To think that dh's parents and family should make more effort?

[Kel1234]

It's my husbands birthday today, he is 32. Since I've known him, his parents and other family have never made much effort for his birthday. Even on his 30th, they made no real effort at all, a card and present almost shoved at him in the morning. I thought with it being a special birthday they may have at least got a cake, maybe a bottle of something fizzy- not too expensive- and come round and shared it as a family. But no, I found out that they were planing nothing like that, so I had to organise something literally last minute, so he had something. Last year they didn't do anything either, then last night my FIL asked if they wanted him and MIL to have our little one from last night, meaning dh wouldn't even have seen him today. I asked if they were planning to do anything or us all go out, but nothing. And other family members do not live that far away, yet they haven't made an effort to come either, not even a card in the post.
The only cards and presents he has are from my family. Now I know he's a grown man and it's not about presents and things. But I thought they may have made an effort.
It's worse because on my birthday last year they came round with things for me, and invited themselves to join us at our meal. And this year they came to see me. And they came for our little ones 1st birthday last month.
AIBU to think that his own family should do more for him?

If my MIL told me she'd organised DH's birthday celebrations for him I'd think she was having a funny turn.

Indeed, i don't think we'd ever have got married if that was the norm in the family!

They offered to baby sit!! That's not nothing.

I would have agreed that perhaps his family don't celebrate adult birthdays but his parents bought you presents and visited on your birthday, but nothing for him?

They did buy presents. Apparently they were shoved at him.

Or perhaps the OP wants to be taken out and paid for at her Dhs birthday too.

queen you may have something there. A relative of mine only celebrates her husbands birthday if her In laws go too. as they always pay. The years they have said no she hasn't done anything.

It's your responsibility not theirs. Surprised you need to be told this. So you left his 30th up to them to organize and then got upset when you as his wife didn't do anything? How cheeky of you.

Yabu!

They are a family that don't make a fuss for birthdays, especially not big ones. They still come over to wish him happy birthday and bring a present. They know that you do like a fuss on birthdays, so they make a bit more fuss of you and your child when it's your birthdays. They offer to babysit so that you and your husband can go out and celebrate. They sound perfectly nice in what they're doing, and you sound like you've not organised anything yourself and yet you pick holes in everything they do.

I don't understand all this angst about adult birthdays - big celebrations are for children surely? It always amazes me when friends talk about being 'thoroughly spoiled' and counting down to their birthdays as if they are small overexcited children.
We don't 'do' adult birthdays in our family, just children. My son, 23, forgot it was his birthday this year. It's just an excuse for more stuff imo

Seriously? What weird expectations you have

He is an adult, now married and presumably living with you. If he (or you) want a cake / bubbly / a 'do', then it's down to him (or you) to organise. Can't believe you think they should still be arranging his birthdays once he's no longer a child!

Have I read it right that, unprovokedly, his Dad offered to have your dc - presumably so you and dh could go out, and celebrate said birthday - and you are even criticising that? You sound like hard work OP.

Why do you think they should get him a cake? He's your husband.

My family would call me and visit with gifts, but the cake is for me or DH to arrange.

It's worse because on my birthday last year they came round with things for me, and invited themselves to join us at our meal. And this year they came to see me. And they came for our little ones 1st birthday last month.

Do you mean his family did this or yours?

I think them offering to have your child overnight so you can go out for his birthday doesn't qualify as doing nothing.

My DHs parents don't 'do' birthdays. When the grandkids were little they might get a card with a £10 note in it, but not always that. DH and I never get cards or gifts from them, even if we see them on the day. When DH was growing up there was a small gift, a card and maybe a cake, but that all stopped when they left home. As a consequence of this upbringing DH and his brothers also don't bother about birthdays whereas his sister goes totally OTT. So in our household it falls to me to me to organise any parties /gifts / outingsfor DC which I do - with bells on, sometimes literally.

My Inlaws are lovely, lovely people, kind and generous to a fault. They are not mean or nasty or thoughtless. They just don't 'do' birthdays. They are not important to them so it's not part of their family tradition. It sounds as if birthday celebrations matter much more to you so it is up to you to make them happen in your new family unit.

What they said and who wants a bet we never see OP again?

My parents don't do anything for mine - just send me a text or give me a ring. But they do buy my DH a present - basically, they're aware that I know that we just don't really do adult birthdays in my family and won't take offence but they don't want to accidentally offend my DH so they get him something. I'm fine with that!

Much more bizarre to me is that you had apparently planned absolutely nothing for your DH's 30th.

I don't think people have been rude, but were responding to tthe implication in your post that you expected dh's parents to organise a cake, bubbly and party.