To hand my notice in

[teaandflowers]

Not so much an AIBU but more of a what what you do - but more traffic and honesty here I feel.

Current situation.

Work 20 miles from home. 4 days a week.
Stressful job. I have just been made permanent - perks include enhanced mat pay after a period of time which is what has kept me motivated for DC2 eventually.

I want to hand my notice in. I can't do it any more. I am literally at the end of my tether. I am exhausted. Home life is suffering because of it (OH and me argue as we're both stressed) and I don't get quality time with DS1. DS1 is a terrible sleeper and so I am at my breaking point.

AIBU to leave a reasonably well paid secure job given that I have nothing else to go to? I have a 3 month notice period so that would give me time to find something else closer to home and less hours. I have asked to reduce hours / work from home and they refused.

Should I hand my notice in to have a better home life?

Put another flexible working request in? Ask about working from home a day a week and do longer hours on that day and less on others? Is your DH pulling his weight at hone?

What are you doing re your little one sleeping? Everything seems so much harder when you are sleep deprived.

The job market is incredibly tough at the moment. Have you seen the rejected by Aldi thread? I went for a job on Monday, got an interview, met the team, thought I'd done really well but the job went to someone else. Do not underestimate the stress of looking for something else.

OP, the real core of your problem is your DS's sleep pattern. That's probably where your main focus should be.

Also, if you are working, is your DP taking his share of the wake ups? He should be, the childcare isn't just your responsibility. Also, I hope he is sharing the household chores, that could also be adding to your tiredness.

I've always had jobs with long commutes, lowest commute is my current one at 26 miles. When the DCs were small, DP left for work later and did drop offs, and I left work earlier and picked them up around 5:30.

Your hours and commute sound reasonable to me, but if you can get the sleep sorted, then you may find the job/commute become more acceptable for you.

Part-time admin jobs are not necessarily easy to come by - I've been looking for one for a while.

I agree with a PP, the job itself would probably be more manageable if you were getting some proper sleep at night! Quite how you'll do that with a baby who won't settle I'm not sure. Does DH do his fair share of night time waking with DS?

Ultimately though, you should do what works best for you and your family. Life is too short to be miserable when you don't need to be.

Have you talked the options through with DH? What does he think should happen?

I just wanted to add that perhaps you should forget about the enhanced maternity package and TTC sooner if you think you can handle 2 poor sleepers It sounds like a red herring because if you changed jobs you couldn't rely on your new position offering more than statutory, so if it were me I'd be mentally writing it off, and making a decision on the other factors.

Good luck!

OP, I was in the same position as you until very recently. 4yo ds has never slept well and with 2 of us in ft management positions life was stressful, busy and frankly miserable. I took the first job with decent hours that came up then handed my notice in (6 weeks notice so not as difficult as yours) I then spent the next 6 weeks applying for other jobs until I found something ideal. I managed to, and started last week. My thinking was that any job would do until I found something great.

It's not an easy decision to make, we're around £1k a month worse off but I really felt that something was going to crack soon, and after a summer of recurrent chest infections I was worried about my health.

I can't tell you wether it's manageable for you to resign without a job as I don't know how easy it is to find work where you are, but I certainly wouldn't stay somewhere that was making me unhappy for the sake of enhanced maternity pay down the line, or possible flexi hours. Make a plan, and go for it. Good luck