To not want my family round for son's birthday

[user1473872482]

Saturday is DS 16th birthday. We told our parents on both sides that this year we would not be entertaining them round our house. PILs ok with this but my family are not.

My family have never been one to help us out when we needed any sort of help. Also they have made no effort at all towards their Grand Children as well.

My dad is taking my son out for lunch on Saturday with my nephew (same age) but my mum won't be attending as she has hair/nail appointment. My dad said he would give my son his card and present then.

My mum phoned me up today and said she wanted to see him and I said of course you can but we are not entertaining anyone at home. My mum said that as it is his special birthday she wants to come round to give him the card and present as my dad is not giving it to him. I said to her as our house needed decorating as I explained to her before, that we were not having no one round. We are taking my son to see his other Grand Parents on Saturday night, me and my husband are taking him out for dinner on Sunday.

So now my dad is taking him out for lunch for his birthday with my nephew but not giving him card or present and my mum is coming round here on Saturday early afternoon to give him the card/present, as she insisted.

AIBU to not want them round at all. I have said I am only doing tea and cake at that time.

What about what your son wants?

It's his birthday. He should get to choose

This seems like a big palaver over nothing. Can't she just pop in to wish her grandson a happy birthday?

You don't need to 'entertain', just give her a brew.

Not sure why she couldn't go to the lunch and move her hair appointment to another day. Seems daft they're doing too separate things and hijacking the bulk of the day. They should have respected your wishes. That said, he may want to see his grandparents and it's his day so maybe bite the old lip just this once. You don't want to spoil his day with tension.

W/o further explanation the situation seems a bit strange.

Are you trying to punish your parents for not being as involved as you'd like?

It isn't your day - it is his. What does he want? Sounds like you are trying to make it all about you to me.

Seems rude to demand presents but refuse people the right to give you the present.

Maybe she should drop it off at the gate so as not to disturb your majesty?

Has she said she wants a fuss?
Just make her a cup of coffee & thank her for calling.

What's your problem? She wants to see her grandson on his birthday and you're making it difficult.

Yabu. You don't want her to come over because your house needs decorating?! It's your Mum ffs!

Yes Yabu, and it's all a bit odd.

I can see why you resent them but I think that you should let them pop in. Especially if your son would like it.

Just let her come and give her grandson a card and present for goodness sake. She doesn't need entertaining she just wants to see him for his birthday. You're either making a huge deal out of nothing or there's a load of drip feeding to come..

I don’t see the problem either. She just wants to pop in on Saturday afternoon to wish her grandson happy birthday and give him a gift. It doesn’t sound like she is expecting to be entertained. I am sure your DS will be happy to see his grandmother and it is his birthday after all.

Let her come round Saturday as she wants to. You're going out that evening anyway so she won't be able to stay long.

Though I think I get where you're coming from. My family, when visiting on birthdays, would expect an immaculate house, plenty of food and drink and would always massively outstay their welcome.

Forgot to add that I did originally say to my parents that we could bring our son round to their house so that they both could see him. My mum said to me "is that a order" I said to her I am not ordering you about. Then my dad sent me a text saying to me change of plans WE are taking xxxx out with xxxx for lunch and will give him his card and present then.

You don't sound very reasonable in the face of it.

You complain that they make no effort.... but your dad wants to take your DS out for lunch, and your mum wants to come round herself later so she can give him his present on his birthday in person.

I'm sure there's a backstory somewhere, but they sound perfectly OK here.

Wow. What a non-problem.

Just let her come round!

Seriously. It's your sons birthday!!

I don't see the issue in letting her come over and give his card. You don't have to entertain.

In the past my parents wanted us to do food for them with tea and cake which we did. Most of the time it was party snack type foods followed by tea and cake. My parents would come round and hardly have anything and then say to me that they did not like the food.

Then I decided to just cut out the food and do just tea and cake. They complained that was not enough and my mum told me that they would not be coming round any more for birthdays at our house. Last year we ordered them take away kebabs with chips and lots of dips. My mum said she did not like the kebab and my dad ate very little of it. Then my mum said she does not like tea and did not touch birthday cake at all.

YANBU!