To worry about taking 12 months maternity leave??

[user1476114613]

Hi All,

First post, no idea how to personalize my user name.

I am 3 months pregnant and looking to tell my employer shortly about this. I work for a US company but am based in the UK. I report into a USA-based manager and have no team mates in the UK office, if that makes sense. I am Head of Marketing for Europe and of course work to GMT hours.

I am maybe unreasonably panicking about my maternity leave. HR are based in the US and I know that they will think it's nuts that we are entitled to up to 12 months. In an ideal world, I would take the full year. I am pregnant with my first baby after a long slog with fertility treatment so we are over the moon. I've waited so long for this and want to make the most of it. My role is reasonably specialist due to the area of business we operate in and I am quite popular with managers (sounds like a dickish thing so say but hopefully relevant).

My company has recently carried out thousands of redundancies across the world (we employ 50,000+ globally but it was still huge). We're told we're over the worst but I do worry about being replaced/ditched if I take more than 6 months. I obviously want to find someone who will cover my work well but I am also (very unreasonably!) worried that they'll not take me seriously if I take more than 6 months. The average amongst US colleagues seems to be between 6-12 weeks for maternity leave which seems nuts to me but they don't bat a n eyelid.

I understand that I am legally entitled to return to my original job after 6 months (i'll also tag on about 30 days accrued leave onto this). Would it be sensible to take just the 6 months? Or AIBU to not take 12 months based on an outcome which might not happen? Due to the nature of our fertility problems (early menopause) this will likely be my only baby.

My job is incredibly convenient - I work from home but can pop into the office whenever I choose and my salary is very good. Work is hard but the balance is fantastic if im honest.

WWYD?

I agree with waterrat, my DS is still a toddler and there are years of childhood to come. I'm hoping to drop half a day when he goes to school but can only do that by putting in the hours now. Play the long game if you can.

Do in completely agree!

Fair enough to consider death bed pronouncements as well as everything else but likely death bed pronouncements should not dictate your decisions. On my death bed I hope I'll feel proud of my career

How much do you love your job? How much do you need your job? How much do you really want to go back to THIS specific job, as opposed to another one that can be found for you? If you answered 'a lot' to all those questions then yes, I would go back after six months.

Agreed. I also agree with the person who said that childhood lasts a long time. I am keener, I think, on a more flexible arrangement to be around more when my soon to arrive baby is in primary school than I am to be around between 6 and 12 months, I think he will need me more then and I enjoy children a lot more than babies generally. So, I'm going back after 6 months (plus some annual leave) partly with a view to building my career a bit more.

I also think that, tactically, there's an advantage in saying 6 months, because they will have to hold your specific job available for you if you take 6 months whereas they will most likely fill your role if you take 12 and then offer you an "equivalent" which - even in my cushy public sector world - often isn't really that equivalent. If you change your mind later, you change your mind but it may still work out better than if you said 12 all along.

I can see why you are concerned and your job does sound convenient (and enjoyable?) in many ways. As others have said, baby, toddler and childhood lasts a very long time, though, not just a year. The first year is the hardest, least rewarding slog out of that time. I suspect quite a lot of people find it harder returning to work after a year than after six months, tbh, as you are returning just as your child is becoming hugely interactive, engaging and enjoyable (and particularly aware of your presence or absence), having survived sleepless nights, exhaustion and stress every time they catch a cold. It may possibly be easier to get back to work a little bit sooner. That said, different people have different feelings about the various stages of childhood and the importance of their constant presence to their children at different stages in their lives.

It was too long for me. I was very depressed and was so much happier when I went back to work after 9 months. I think you can't tell how you'll feel though until the time comes.

I went back after 6 months and loved the fact that I had some of me back as DD was a difficult baby. It was so exhausting as she was ill constantly and a terrible sleeper. But I think that work helped me keep my sanity. My friends that went back to work after 12 months found it much harder to leave their children as they had just hit all the personality milestones which made it harder to leave.

i agree with DoinitFine. I would take 6 months in your circumstances.

After my first I started doing KIT days from 3 months and went back part time at 6 months. If you are very career minded before children there is no reason to assume you will totally change post having babies.

Everyone find their own red lines in times of work life balance for children and no-one can tell you what yours will be. Part of why I wanted to get back into it was to start finding mine and get into a rhythm of life again.

I personally think I will reflect on my job on my deathbed, it is a big achievement of mine. I do not exist merely to serve my children (much as I adore them etc etc).

Also agree that flexibility is very useful during primary school years - build up the right to ask for this during the pre school years.

I couldn't afford to take 12 months (you don't get paid your full salary for all that time). I went about 6 months and that was a really good balance. I do think long mat leaves are the reason there's at least some discrimination against females of childbearing age in the UK.

I'd take six months. Your work from home role sounds valuable and I wouldn't risk it, as sad as that sounds.
Decent work from home jobs are hard to come by! Your baby won't remember you going back to work

Your job sounds like a dream. Who do you report to on these matters? Manager or HR. Are you going to ask for a meeting? To discuss what your options are.... how long.....when they were expecting you to return etc.... see how the ground lies. This will give you lots of clues as to how they see it?

For me it was FAR more important to negotiate shorter and more flexible hours in the long term than it was to have a long mat leave.
I did a few hours from home when dh was home from three months then went back three days at six months.
Ds is three years and I do four days 9-5. Plan to change to five days schoolish hours when he goes to school.

I sometimes think we put too much attention on the first twelve months and not enough attention on work/family balance in the longer term.

I work for a US company and am in a field closely related to HR. Leaving to one side what you're legally entitled to because obviously you know that already, I genuinely think that most US companies just take the view that there are some crazy laws in Europe, but hey ho, they've got to comply.

I genuinely wouldn't think of cutting your mat leave THAT short because you're worried about what they'll think. Most international companies are with the program enough to realise that mat leave is just something which happens, they make arrangements to cover and to be honest probably don't give it another thought.

Take the full year. Take my advice on that. You will need it, you will cherish it and you will want it. Even when you go back after a year your baby will still seem so young to be left. At 3 months it is just madness to go back to work after having your first baby.

Also you mention that the Company is global; if so they must also employ from other European countries. I can't believe that this will be the first time they have come across the maternity laws implemented by the EU.

Don't worry so much and don't be so hard on yourself.

Enjoy your pregnancy x

Only you will know what you want after baby arrives.
I went back to research ft after only 6 months and resented every single day.
Part time seems to work for those lucky enough to be able to get it and afford it, including me now :)

Currently expecting my second and oddly enough I'm not stressed at all about the idea of resuming pt work-from-home after about 4 months because it already fits around my toddlers day, so it doesn' feel like going back to work so much as having my adult time back! But this one could be completely different and I may think differently in 6 months! Best not to plan too much, babies are unpredictable ;)

I am in a similar position OP (uk based, work for an American co with a boss based in the US) and there is no way I would take a year. You can always extend your leave post birth if you need. But a year is just too culturally difficult for a US company for women in senior positions.

Take the full year. Take my advice on that. You will need it, you will cherish it and you will want it. Even when you go back after a year your baby will still seem so young to be left. At 3 months it is just madness to go back to work after having your first baby.

I didn't need it. I didn't cherish it. I didn't want it.

Not all women are the same.

It pretty much always makes sense to ignore advice from people who think they are, because it is ideological, not personal.

You might well find that you want to take a full year, but there is no reason to decude that at 3 months pregnant. Particularly when it's a decision that has an immediate impact on a job you love.

I really wish people who think women's valid choices are "madness" would fuck off and open their tiny minds.

But they never will.

DoinItFine Jesus! I was trying to be nice and give the benefit of experience.

I really wish people who think women's valid choices are "madness" would fuck off and open their tiny minds. And believe it or not I am all for women having a choice and would defend women's choices to the hilt!

How very nasty you are. Feel proud of yourself

I'm pretty sure you can go back to your current job at the end of the statutory part of your leave, which is 39 weeks. This is called Ordinary Leave. That's more like 9 months.

After 12 months (Additional Leave) they can change your role.

I'm currently off on my 3rd 12 month mat leave, am dreading going back in March!!

Ordinary leave is 26weeks - so 6 months.

This really comes down to your personal preference and your priority. I will say, you should not care what your company or anyone else thinks - do what is right for you and your child. You will know once the child arrives.

I have known all types of women.
I have known women who went back full time after 1 month (this was in Asia, where mat leave is 1 month!).
I have known women who genuinely hate being a mother and the responsibility of it and love being a career woman (and yes they do love their child, they just hate being a stay at home mother), so got a nanny and was back to work in 4 months.
I have known women who hate every second being away from their child and go back to work, resenting every minute of it, and basically become worse at their job.
I have known women, who can't wait to go back to work.
Some just quit their jobs after the mat leave because they can afford to and become a stay at home mum after working hard in their career (that's me btw!)

As an employer, your company has to fulfil the law, and of course they are aware of the differences in culture and obligations. Don't let fear rule you - do what is best for you.

I think 12 months is a long time out of the work place. You will inevitably miss a lot. And colleagues will really get a chance to get their feet under the table with bits of your role. If you want 12 months , take it, but just be conscious that for most people it will be difficult to slot back in after that long out.

I took 6 months. It many ways that felt too short, but my job involves travel so I had to spend periods away from my baby which was hard. On the other hand, I definitely lost something of myself on mat leave and regained confidence when I went back. The flexibility you have sounds like it will be very valuable when you have a child so in your shoes i would probably go for six months. I also second the comment above about it being easier to settle them in childcare at 6 months or so than around a year.

I took the full year with my first and loved every minute. However when I went back to work I was in shock for the first 6 months. I had lost all interest in the business and missed my son terribly. Maybe a staggered return would have been better in hindsight if this is possible after 8 or so months, because going from seeing him every day to not seeing him 8-6 4 days a week really hit me hard. Good luck.