Annoyed with DD, her friends, their parents

[ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout]

So last night DD, 15, went to a party at her best friend's house. They live locally, I trust the parents, there is no issue re the party.

When these events occur, the parents of 3 other girls and I take turns picking up DCs at the end (usually around midnight). I get a little fed up about it as I do more than my fair share, but I don't really mind as long as I know DD is safe.

I've been unwell recently and doc has not signed me off to drive yet, so I'm not covered by insurance and am actually not fit to drive in an emergency stop situation. In addition to that we have younger DCs (11, 3 & 3) and DH was working nightshift. In a nutshell, I couldn't do the pick up. I've done the last two so was sure one of the other parents would step in.

So despite DD asking friends, and me pestering her with text messages to find out the situation, there was no offer of a lift home. The other girls didn't know how they were getting home (I assume they just expected me to come anyway, despite being told it would be impossible).

To be honest, DD is notoriously bad for this type of organisation and, although she tells me she fully explained the situation to them, there is a chance she didn't explain it well enough (or at all !)

In the end, I had no choice but to leave my little kids home alone (for around 7 minutes) and drive (completely illegally) to collect her, only finding out when I got there that one of the other parents were picking up the other girls (this had only been arranged very late when it became clear I wouldn't be doing it).

I am furious to be put in that position and so relieved that everything turned out ok re the kids at home and driving. I feel sick thinking about what could have happened, but it was a case of 'the lesser evil'. I always make sure DD has an exit plan at these things (usually me collecting her) and always feel a responsibility to keep her friends safe too. I'm so disappointed that they nor their parents were prepared to help me out when I really need it.

WIBU to say I'll never give these girls a lift again? It would probably affect her friendship with them and definitely affect my 'relationship' with their parents. Or do I just suck it up?

[littleflamingo]

Well... It's funny how a 15 years old usually goes out with her friends, returns home about midnight and this time she didn't even know how and who would pick her up.
I think I'll be a horrible mum when my DD is 15... Home at midnight? With her girls to someone collect her? Hahahaha

[gettingitwrongputtingitright]

You should have made sure arrangements for DD getting home were made prior to her attending the party. I don't think its fair to cross as you didnt do this.

[DiegeticMuch]

There are always lazy parents who won't take their turns, or those who refuse to learn to drive and expect others to do all the running around.

Then, there are single parents with other (small) kids, and parents who are ill.

Those in the latter group can be cut some slack, but the others need to be aware that you're not their personal family chauffeuse. Contact them, allude to the recent confusion, and sort out a plan. Don't collect the kid of anyone who doesn't cooperate unless it's an emergency.

Alternatively, get your daughter a taxi (direct from the party house to yours, with no diversions).

[RhodaBull]

I agree with other posters - if you were hors de combat and unable to drive, then your dd couldn't go to the party without a confirmed lift home.

I now feel horribly guilty for all the discos and parties my dad sat parked outside on a Saturday night. And then he'd drive three other girls home in different directions out in the sticks. It was always my dad as other parents were "out" or "having friends round" etc etc. He never complained, but when I think about it now some parents were very happy to take and not reciprocate.

[MaybeDoctor]

Maybe, the next time a party arises - suggest the idea of pre-booking a minicab and all the girls clubbing in to pay for it? Pre-book to get a CRB checked and/or female driver.

If it is arranged in advance then there isn't a last-minute scramble to sort out arrangements and it means that the girls become a bit more familiar with independent ways of getting about - plus parents get a night off from driving.