What's the stupidest injury your partner or kids have ended up with?

[BowieFan]

Backstory: My DS1 has fractured his ankle playing football (he's fine, it's happened before). The funny injury happened when DP ran over to see what was happening, slipped on some mud and ended up dislocating his knee.

5 months ago, he did the same thing jumping from one floor of a car park to another with the excuse, "well I'm 40, I assumed I could manage to jump 3 feet".

This is a man they let fly fighter jets.

Yes. We really should have put out of office reply on.

I sneezed in the middle of sitting up from a lying down position on the sofa. Because of the awkward position I was in due to baby bump, I strained the intercostal muscles between my ribs and ended up on painkillers because it hurt every time I breathed in!

I fell down the stairs a few years ago, unfortunately when we had stargates at the bottom of the stair and across the kitchen door.

I somehow managed to open the staircase while falling, avoiding smashing painfully into it. I had just started to congratulate myself on my amazing dexterity when I hit the bottom of the stairs and fell sideways, straight through the closed stairgate to the kitchen. I tore it out of the doorway and lay whimpering on top of it until dh had stopped laughing long enough to pick me up. I didn't break any bones but had a stupendous set of bruises.

Dd2 ended up in A&E from trying to read after lights out. Don't ask. I'll just say it involved a glow stick...

Stargates? Stairgates, star gates might not have been so painful!

A few years ago we were in the shopping precinct, it was market day so the centre of the precinct was full of stalls, ds was laughing at a wall plaque that was attached to a board at the side of one stall he shouted "mum look at this" pointing to the board that was now behind him, as I turned to look he walked straight into the menu board of the open air cafe next to it. He barked his shin, whacked his chin and bent his hand so far backwards that he sprained his wrist.

DS again, jumping around the lounge smacked his jaw on a piece of furniture and bit his tongue so hard he was screaming so loud with his mouth shut, I went into the lounge to find out what all the screaming was about when he opened his mouth and blood sprayed all over the place, 15 minutes later ds was still screaming hysterically and still spraying blood, a trip to A&E ensued where they said there was nothing they could do about the bitten tongue and fortunately he hadn't fractured his jaw, but the bruise was massive.

I remember DS2 somehow managing to knock himself out using a frying pan, once. This was only a couple of months ago. He was trying to flip a pancake, threw it too much in the air, tried to step back to catch it and tripped over the cat, the frying pan falling on his head. He was fine about 15 minute later, just a massive egg on his head. The cat was fine.

I'd say they'd inherited their dad's clumsiness, but they're adopted so I can't use that excuse. Maybe they picked it up through osmosis?

DD has had 2 scooter mishaps, first time the scooter hit a stone and abruptly stopped pitching Dd over the handlebar, she landed on one knee, couldn't bear weight, no fractures but bruising all over the knee joint.

Second time, scooting down a sloped pathway at the local park with her friend she lost control and face planted the tarmac, she was dazed and couldn't remember our phone number and a woman phoned an ambulance, Dd was brought home in the ambulance mildly concussed and with one side of her face from hairline to jawline and from ear to nose completely gravel grazed.

Oh god! Luckily, the only time DS1 came off his bike, he landed on DP so it was quite a soft landing. Not for DP of course...

I'll have an extra worry in a few years as they've both taken a keen interest in DP's motorbike and I can guarantee they'll want one, as they idolise their dad (well most teen lads do, don't they?).

Burnt my lip checking some pasta and the shock made me smash my head on the extractor fan. Felt like a right idiot!

And DH was riding his motorbike and got 'parked on' by a taxi driver. He got out to see why DH was hitting the car but couldn't understand what he was saying, until 20 people at a bus stop pointed it out.

This happened over ten years ago. DH and I decided to go camping in the Lake District as we live quite close to the area. We were about 17 and 18. Selected a campsite, we'd borrowed my sister's six man tent as we didn't have one of our own. Anyhow, being a bigger tent, it had long tethers to peg in to prevent wind damage. We got up one morning, decide to head to the shower block before setting off home. Our tent was pitched in front of a big group of lads, they were already sitting outside their tent and drinking cider. DH trips on one of the tethers. Goes absolutely flying. Ends up on all fours, arse end facing the lads. His pants fell down in the meleè and he was commando. So basically he was on his hands and knees showing these guys and the rest of the campsite his bare arse and the back of his balls.
It's the only time I have ever dropped to the floor and literally rolled around laughing. He still won't discuss it, has never seen the funny side!

fell down a step on holiday, buggering about trying to entertain ds. big bruise from the keys/purse in my pocket.

During a party my friend decided to get into my sons crazy coupe car and got stuck.she tried to stand up to get out of it and fell face down on the floor.we were all too drunk to be very helpful and ended up chopping the roof off the car whilst laughing hysterically. Her mum rang me the next day and said that her daughter was very upset at our laughing and to tell us that she would need surgery to fix her nose.i said your daughters upset I've got a toddler with his car written off. I wouldn't mind but my friend was very overweight so it wasn't as if anyone had put her in it.

I was in Aldi's car park after shopping there, opened my car door and somehow managed to hit my nose on the sharp corner of the door!
I thought I'd broken it! Got in the car,(DH was already in the passenger seat), looked in the mirror and saw that I'd managed to split the tip of my nose open in a vertical line about 1.5 cm, and there was MUCH bleeding.
Now, DH doesn't drive, so I had to drive, one-handed,( holding a wad of tissues over my bleeding nose) to the minor injuries unit, which is, thankfully, only a 2 minute journey up the road from the car-park!
I'm sure the male nurse practitioner thought DH had thumped me one to begin with! But he glued and steri-stripped me up, and then I had to go into work on the Monday (primary school) looking absolutely ridiculous! The kids faces were a picture

DS1 is the clumsiest child I've ever known. He rode his bike at Center Parcs a few years ago and shouted "look, no hands" and promptly fell off onto one of those little wooden signs, ending up with a huge graze across his stomach for weeks.

He cracked his head open on a bollard outside a departments store because he was showing me his Lady Gaga dances.

He got chased by our dog (who he'd been teasing), climbed the tree, fell out of the tree and ended up in A&E for another cracked head.

He slammed the front door on three of his toes and broke all of them last October half term.

He kneed himself in the face recently and gave himself a beautiful black eye the day before his school photos.

He climbed a fence at a neighbour's party trying to get home because he was having a Kevin and Perry moment, fell backward over the fence and cried when I laughed so hard I wet myself (I'd checked first to see if he was broken, he wasn't).

He went through a phase of insisting it was fine to slide down the stairs on the lid of a plastic container, hit his head off the front door and knocked himself clean out.

He is genuinely the reason I drink so much. And the irony is I was just as stupid as a child. I once broke my arm as I fell off my bike. 8 weeks of plaster later, I went up the garden to find my shoes, fell over the shoes and re--broke the arm and had another 8 weeks of plaster. The day the second lot of plaster came off my brother sent me up the tree house, took away the ladder and forced me to jump out. I jumped, landed on the arm and my Mum said she was going to ask them to remove the entire arm at that point. It's still a bit of a duff arm, now, after all those breaks.

WhooooAmI24601

Is it possible that your DS1 and my DS1 are the same person? If not, we need to get them in a room together, they'd get on brilliantly!

I remember vividly DS1 in Spain saying (when he was dangling over the side of the boat we were on): "Don't worry mum, nobody ever falls off boats these days!" ...guess what happened?

He also fell off a Gondola in Venice and fell off a ski-lift (only about 8 ft off the ground, thankfully). I genuinely have no idea how he's still alive. He's the reason I put an absolute ban on their uncle taking them rock climbing, because I just know DS1 will have some kind of accident!

When they see their GPs in Bulgaria during the summer, I've come to expect a phone call around Week 2, filling me in on DS1's injury. Last year he got a fishing hook stuck in his finger.

Bowie the world would implode, surely, if they spent more than three minutes in the same room?!

I've just been chatting to DH about the stupid injuries we've encountered with him and he reminded me that DS2 is also quite the spectacular asshat when it comes to injuries; in Cornwall last year he climbed a rock, sat at the top, leaned too far forwards and somersaulted off. Forunately he landed on sand so was just winded (I think because his head is so enormous the weight of it propels him further than he imagines it will, poor silly child).

He lay on a bench at school last year, rolled off and smashed his face into the pavement. How anyone falls off a bench is beyond me.

He also recently pushed a piece of paper into his ear and had to have it tweezed out. I gave him shite for it and a couple of weeks later kept saying to DH "that kid smells funny". Turns out the fool had pushed paper into his other ear, too, but hadn't told me for fear of another bollocking, so it had gotten infected and he had to be operated on. The smell was his whole head going rancid, apparently.

This summer we were at MIL's in the Gower and he had a tantrum, threw his shoes off a cliff and when DH went to fetch them he misjudged how steep the cliff was and almost slid to his death. Fortunately I was there to take photos and publish them on Facebook whilst also dying laughing at my fuckwit family.

When I was about 3, my gran's sister was visiting from Canada and my dad took the 3 of us on a day out to the Botanic Gardens. As a child I used to run everywhere and while there I spotted something I'd never seen before and went running towards it - only I couldn't stop in time and tripped over the edging round it and went head first into....a huge cactus plant. I came out looking like a pin cushion and screaming mg head off but before taking me to the hospital to get every spike pulled out with tweezers what did the adults do ...took a photo of me standing there with my arms out and a sad face with gran and sister standing smiling fondly at me - that picture is legendary in my family

This will out me but nevermind

I had to travel for a meeting and it started early so they put me up the night before in a very cheap hotel. I suffer with my back and when I tried the bed I knew I wouldn't be able to move the next day if I slept on it, so I decided the only option was the floor. I slept next to the bed, didn't get much sleep but I got some and I was able to move the next day so it was the right choice. Only problem was that I stupidly decided I should lie by the side of the bed so I could use the little shelf for a drink etc, middle of the night I woke up for a drink, sat up in one quick movement and whacked my head hard on the shelf. Went back to sleep really quickly, then when my alarm went off in the morning I did the exact same thing

I thought I was stupid, it hurt a bit but nevermind. However, through the meeting an egg was growing on my head and cracking bruises were coming out, kept being asked if I was OK and what happened, I had no idea what they were talking about and I wasn't going to tell them what had happened at the hotel, all became clear when I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror! I also didn't think to mention it to my parents and they got quite a shock when they saw me, I had completely forgotten!

I did wonder afterwards if I had concussion, because normally I struggle to get to sleep but I went straight out after hitting my head even though I was on a floor, and even though I had a pounding headache I kept forgetting about what had happened!

I ate some really, really hot food because I'm a greedy bastardy and couldn't wait for it to cool.

Somehow, miraculously, my mouth was fine but I really burnt my stomach, and eating anything was really painful.

The GP had to suppress a chuckle as she wrote me up a prescription for omeprazole.

My DH works with unaccompanied refugee teenagers in a European country. Last winter, he and a group of others decided to take them skiing at the local track.

My DH has been skiing since he could walk. There was a massive lecture given to the kids about safety, listening and watching him, behaviour being careful etc. My DH slips carrying the skis from the mini bus cracks two ribs but the kids all of whom had never seen snow before (Somalia and Eritrea) were fine.

The first time we kept goats we were given two adult nannies who still had their horns. They were not against using them and I was very concerned about the children who were still quite small and could easily have been badly hurt so I was strict about the goats being on the other side of a fence from them. I was very respectful of them too but my husband kept insisting they were FINE and it was all about not being afraid of them - and to prove his point went into their yard for some instructive goaty interaction. All was going well "see they're FINE" until he bent down to pick something up and one of the goats gored him right up the bum, boy did he jump that fence! Had a nasty wound as well, which I had to look at, very amusing it was too and I was careful to assure him his bumhole was FINE haha.

WhooooAmI24601

Yes, I think one (or both of them) would probably end up dead. Actually, strike that, they'd be fine and it'd be us who would end up dead.

DS1 is known by name at Newquay hospital because, without fail, he's been in there at least once every year for 10 years with some kind of injury. I worry, I really do. God help him when he goes to uni.

ToastyFingers

We call my DP asbestos mouth because his food/drink is always piping hot and he never waits for it to cool down. It's baffling!

Me on the other hand has to wait for food to cool down to almost freezing... we're a weird family.