to not allow ds (aged 6) to drink COFFEE at school

[MrsMills]

They now have a drinks table which they are allowed to use on an afternoon and have been shown how to make coffee (filtered). His preffered choice is milky with sugar apparently. This had been going on for aobut 2 weeks as far as I know and I was not asked if it would be o.k..

I need to go and see for myself what they are doing, but the other parents I have spoken to seem fine about it.

I however cannot believe they are giving him coffee. Bear in mind that this is the same school who told me off for putting 6 pringle crisps in his lunchbox thread here .

Arrrgh I don't even know where to start!

i'm sure i read an article once saying tea or coffee in under 8's is v bad for them

Mind you if they're climbing cliffs by themselves aged 5 (!) perhaps they need the coffee. Talk about getting kids back into the great outdoors. Whereabouts in Sweden are you (if you don't mind revealing it that is)?

I'm in Stockholm, about 8 kms north of the city centre, close enough to get in in 30 mins, far enougha way to be in the countryside. Perfect!

My theory is that for generations children have been brought up like this, it's all geared up for being outdoors, they're out iceskating right now. So they presume that the children are aware of the risks around them, as taught to them by their parents, life here is different. And tbh the children I see are v well behaved and don't take risks like my son did and still sometimes does.

It's all part and parcel of learning another culture.

I was boiling a kettle when I was 6/7 (making ups of tea for some Brownie badge I recall!). Also used to make coffee for my parents by boiling the milk on the stove and I'm still here and have never had burns

IMHO I think it is a good life skill - unedr supervision of course!

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I was given cups of tea as a child but is very cold were we live and it was mostly milk but we didnt have coffee till alot older

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ice skating!! Mrs Mills it sounds so idyllic!

No you are not being unreasonable. Coffee is not good for young childrren.My children were not allowed to have cofee until they were teenagers.

No you are not being unreasonable. Coffee is not good for young childrren.My children were not allowed to have cofee until they were teenagers.

I wouldn't be too chuffed about coffee drinking reguarly but I like the idea of the freedom that the children have, and the learning to do things independently. But I do subsribe a bit to the 'chuck them in and see if they swim' philosophy of child rearing. So far mine always have. Sounds a wonderful place.

Shakethechi, your comment:
"And I thought the Germans were a bit overkeen with this making kids independent thing. The Swedish seem to be way in front of the Germans...."
what do you mean by that?
If anything, german children are kept children a lot longer? MY german friends are always completely surprised about how "grown up" my 10 1/2 year old, is, etc....( I am german, but we live in England, dh is english),whereas compared to the "regular" Kids around us (here in england now), he is very childish really, lol...
MrsMills, other then the coffee bit, sounds really fabulous out there in sweden

yes, I suppose it doesn't make much sense the way I wrote that. Well, I have to say that German mothers mollycoddle their dc a lot less than I (or most foreign mums here seem to do). The motto seems to be: if they CAN do something themselves, they should IYSWIM. Whereas I'm not that bothered about helping dd with things that she could probably manage herself.

I wouldn't say there's anything innately wrong with this "selbständig" thing (in fact it does make good sense) but there is a big difference in the whole approach it seems to me. Mind you Russian mums no doubt think I don't mollycoddle (love that word) dd enough! I often think THEY seem overly-protective.

So that's one big difference I've noticed here in regard to mothering. For instance, mums here seem to lay much more value on dc walking to and from school alone. Whereas I'm the big worrier and wouldn't want dd to do that at all (she's 6). I have a 7 year old neighbour who travels by UBahn to school alone in the mornings. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my dd doing that TBH but his dm thinks it's important that he learn to do that as early as possible and be reliant on her as little as possible.

So for my feeling, dc are "let loose" here a lot earlier than I would feel comfortable with in a lot of respects. From what Mrs. Mills said about her school, I had the impression that Swedish dc enjoy even more freedom than is usual here.

Does that make more sense? Probably not... But at least I know what I mean

I also agree Sweden sounds so idyllic....

lol, I must know differnt kind of german mothers, lol....the ones I know all seem to "mollycoddle" their children muhc more then I would, lol....maybe it depends which area you live.
Must say, at 7, no I wouldn't feel comfortable to let my child travel on the underground neither....lol.

There is a difference between keeping children young emotionally - ie more childlike in their reactions and needs, and allowing them more physical independence IMO. Mine are quite young in terms of what music they like, the things they enjoy, their interests etc but I do let my 10 yr old walk home from school with his 7 yr old sister sometimes and go to the park on their own (park is other side of the road and school is about .5 mile away). They also make their own snacks, clear the table after dinner, have the run of their GPs 3 acre garden and climb trees, build dens etc without supervision. But they are much much more likely to come and give me spontaneous hugs and hold hands with me than their peers. That sounds more like what MrsMills is talking about?

OrmIrian, it sounds like what I'd like for my dc

OrmIrian- I agree with you about the emotional/physical independence dichotomy. I think that many parents in the UK particularly make the mistake of confusing them.

We cannot keep our children wrapped in cotton wool until the day they leave home. We already live in one of the "safest" places in the world physically, in ways that few people even know about. Barely anything in this country is left to chance, not even the camber of our roads, which mean it is a real struggle to drive off them.

I thnk the result on our children of NEVER being allowed to take risks is kids who have no idea what real danger is. There are 1.3 million trespasses by children onto electrified railway lines every year. Kids running across motorways to get a buzz. Kids kicking people to death for fun. That is not the behaviour of sane, balanced individuals, yet sadly it is viewed as normal behaviour for teenagers.

I grew up in France, my sister lives there now with her two boys. I can guarantee that the children, whatever their level of ability, are calmer than any of our English ones. Maybe it is the rhythm of the school day. Maybe it is the extra responsibility they are given over themselves on a day to day basis.

I think we are, wrongly, obsessed with our kids' physical safety way and above their mental wellbeing and ability to shoulder responsibility. I believe that it will eventually backfire on a massive scale, and not just in kids dying because they were set on fire for a dare, ran out in front of an express train, or were imprisoned for killing someone for kicks. I believe that our kids' generation could be the most unwell mentally of any so far, which has far longer-reaching consequences than a few broken bones, bumps and bruises or trips to casualty.

This is why I choose to send my children to a school that values their freedom to climb trees, build dens, etc... along with maintaining high academic standards. I applaud MrsMills' sons nursery school for showing the older children a few life skills. They will be all the more grown up for it.

< / rant >

Sorry for the hijack, MrsMills.