinforcement of their rules. Tell them what you've told us. They should be wearing weather appropriate clothing. It's alarming that they are so 'body-con' at eight, and the school should do its bit to put a stop to it.

[malificent7]

I make dd wear tights so her bum dosnt show when she bends over!!

[CEOD]

I have son who is the same. His class is totally obsessed with brand names. Things are not cool unless they are expensive. My oldest son couldn't give a shit about any of this but son no. 2 is completely swayed by peer pressure and I don't know what to do about it either. That was a good idea above about not paying for football club.

[Hellochicken]

Only advice is not to pander to it. The more I discussed this, the more options she thought she had, the more she felt responsible for girls in class reaction/to get it "right".

Spoke to teacher to mention uniform causing stress and hope rules applied to all/consistent etc.

No options, wears what you put out for her.

[nocampinghere]

Bountybarsyuk might have a point though "it isn't normal to honestly feel like you are going to be persecuted if you wear tights...so on that basis, I'm going to say you are being a tiny bit suckered here, into the 'everyone else is doing it/wearing it/has it' and 'everyone will laugh at me' stuff, which is mostly not true. I very much doubt your dd is going to be laughed at, commented on or bullied for wearing tights, and this is just guff she is giving you to get her own way"

[nocampinghere]

Go and have a word with the head. Make it clear what is going on. Get them to enforce their uniform rules.
winter = tights
winter = warm coat
roll down your skirt
etc...

they also need to do some PSHE. worrying this has started at age 8, yr3/4?

[brambly]

myownprivateidaho Nothing intrinsically, but they have very markedly adult associations.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

Would she give in if she suffered at school for a few days?

Show her pics of Zoella or whoever she likes. I bet you could find her dressed in cosy clothes.

Would she wear thinner tights like a secondary school student or trousers? Personally I'd tell her that she can carry her cosy coat to school if she wants but her bomber jackets will remain in the loft/stored away until spring.

[myownprivateidaho]

What's so bad about a pencil skirt?

[Mistigri]

I thought uniform was supposed to stop this? Very effective, obviously ;)

When it comes to kids and clothes, I think compromise is usually the best way forward. Pick your battles - pencil skirts are surely a no at 8 (how can you run in a pencil skirt?!) but if she wants cold legs, then that's up to her.

[chopchopchop]

I think that school needs to be tackling this, not just by enforcing the uniform code but also by doing some PHSE work around being yourself and respecting other people. Your DD is upset, but there will be other children who can't afford the 'right' clothes who will find the pressure even more intolerable.

[ElsieMc]

My dd used to wear ridiculous socks in an effort to fit in with the fashion police at school - three pairs on top of each other all sort of rolled down so she looked like she sported elephant legs. You then rolled up your skirt. It was the fashion at the time and when I remind her she cant believe it. Uniform is about being a leveller - you all wear the same. Most decent schools crack down on this sort of behaviour.

My eldest gs, at secondary school, refuses to wear a coat even in winter. He would prefer to be wet or cold rather than break the no coat rule of his contemporaries. The school coat is rubbish so even the Head has stated a non-uniform coat of a dark colour can be worn by way of compromise and in an effort to make sure the kids are warm and dry. She has even stood on the rugby pitch watching them come into school. But no, it has not got much better. Some things never change.

[TimetohittheroadJack]

Personally I'll let her go without tights if she wants - after a few days of freezing her arse off I bet she, and the rest of the 'cool gang' will decide tights are cool after all.

[MackerelOfFact]

Sorry, properly messed that up.

[diddl]

Would she be breaking the uniform code with a pencil skirt & bomber jacket?

Where does all of this come from?

At 8 I wore what I was told & probably what had been bought for me, although I didn't really wear a uniform in primary.

There's no uniform here & any one who shivered rather than wear a coat would be laughed at!

[mycatstares]

Imo the more fuss the school makes about uniform the more the kids will push their luck with it.. of course let the school know if any teasing is going on though.