What's the stupidest injury your partner or kids have ended up with?

[BowieFan]

Backstory: My DS1 has fractured his ankle playing football (he's fine, it's happened before). The funny injury happened when DP ran over to see what was happening, slipped on some mud and ended up dislocating his knee.

5 months ago, he did the same thing jumping from one floor of a car park to another with the excuse, "well I'm 40, I assumed I could manage to jump 3 feet".

This is a man they let fly fighter jets.

Picture it: me and new DP having some ahem fun after a few glasses of wine on brand new bed frame+ mattress.

Suddenly I got really light headed and tried to jump off....him. Lost my footing whacked my head on brand new bed frame

From the floor all I could hear was 'oh my god you've broke my knob.'

This when then followed by an A&E trip to get my head glued back together and get DPs broken knob checked out.... he'd burst a blood vessel and torn some groin muscles

DH went to get something out of the shed, tripped over and fell head first onto the lawnmower. Yelled and I turned around from putting out the washing and fell over .
I was ok ( I thought) but his head was bleeding quite a lot so we went to A&E. was triaged, told he was Ok and they could glue it but it was a 2 hour wait. Had stopped bleeding and it was late so we decided to go home. I stood up to leave and I discovered I could walk or put any weight on my right foot. I had jarred ita but when I fell but it hadn't felt too bad until that point.
Cue him going up to Reception with blood all over his face say that actually he was ok now but his wife might need an X-ray!!
It was only a sprain but they bandaged it up and I limped out of the hospital supported by DH covered in blood - God knows what we looked like.

My older brother managed to cut himself on the forehead whilst vigorously washing up a kitchen knife. He was bending over the sink, examining it a little bit too closely whilst giving it a good scrub, it slipped and cut him on the head. Apparently there was so much blood his flatmate wanted to take him to hospital but he insisted it was fine - I don't think he wanted to admit how it happened!

Ahem

"broke her other wrist while making a safety video at school"

So it went well then?

Dh was carrying a table lamp downstairs

He got to the bottom step dropped the lead...and trod on the upturned plug with his full weight

He said he could see what was going to happen but couldnt stop it

One prong missed his foot, one was embedded and the other took off a chunk of skin

Unfortunately i found it very funny

Even more unfortunately he had a jobinterview the next day which he had to attend, limping and in trainers, he also had had to explain why

I found that funny as well

Not sure this counts but I was rather shocked when a foot came through my ceiling, hadn't realised my dad was in the loft. He then put the other one through after getting a fright from me screaming after seeing a foot coming through my ceiling ! The person who came to fix it was rather amused, he said he had patched a few up before but normally only one foot. No actual injury, just a bit sore (which is why I'm not sure it counts!)

I damaged my middle finger when I decided it would be fun to show dd that I could fall on the bed without putting my hands out in front of me. Turn's out I can't fall without putting my hands out. I tried to break my fall at the last second, my finger got caught in my pocket and I fell full weight on finger.

I was running around the house screaming in pain whilst dw and dd laughed, dd was 2.5 at the time. I went to a&e, my dad had to drive me because I couldn't change gear. Pretty embarrassing trying to explain the injury, doctors just laughed.

We temporarily lived in a tiny house last year. DH is very tall with huge feet. We were sitting on the tiny sofa in the tiny front room, sharing a bowl of popcorn and giggling about how silly he looked. Popcorn finished he put the bowl on the floor "to take to the kitchen later". Except he didn't. He got up, having forgotten it was there, and stepped into it. Slid across the carpet, nearly doing the splits, did a crazed twirl at the end trying to keep himself upright but ended up on his bum, having bashed his head on the storage unit. It was over in about five seconds but looked like longer. I couldn't speak for laughing, it's normally me having accidents and him laughing so he wasn't too impressed to have the roles reversed! Other than a sore head and bruised bum he was fine though.

I am trying not to laugh too loud at.
Kato 's post so I don't wake the baby, but it's not working!

That would be on Sat night just gone. I decided after a couple of glasses of wine (im a light weight with alcohol) to borrow my nieces scooter to collect mine and my sisters chicken kebabs, hit a drain cover in the dark on the way home, proper superman flying over handle bars, cut knee and scuffed hands and my sister and nieces found it hilarious, i did save the kebabs though 😀

Another time my sister was in the fridge getting something out when I decided to 'jobby jab' her (poking steepled hands into someones bottom) and she put her thumb through an egg and lacerated it.

Middle child is the klutz in our house,

Shes had to have the heel of her hand stitched because she was trying to do handstands, no idea how that happened as she was in the middle of her grandads lawn and he is obsessed with getting a smooth flat lawn so he spends time removing plants and such like.

Shes been in A&E after trying to recreate the luge on a skateboard outside our house, that ended up with a graze that stretched from her forehead to her tummy and concussion and split lip as she discovered the rockery one of the neighbours has.

Her best was playing upstairs and i heard a huge bang, yelled up to check she wasnt broken and she said she fell off the bed but just bumpded her knee. Told her to lie down and rest as it was hurting and id recheck it later. Gave her calpol as the bruise was starting to develope and left her to it as she wasnt complaining too much. Went up later and its three times the size and turning black. She cant bend it and she crying as its aching a lot. She has a fairly high pain threshold so i knew it was hurting.left her dad and the other two and went to A&E. X-rays and such like later the consultant declares a sprained knee joint and asked her how she did it. Apparently she was trying to see how bats sleep so was hanging off the top of the bunkbed upside down, being a bat.

Call to DS1's school today:

Me: "Sorry, DS1 won't be able to attend today as he fractured his ankle yesterday and only has temporary plaster on at the moment. I've already been on the VLE and downloaded all the work for today and tomorrow, so he should be fine to come back on Wednesday"
School: "He's done it again?"
Me: "I know, tell me about it."
School: "Maybe you should just wrap him in bubble wrap!"

Not content with fracturing his ankle, he's cut his thumb open this afternoon trying to open a tin of soup.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FAMILY?!

Ds walked into a bollard in the school car park. They're bright yellow, metal and about head height to the average 5 year old.
He was holding onto our buggy and why the heck he just didn't let go and walk round the thing I don't know. Apparently it was my fault for "walking him into it".
I thought it was just a little dent, but by the time we were half way home it was gushing. Off to the doctors then.
He also walked smack into a very prickly rose bush and had the same excuse.

H has a really fucking annoying habit of spending an hour sat on the toilet. One time he went to stand up not realising he'd spent so long on there his foot had gone to sleep. His leg gave way and he fell over badly spraining his ankle.
Twat.

Last week I stabbed myself in the back of the throat with a steak knife. I had a swollen and painful throat for days. I lied about why is was swollen because I was so embarassed to admit that:

A - I'm that stupid as to lick a steak knife

...but worst of all...

B - I'm the kind of monster that abandons all manners and licks my knife when nobody's looking

Dislocated my shoulder trying to dust behind a radiator.
DH suffers badly from tics and spasms, he bruised my cheekbone passing me a bowl of popcorn which shot up in his hand and belted me in the face. He was mortified. The kids thought it was hilarious. Luckily so did I.

And then there was the time an ex and I were driving home and he noticed the owl on the roof of the house just as he turned into the driveway, crashing the nearly new car straight into the wall. I then broke my toe kicking the recycling box in frustration when I stormed off.
DS1 tripped over nothing on his way to the bath and fell bodily onto Lego city with no clothes on, he had the stud patterns of Lego bricks imprinted on his bum cheeks and I had to explain it to his teacher in case questions were asked at swimming club.

Many years ago my Dad decided to give me a fright by running into the paddling pool I was sitting in and splashing the cold water over me. Unfortunately he slipped on the wet plastic, fell and broke his arm. In A&E he said he fell down the stairs.

Just noticed a mistake in my OP. Bloody autocorrect! They let him fly helicopters, not fighter jets. I'd be even more worried if they let him near guns!

In the middle of blazing row with teenage DD, she had the audacity to walk off. Spitting feathers I followed her to her room where she promptly slammed the door.....on my big toe. 10 hours in A&E later it was indeed broken and I spent all of Christmas hobbling on crutches. I did make DD work a bit though.

DS, aged 2, jumped into my bed one christmas eve morning and booted a cactus that was in the window sill with his bare foot (bed under window). All seemed good until Christmas morning when he awoke with a swollen foot. 3 hours in A&E having cactus spikes removed.

Last night DH leaned back on one of our dining chairs and it cracked sending him flying to the floor in pain. I was distraught. They were £140 each Caligaris chairs!!!

I remember my DP knocking over one of the kids' bikes and I jumped out in horror in case they were on it. First word out of DP's mouth: "Look at the bloody dent in my car!"

I'm fairly certain he'd already realised there was nobody on the bike... probably.

I did a half marathon yesterday, so most of me aches. I was a bit perplexed by the egg on my head though. It took me a while to remember that in my quest to discretely dash into a bush while half way round, I managed to headbutt a low hanging branch as I was about to lower my pants.

This week...

My wife had a dream that the cat was emailing her asking to be fed!!!!

So half awake/half asleep she went to fill the cat's bowl and dropped the fill container on her foot, resulting in some mightily impressive bruise.

The whole thing is ridiculous, the cat only sends texts or WhatsApp to request food.

My DF once leaned over the back of the armchair to switch the Christmas tree lights on/off (can't remember which) and cracked a rib. When asked in A&E how it happened he said "A combination of age and stupidity." The nurse said he was probably the most honest patient she'd had all day.

I dislocated my thumb pouring wine whilst celebrating the last day of 6th form. A Levels started on Monday morning with my writing hand in a sling and no time to organise a scribe. Still got an A though.

I've dislocated ribs from coughing.

When I was 5 I jumped off a chair, faceplanted and broke my nose.

The best one was when I was so eager for sexy times with a new bloke, that when we ran for my bedroom I managed to trip over my own hoover, fell and rolled/slid down my hallway. Massive carpet burns and he just stood there laughing cos he was a knob.

Oh god, the sexy times one is scarily common. We've fell victim to that as well.

DP was so keen to get my bra off once (we were young, it would never happen now!) that in his excitement the bra expanded, the strap flung open and hit him in the eye, requiring a trip to A&E!

Oh and last year he came running out of the bathroom, did a sideways jump onto the bed and went through it, breaking part of it and meaning we had to sleep on bunk beds for two weeks. Actually, the bunk beds were great, I wish we'd stuck with them...

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Our cats have learned how to open doors (I blame DS1 and DS2) so it's only a matter of time before they discover e-mail!