To worry about taking 12 months maternity leave??

[user1476114613]

Hi All,

First post, no idea how to personalize my user name.

I am 3 months pregnant and looking to tell my employer shortly about this. I work for a US company but am based in the UK. I report into a USA-based manager and have no team mates in the UK office, if that makes sense. I am Head of Marketing for Europe and of course work to GMT hours.

I am maybe unreasonably panicking about my maternity leave. HR are based in the US and I know that they will think it's nuts that we are entitled to up to 12 months. In an ideal world, I would take the full year. I am pregnant with my first baby after a long slog with fertility treatment so we are over the moon. I've waited so long for this and want to make the most of it. My role is reasonably specialist due to the area of business we operate in and I am quite popular with managers (sounds like a dickish thing so say but hopefully relevant).

My company has recently carried out thousands of redundancies across the world (we employ 50,000+ globally but it was still huge). We're told we're over the worst but I do worry about being replaced/ditched if I take more than 6 months. I obviously want to find someone who will cover my work well but I am also (very unreasonably!) worried that they'll not take me seriously if I take more than 6 months. The average amongst US colleagues seems to be between 6-12 weeks for maternity leave which seems nuts to me but they don't bat a n eyelid.

I understand that I am legally entitled to return to my original job after 6 months (i'll also tag on about 30 days accrued leave onto this). Would it be sensible to take just the 6 months? Or AIBU to not take 12 months based on an outcome which might not happen? Due to the nature of our fertility problems (early menopause) this will likely be my only baby.

My job is incredibly convenient - I work from home but can pop into the office whenever I choose and my salary is very good. Work is hard but the balance is fantastic if im honest.

WWYD?

I agree with others that flexible working long term is much more important than long maternity leave. Can you share with your DH and take 6 months each? That would be an amazing start to family life.

BruceBogtrotter I know you were trying to be kind, but it was comments like yours assuming all women wanted 12 months which made me feel like a terrible mother for being utterly depressed and desperate to get back to work from 6 months on. I hung on till 9 months because I was scared of being judged, and was fighting suicidal thoughts every single day. Going back to work was like the lights coming back on. Not all mothers are the same.

I work for a US-based company, fairly senior role, and I took ten months mat leave for both my kids. Had no effect on my career whatsoever, I think they just went "oh, that's what you strange Europeans do, fair enough".

I am definitely not cut out for SAHM-hood but I'm very glad I had the extra time at home past 6 months - the first 6 months for me (first time in particular) was pretty much hard slog, once I got past that I actually enjoyed the few months off with baby. Much less "trapped on couch under cranky baby", much more "pleasant outings with baby predictably napping while I ate cake". Also meant they were well established on solids when they started in childcare. That was just what worked for me, obviously.

BruceBogtrotter - At the risk of sounding petulant I would say you were nasty first. Women returning to work at three months is not 'madness' but the decision made by many very nice, very sane women. To call them mad, is a bit, well, mad and quite frankly asking for a snappy post to be coming your way.

OP, I would take 12 months or share some of that time with your partner. Your baby needs you during his or her first year. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

"US companies must think the UK standard is crazy. It's 12 weeks if you're lucky in the US."

Comments like this make me chuckle, it's almost like paving the way to change the public's opinion on maternity leave. I am fairly certain that Theresa May's government are going to reduce maternity leave significantly. I wonder what spin they'll put on it. No chance we will keep the 12 months we hitherto had.

I think that you're only guaranteed to return to work with exactly the same job and t's & c's if you have 6 months off. That is if they still differentiate between ordinary maternity leave and additional maternity leave.

The benefit of taking 6 months or so is that you might bypass separation anxiety when you return to work.

I apologise fellow mumsnetters. I certainly did not mean to upset anyone with my comments - I didn't even realise I had written 'madness' so apologies again. I really was only trying to be helpful and empathetic to the OP, but I understand that things can be very badly misconstrued; particularly when written down. I would never want to make anyone feel bad about the parenting choices they have made.

If it's any consolation I also looked forward to going back to work at the end of my maternity leave and couldn't wait to be me again and have something interesting to talk about. I was just trying to get across that personally I would not have been able to function at work before the 12 month mark, and for the OP to not feel pressured back to work before she is ready.

I've had 3DC here in the US while working. I have done a 4.5 month leave, 8 week leave and just returned to work following a 6 month leave.

This all boils down to how much you like you role, how much you are liked/ perceived as necessary and how quickly your industry moves. I took six months this last time because all the stars aligned and my employer were totally great, offering me up to a year of leave (yes this happens in the US). I took 8 weeks when I wanted to work on a project that jump started my career and it was the right decision.

What I will tell you is that you need to be open in your communication with your manager in the US. Have a conversation about how they want you to plan for your leave. If they assume you will take 3 months off, explain that it is tough to do that in the UK because there isn't the childcare provision to support returning at that point. Tell them from six months onwards is considered early and the majority of parents take a year.

Personally, I would take the long term view and talk about your schedule once you return to work. I would highly recommend a couple of weeks of part time with the option to work from home. It is also prudent to explain the cost of childcare in the UK. We are just over the water from Manhattan (think of being in Clapham) and pay $1500 a month for daycare for the baby who is 6 months. They provide all food and formula. Hours are 7:30am-5:30pm. It is so much cheaper than the UK which is why so many more parents work here.

I live in Switzerland where stat mat leave is a mere 3.5 months at 80% pay. Fortunately, most private employers give you 4 months at full pay. Then almost everyone takes 2 months unpaid and/or accrued holidays to take them up to 6 months. If the WHO (and therefore the government) recommend breastfeeding for 6 months, then it is frankly ridiculous that mat leave isn't also 6 months. (Not to mention the fact that nurseries don't take babies under 5 months.) But that's a different discussion.

I had severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP sydrome and when 4 months were up I was soooooooo glad I had taken the extra 2 months unpaid leave. I was barely healthy again, the 2 extra months made all the difference. (In contrast, one friend had a super-easy birth and was running round the supermarket and taking her kids for a picnic in the park four days after her second.) You never know what kind of birth you are going to have, but from my experience I wouldn't recommend cutting yourself short, just in case. You want to have enough time to enjoy your mat leave, coz it is hard work at the beginning! The general consensus on here seems to be recommending six months - that certainly gets my vote too. Good luck!

I'm on mat leave at the moment and plan on taking the year plus accrued holiday, so more like 13+ months.
I am in awe of people who go back sooner and so just wonder how they manage? I'm not terribly tired now and in fact am pretty relaxed, not like the first few weeks which were tough, but still I'm not sure I could get up at 7am and get ready for work having been up 4 times through the night ... and then pick up a baby at the end of the day right when they're getting into a bad mood and aren't being particularly cute at all.
So I guess I just mean that it's not all about how much do you love your job but also at what point can you do a job well and care for a small child without losing your mind and dying from lack of sleep?

i got four months maternity for all three - that was how it was then. six months sounds great.
and if you can work flexibly so much the better.

if you manage work and work flexibly then you still see and spend many hours with your baby each day AND get to do your professional job.
dont see it as completely either or.

if you work flexi or full time, guess what, you still see your baby every day and you still spend hours with your baby and

you can afford to do nice things with your baby on weekends and plan nice away trips with your baby and husband and afford to eg employ a cleaner etc as well.

it isnt so either or as is presented.

you can work and earn money and still have many hours of changing nappies playing with the baby every day.

...but you will know what you want post baby.

have a plan but keep options open too. you dont have to go from profressional woman to full time SAHM, though you can if you want to.

and if you enjoy your work earn good money then later on that can be valuable too . look at the bigger picture. it sounds like you have a great profressional job - it is ok to keep on doing that flexibly (and use money to pay for domestic household tasks to free your time ) and have lots of time with baby

the tiredness/lack of sleep is hard when working but also work can be stimulating and if it means you can afford a higher standard of living then can be worthwhile. also you get breaks away from crying demanding children... depends on your work of course...if you are a surgeon you need to be on top form...

personally I would not have been able to function at work before the 12 month mark, and for the OP to not feel pressured back to work before she is ready

this.

Take the 12 months. There are loads of companies offering good roles WFH, you won't ever get this time back with your first born.

I have just joined a new team and have a new boss, I think he will be surprised when I announce that I am pregnant and more so when I announce that I will take the full year.

Want2Be has good advice about talking to your US HR team so that they understand both what the norm is here, and also the practicalities that drive this regarding childcare provision.

I'd read your staff handbook carefully to understand what they offer on what terms. For me, returning after about six months but using my accrued leave to work a shortened week for three months worked very well: I kept my foot in the door (I had an awesome job I didn't want to lose), I kept my sanity (I'm not a good SAHM), but I didn't go straight into full-time working and could also keep going to playgroups etc with DS.

There aren't loads of good jobs offering wfh - not as far as I know!

I took 9 months for my first child and 12 months for the second. In both ocasions full time. I love my children. I love my profession.

For my first, I regretted it because she went to childcare at 8 months and caught lots of tummy bugs, colds and coughs (which then gave to us). Returning to work was really hard physically and emotionally. I did get back in track quite fast at work and performed really well after the first 3 bumpy months. I even got a promotion on my first year. My daughter is now healthy and hardly ever gets ill.

For my second, I took 12 months. My son was considerably sturdier going to childcare as a 1 year old and got less ill (which of course means he got lots of colds and coughs...just considerably less than his sister). Maybe it was because he is in a different nursery, maybe because he was stronger, maybe because we were more experieced parents, who knows... When I came back, my work had been given to somebody else and I was bottom of the pile doing the tasks nobody wants. This was really hard for me emotionally. I regret? Yes and no. I enjoyed the time with my son. We won't have more children, so I wanted, and I did, make the most of the joys of having my baby. But it did cost me a great deal at work. I am still not back were I was before having my son.

It may be all down to luck. Your company may close down, the market may change, you may get relocated.....who knows?Whatever we do, we woman always regret....

I would say tell them you are taking 6 months and then play it by ear. I bet you love being with your baby so much that will extend to 12 months, but you may find it hard and want to come back early...everyone is different.

I'm not sure WFH is so great either, it's great to have the option but I was so bored and unmotivated working from home - I felt like I never left the domestic sphere. Though YMMV obviously.

In my company - and would assume most? - working from home still doesn't mean your children can be there because you can't be looking after them and working at same time (fair enough). So all WFH saves is commuting time anyway, so don't see how that's so great unless you live far from your work.

I took 6 months with both my DC and fwiw I have no regrets. For me the long term benefits of keeping my career on track in a job that works really well around the kids was a huge long term benefit. And anecdotally it seemed to me that settling the dc with a childminder was much easier at this age when tbh they were happy with anyone with milk than at age 1 when they had closer personal attachments. But I'm aware that might jus have been my kids :)

I love wfh. I take ds to nursery for 8:50 and am at my desk at 9.
I finish up at 5 and walk down to get him. No worrying about traffic or trains or rushing or trying to get out of the office with people trying to ask "just one thing". It makes our life much much less frantic.

I was done after 8 months, I needed my job and i'm such a better mum for spending time away from baby DS. I am lucky that I can work full time and although I was desperate to go back i'm not sure i'd feel the same if I was working full time.

Play it by ear, when I was pregnant I told work 'd be back after 3 months, when DS was 6 weeks old I told them I wanted the year off and I ended up going back after 8 months, its so difficult to know how you will feel!

If you can afford the 12 months and you want to take it, then you take it. You won't get these previous times back again.

You will also get a nice settlement if they fire you for taking the year!

I'm going to come at this from a different angle, having worked for a US firm (although, in the spirit of openness, I didn't return to work). I think the 6 months thing is a bit of a red herring, actually. At the risk of generalising hugely, US firms are massively US centric. I would consider the particular culture of your organisation and how secure you are in your role - and how much you want to stay in that job. Yes, UK law means you are entitled to six months and return to your job. But, honestly, if 12 weeks is the norm and the six months pisses them off and makes them write you off then you're probably for the redundancy list anyway a few months later. They won't say that's the reason, obviously - they'll stick to the letter of the law, but they don't have to stick to the spirit of it (if that makes sense) in the longer term. Alternatively - and hopefully - if it's an enlightened, relaxed organisation where you are very highly valued and hard to replace, then you can take advantage of that and take the 12 months if you want to.

You will also get a nice settlement if they fire you for taking the year!

This is actually a very good point and pertains to my post above. If you think that maternity leave will put you in a disadvantaged position then you want to be ON maternity leave when they make you redundant. You have far, far more rights in that scenario. Hopefully they are far, far more enlightened than this though!

I think you would also have to prepare/plan if your child would have additional needs- i.e. being born premature or have some other health needs.

My advice is to wait until you give birth and see what your circumstances are as a family.

I meant to take 6, took 14 months every child.

A job is a job. You are the only one who can be mummie to your baby

Also how are you planning to feed as No one has mentioned the logistics of going back at 6 months and breastfeeding?

For me breastfeeding for as long as possible was a massive priority, but it's not something you can outsource

But as PP said everyone different

Good luck with deciding