To not want my family round for son's birthday

[user1473872482]

Saturday is DS 16th birthday. We told our parents on both sides that this year we would not be entertaining them round our house. PILs ok with this but my family are not.

My family have never been one to help us out when we needed any sort of help. Also they have made no effort at all towards their Grand Children as well.

My dad is taking my son out for lunch on Saturday with my nephew (same age) but my mum won't be attending as she has hair/nail appointment. My dad said he would give my son his card and present then.

My mum phoned me up today and said she wanted to see him and I said of course you can but we are not entertaining anyone at home. My mum said that as it is his special birthday she wants to come round to give him the card and present as my dad is not giving it to him. I said to her as our house needed decorating as I explained to her before, that we were not having no one round. We are taking my son to see his other Grand Parents on Saturday night, me and my husband are taking him out for dinner on Sunday.

So now my dad is taking him out for lunch for his birthday with my nephew but not giving him card or present and my mum is coming round here on Saturday early afternoon to give him the card/present, as she insisted.

AIBU to not want them round at all. I have said I am only doing tea and cake at that time.

Does he have any friends??

I would let her come round and say by the way, there's no food as it's always gone to waste previous years and just have the cake you were planning (if I read that correctly that you're doing cake.) I wouldn't be bothered if she had any or not, it's for your son not her.

I would do exactly what OdeTo Autumn said!

Well it sounds its not about having them round really, its all about your relationship generally with them. Have them round and make tea/coffee. If they moan you should just say about them never being happy with any food you provide.

So the whole of ds's 16th birthday is being spent doing what one set of grandparents want, he's not got time to do anything he'd like as you are all expected to fit round their plans? That they are not involved does matter, because they are acting like they are the most important people in ds's life when they don't actually do much with him otherwise and expect a party putting on for them...

Ask ds what he would like to do, if it's "give me some money and I'll go out with my friends" or "can x&y come over" do that and tell your parents they can fit round when suits.

Spending the whole day fitting in non-involved grandparents who expect a family "do" isn't really a sensible way to use they day.