to just want the mum-gulit to end?

[IceBeing]

Saw a post on facebook saying that children inherit their intelligence more from their mothers than their fathers....and I swear I am sitting here feeling guilty for polluting my DD's genes with my shitty ones.

Please tell me there is a way to stop the endless mum-guilt? In the last week I have felt guilty for: letting her have a belgian bun, not letting her buy ALL the halloween tat, not asking her to read with me, not taking her swimming because I had a dodgy stomach, failing to hide my fear comprehensively enough when de-wasping her arm, and letting her finally watch Frozen after 2 years of badgering - because she still got scared in the middle.

PLEASE just make it STOP.

[corythatwas]

I found my guilt lessened the more I could see dc as individuals in their own right, as people more or less like me.

I don't think it's much of a tragedy that I have sometimes been exposed to minor accidents like wasp stings, or that I have started watching a film and then fond it wasn't not for me, or that I have sometimes eaten a less than perfect diet. I don't wish I had had a perfect life: it is the life I have had that has made me the individual I am. And going by that logic, I don't see why I should wish for a perfect life for my dc either. And if somebody tried to commiserate with me for not being more brilliant than I am I would give them short shrift.

[PunySorrows]

Then you have a DH problem, not a mummy guilt problem. He sounds like an arse.

This.

I don't think 'mummy guilt' has any basis in reality. It's some weird social invention to keep women in their place. I have never felt a moment's guilt about how I parent my son. As Derek said, I'm doing my best, and I'm not going to sit about beating myself up about my failures.

And if your DH is using all those bulging braincells to make the mother of his child feel like shite, then lucky your DD is going to resemble you more according to FB, which is clearly an authority on genetics, isn't it?

[MaudGonneMad]

Given your previous threads about your DH and the upbringing of your DD, I don't think your guilt about your genes is wellplaced.

[Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse]

I don't normally engage in man bashing but, 'annoyed' she had a bun? He's the who needs to get a grip.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

I used to feel mum guilt over everything and then went to counselling which really helped me let it all go I still get the occasional guilt pang but am much better these days at not beating myself up too much.

[user1474627704]

I don't think its mum guilt at all, I think its married-to-a-dick-itis.

[JustDanceAddict]

My kids are much cleverer than me! I'm not stupid, but I didn't do that well at school and they're streets ahead of me - and can draw & sing, two talents I lack.

[TheVeryThing]

Is this the dh with ocd who is a sahd? Apologies if I'm wrong but if I'm not, I dont think your genes are the problem.
I occasionally feel guilty when I'm not parenting as I would like, but the things you've mentioned wouldn't cost me a thought.

[nicenewdusters]

From the look of it the only thing you should feel guilty about (and actually you still shouldn't) is mixing your genes with Mr Perfect, Large Brain, Humour By-Pass, Kill Joy.

[thehugemanatee]

It's not true that kids inherit intelligence from their mother. I've seen what you read and even if it was correct it would only be men that inherited from mother. But it's not even reliable research.

[IceBeing]

nice genuine lol there...

Please for the love of god, nobody is allowed to feel guilty about not feeling guilty!

Thank you for the grips!

Bleh - my MH has been on a rollercoaster for 6 years now...in fact I was just looking forward to the possibility of my first autumn without a break down. Maybe I have been overly optimistic...I keep a close eye out for any other symptoms.

[IceBeing]

thehuge yeah I know...I read the papers. I should have inserted 'irrational' into the thread title. I know perfectly well this guilt is bullshit. I just hate that I have a reflexive guilt response to basically every bloody decision I make at the moment.

[IceBeing]

For those who remember my other thread - this must all seem so flippant...but serious progress was made, big changes in life style, in approach, in behaviour. I am massively happy I now have the space to feel guilty about the small stuff. I just feels so tantalisingly close to actually almost enjoying life...I can almost touch it....

[BigChocFrenzy]

If you want to worry about something:
Has your DC inherited the "being a twat" genes - those would come from your DH, if so.