to just want the mum-gulit to end?

[IceBeing]

Saw a post on facebook saying that children inherit their intelligence more from their mothers than their fathers....and I swear I am sitting here feeling guilty for polluting my DD's genes with my shitty ones.

Please tell me there is a way to stop the endless mum-guilt? In the last week I have felt guilty for: letting her have a belgian bun, not letting her buy ALL the halloween tat, not asking her to read with me, not taking her swimming because I had a dodgy stomach, failing to hide my fear comprehensively enough when de-wasping her arm, and letting her finally watch Frozen after 2 years of badgering - because she still got scared in the middle.

PLEASE just make it STOP.

[BigChocFrenzy]

If you want to worry about something:
Has your DC inherited the "being a twat" genes - those would come from your DH, if so.

[IceBeing]

For those who remember my other thread - this must all seem so flippant...but serious progress was made, big changes in life style, in approach, in behaviour. I am massively happy I now have the space to feel guilty about the small stuff. I just feels so tantalisingly close to actually almost enjoying life...I can almost touch it....

[IceBeing]

thehuge yeah I know...I read the papers. I should have inserted 'irrational' into the thread title. I know perfectly well this guilt is bullshit. I just hate that I have a reflexive guilt response to basically every bloody decision I make at the moment.

[IceBeing]

nice genuine lol there...

Please for the love of god, nobody is allowed to feel guilty about not feeling guilty!

Thank you for the grips!

Bleh - my MH has been on a rollercoaster for 6 years now...in fact I was just looking forward to the possibility of my first autumn without a break down. Maybe I have been overly optimistic...I keep a close eye out for any other symptoms.

[thehugemanatee]

It's not true that kids inherit intelligence from their mother. I've seen what you read and even if it was correct it would only be men that inherited from mother. But it's not even reliable research.

[nicenewdusters]

From the look of it the only thing you should feel guilty about (and actually you still shouldn't) is mixing your genes with Mr Perfect, Large Brain, Humour By-Pass, Kill Joy.

[TheVeryThing]

Is this the dh with ocd who is a sahd? Apologies if I'm wrong but if I'm not, I dont think your genes are the problem.
I occasionally feel guilty when I'm not parenting as I would like, but the things you've mentioned wouldn't cost me a thought.

[JustDanceAddict]

My kids are much cleverer than me! I'm not stupid, but I didn't do that well at school and they're streets ahead of me - and can draw & sing, two talents I lack.

[user1474627704]

I don't think its mum guilt at all, I think its married-to-a-dick-itis.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

I used to feel mum guilt over everything and then went to counselling which really helped me let it all go I still get the occasional guilt pang but am much better these days at not beating myself up too much.

[Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse]

I don't normally engage in man bashing but, 'annoyed' she had a bun? He's the who needs to get a grip.

[MaudGonneMad]

Given your previous threads about your DH and the upbringing of your DD, I don't think your guilt about your genes is wellplaced.

[PunySorrows]

Then you have a DH problem, not a mummy guilt problem. He sounds like an arse.

This.

I don't think 'mummy guilt' has any basis in reality. It's some weird social invention to keep women in their place. I have never felt a moment's guilt about how I parent my son. As Derek said, I'm doing my best, and I'm not going to sit about beating myself up about my failures.

And if your DH is using all those bulging braincells to make the mother of his child feel like shite, then lucky your DD is going to resemble you more according to FB, which is clearly an authority on genetics, isn't it?

[corythatwas]

I found my guilt lessened the more I could see dc as individuals in their own right, as people more or less like me.

I don't think it's much of a tragedy that I have sometimes been exposed to minor accidents like wasp stings, or that I have started watching a film and then fond it wasn't not for me, or that I have sometimes eaten a less than perfect diet. I don't wish I had had a perfect life: it is the life I have had that has made me the individual I am. And going by that logic, I don't see why I should wish for a perfect life for my dc either. And if somebody tried to commiserate with me for not being more brilliant than I am I would give them short shrift.

[myownprivateidaho]

Agree that your DH should not be a dick. However, I am not sure that disapproving of a sticky bun and your allowing DD to watch a movie that scared her necessarily mean that he is a dick. It completely depends how he raised those things.

[WankersHacksandThieves]

Being intelligent isn't always a blessing anyway. Being able to get along with people and having confidence are far better qualities to have.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

I mainly feel guilty for polluting the children's genes with dh's, usually after his latest malapropism - start thinking that way, you'll be a lot happier

My two year old needed a filling at her first dental appointment. I felt horrifically guilty for not brushing properly/being too lax on the sweets, until the dentist said her teeth were in great condition but one had just come out that way. Cue thinking I'd somehow screwed up the enamel growing stage of pregnancy.

It must be a normal mechanism to make sure you are constantly thinking about how to take care of your offspring and ensure their safety; but it shouldn't be more than a fleeting thought. If it's worrying you genuinely then GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.(in capitals in case you skim the rest, it is a bit wordy)

[accidentalpirate]

I'd rather be a bit thick and nice than super intelligent and a cock to be honest.

[CocktailQueen]

the guilt mostly comes from my DH. He was pissed that DD got scared, annoyed she'd had a bun and he's the super smart one whose intelligence genes are being overruled by my supposed duffers.....

Hold on just a cotton-picking moment! So it your DH who's giving you these messages? Is he actually blaming you for all these things? Then you have a DH problem, not a mummy guilt problem. He sounds like an arse.

You can't help having an upset tummy. What's wrong with a Belgian bun? Some kids do get scared in films, but you will only find this out by watching the film. And has he actually been telling you he's brighter than you? What a cock.

[Stopyourhavering]

The research this paper relates to was done on mice, so any relevance to human mothers is pure conjecture ( and I've a friend who's head of genome research , so he should know!!)
Once again the keyboard warriors dump guilt on mothers

[unlimiteddilutingjuice]

Ooh just read the whole thread. Looks like a DH problem more than a mummyguilt problem. Is this going to be another one of those threads that start with an innocuous problem and end with us telling you to ltb?

[DollyBarton]

I'll admit. I don't feel guilty about much. My kids are lucky Sods in general.

Feeling mildly guilty that I don't feel guilty.

Just kidding! I don't feel guilty.

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

My dd is more like my dh than me re intelligence. She is stronger at a subject i was weaker in and she is weaker at a subject i was stronger in.

[myownprivateidaho]

I swear I am sitting here feeling guilty for polluting my DD's genes with my shitty ones.

You sound like you have desperately low self esteem. Of course this is not a rational way to feel. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. Honestly, when I've this down on myself anti-depressants have helped.

[Aderyn2016]

Your dh is the problem here. When you are looking after dd, how you parent her is your business. When he is primarily responsible then he can decide whether she gets a bun or not. It is not his place to undermine perfectly reasonable parenting decisions made by you.

Tell him to wind his neck in and I suspect this 'mum guilt' will wear off. Frankly, if there is a choice between dd being like you or your h, I'd prefer she was like you.