Alcohol - a bottle a week.

[Matchstickbox]

AIBU.
Is a bottle of whisky a week a lot?
70cl.
This is what my DH goes thro a week minimum.
I bf and bed share with DD. So don't drink at all anymore. Even before DD, I barely drank.
He sleeps in spare room as drinking and smoking and sleeping with DD aren't allowed.
I think it's a lot but he doesn't.
I also find it annoying that that's about £13 per week from food budget on alcohol....

It is an excessive amount per week but he's a grown up, we all know the adverse health problems it causes so if he wants to carry on let him. My dad was similar as I grew up, not seen as a drunk but it caused him diabetes and 2 heart attacks which just seemed to come out of nowhere, not felt unwell leading up to this sudden ill health, all this just before aged 50, oh and his livers enlarged. Given this, I wouldn't stand by and watch a loved one do this to themselves knowing what I know now.

He's spending family money on wants and the needs aren't getting met. Right? That's the issue, not fags or booze.

What we do is work out the budget, pay for needs and savings, and any money over is split evenly.

It might be unit wise (give or take 3-4 units) but I know I would personally prefer my OH drinking 1-2 cans of lager a night rather than 3-4 glasses of whiskey. But that's purely a personal opinion

Drinking every night would be a huge red flag for me and not the partner I would want.

Spending £13 a week of his own wages wouldn't bother me per se.

He didn't use to drink every night but a failed Miragration attempt maybe the reason for relaxing alcohol and missing previous life before add. Been a lot to take on.

Smoking - dunno what's a 25g bag of golden virgina cost? Bag and a bit a week I'd guess ... big guess.

So he would rather drink and smoke than share a bed with his family?!
He smokes more than a bag a week? Isn't that a lot? (Non smoker here!)
He's allowed to need to relax. We all have stresses in life. It's never a good thing to make alcohol the thing you turn to. Not every single night. That's a habit. Then an addiction.

"It might be unit wise (give or take 3-4 units) but I know I would personally prefer my OH drinking 1-2 cans of lager a night rather than 3-4 glasses of whiskey. But that's purely a personal opinion"

Yes, its the weird opinion that seems popular on here. The alcohol content is the same. It's the same amount of alcohol. The same,

As an aside, and not advisable perhaps, but at the rate he's drinking he would probably never even be over the drink driving limit.

Does he put filters in his roll ups?

Unfiltered tobacco is a massive health no-no.

I'd be more annoyed at the smoking.
3/4 whiskeys a night isn't great but how many people have a few beers or glasses of wine a night?
I wouldn't see it as a problem if once he'd run out he wasn't bothered about getting more, or driving over the limit.
If it's budget wise can he cut down and make it last longer?
Have a day or two off in the week?

Dh and i love whiskey.
Some dh likes are cheap, dh doesn't drink it to get drunk but because he likes the taste.

If my husband drank that a week now I don't think I'd be hugely concerned, however had he chosen to do that rather than share a bed with me and baby I'd have been rather hurt.

I think he needs to sort out his priorities, I'd probably be encouraging some alcohol free days so he can at least share a bed... though I think the smoking may be harder to tackle.

Yes, its the weird opinion that seems popular on here. The alcohol content is the same. It's the same amount of alcohol.

Yes but mumsnet can be weirdly puritanical when it comes to spirits, but drinking wine by the bucket load is seemingly okay.

Leave the bloke alone. The odd drink is probably one of the few pleasures he gets. At £13 it is less than the cost of two pints in most pubs.

Sorry three pints!

The smoking would be a whole other very angry thread.I'll never get him to stop. I've try and it's just not gonna happen.

I'll see about a few alcohol free days and go from there. Talking about the health side etc.
Cheers for reading.

Does he get exercise and eat healthy? Is her overweight? Generally it's when you pile on a bunch of bad habits that health problems start. Smoking is far worse than drinking as well.

I'd focus on smoking.

I don't drink beer/wine ever. I drink vodka.
I could and sometimes do drink a bottle a week. I could do it every week but I don't as at £40 a bottle, that's a lot to spend every week on alcohol for one!
But it doesn't feel like an excessive amount to me. Maybe 2/3 drinks one evening midweek and then 4/5 on a Friday and Saturday night would pretty much do it. Yes my measures are bigger than pub measures (aren't all home measures bigger?!) so I'm probably drinking about the government guidelines.
But as I say, it's not something I do every week, generally I buy a new bottle every other week. So 2 bottles a month.

It's more than I would drink but, a lot of my wine o'clock friends, drink 3 bottles a week & think nothing of it. Different strokes for different folks

The two of you don't sound very compatible, OP - he drinks and smokes and you hate it. Has he always been a drinker and smoker?

I wouldn't want to co-parent with a smoker who drank alcohol every day, but I don't think there's any way you can change him. He has to want to change and that seems unlikely.

Does he do much of the parenting? It sounds like you feel anxious about him being around the baby when he's been smoking or drinking?

You say you're a one-income family - does that mean he does paid work and you're a SAHM atm? Depending on his salary you might be entitled to Child Tax Credits (if you're not already getting them). Not that I think you should claim benefits just so that he can piss them away on alcohol and tobacco!

Fwiw the smoking would bother me more, but the salient point is that you cant afford it. With the tobacco and papers too, he's smoking and drinking the better part of your child benefit money each week. Even if he were spending the cash on a health giving tonic, he doesn't get to do that if you can't afford shoes.

OP - you are getting lots of comments from many posters who are playing it cool saying it's not a big deal - most of whom I assume are not in anyway trained in the field of medicine and the impacts of alcohol on the body. I think they are being very foolish - your husbands drinking substantially exceeds guidelines.

Please do your own research - getting information from reputable sources - and make up your own mind. Here is a Cancer Research article on the relationship between alcohol and cancer. www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/alcohol-and-cancer/how-alcohol-causes-cancer

I feel for you. If he has to sleep next door because he knows you can't bed share with him in there after drinking like that, and he's still not willing to give up that much booze, I think he's selfish.

It's not a huge amount in my friends circle but the not sharing the bed and spending family budget money isn't nice.

Most people drink far less with young babies and he sounds more like a lodger than a dh.