Annoyed with DH and SIL

[LillyHelen]

My DH's nephew was abroad for a while. He met someone there and decided to get married back home. She would travel with her parents to meet him and his family, where a small engagement ceremony would take place. My SIL arranged a small gathering. She did not invite anyone from her family apart from my husband. The other side were a bigger crowd but DH's nephew was with his parents, brother and uncle (my DH). Well I wasn't invited, neither were SIL's DH's siblings. We were not really told about the gathering properly. SIL and her family travelled to the capital during midweek and my DH was told to travel for the weekend because the girlfriend's uncle wanted to meet him (bizarre!). Anyway one day before the engagement, which took place at the girlfriend's relatives house my husband was asked to prepare for a short speech. I was so upset when he told me that and asked to give him ideas for the speech. I am so annoyed with my SIL for arranging this gathering with my DH and not inviting me. She says she did not know what the GF's family would be like and was not sure that the gathering would happen 100%. Therefore she did not invite anyone other than my DH. She did not even apologise for not inviting me. My DH agrees that she did nothing wrong. He says this was not planned in advance which I find difficult to believe as SIL had bought engagement rings before travelling. I would have wanted to be there and witness my husband making a speech. Our 13 year old daughter was actually in tears when she found out. This was a family event and I think we should have been there as a family. If they didn't want us there then my DH should not have been there either. AIBU?

OP, could your SIL have been acting on behalf of her son who may have found the whole having to have a ceremony quite awkward and wanted to minimise the spectacle as much as poss - eg "Please don't have all the relatives over mum. Ok if we have to have someone, just get Uncle X".

If you were the only one not invited then you would not be being U, but as it was, more people were not invited than were invited. Maybe the uncle has a specific role in this ceremony?

Tell him to ask your SIL why you were not invited. Surely that's the obvious thing.

Also, people become very bizarre around weddings, especially mothers! Don't take it personally. My MIL is Iranian, DH and I had all sorts of "gatherings" when we got engaged with all sorts of random people most of whom probably had no clue what was the actual point of the ceremony, but they all just pretended to, so I just went with it.

I think you are overreacting, sorry. Try talking it through more with DH? Even if you still disapprove of how things were done/panned out you'll do nobody any favours by harbouring resentment.

Madinche1sea my SIL was not acting on behalf of her son when she arranged who to invite. Why do you try so hard to find excuses for her. She decided that she only wanted my DH to be at the gathering. She was the one who was secretive about the meeting. She did not want me there. When I said I would have wanted to be there and share the moment. She said she did not invite anyone as such, it was not certain that my DH would attend but things changed the last minute. I would have wanted honesty. I would have preferred her to say that she doesn't want me cause she wants a small gathering. No need for saying my husband should travel to London and before he travelled telling him that his meeting is cancelled but nevertheless he should bring his suit because he might be asked to go to the GF's house. Not being clear about why he is required there but making sure he is equipped for the day. None of us knew what was going on until the last minute. My DH says he didn't know until the night before the event. I don't care anymore.

You keep saying how we are finding excuses, I think it's because it's hard to understand why your SIL would have any malicious motive for only inviting DH?

Why do you think she did this?