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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take one nephew on holiday and not the rest?

27 replies

Bridge2387 · 05/10/2016 17:53

I name changed for this, as it's very identifying.

I have 2 sisters, my older sister has gone through a really rough summer, she has one nine year old and he's never been abroad before, he's only recently received his passport.

My younger sister has 3 kids, between the ages of 10-5 and they go away every summer.

DH and I have decided to go away for October half term, we only have DS (6) and we really want to invite my 9 year old nephew, but knowing my younger sister, she'll be upset with me.

I don't think it would be fair to invite one of her children and not the other two and we can't take them all.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm not sure if others would view this as unacceptable.

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 05/10/2016 17:57

As long as everyone was open about what was happening and none of it was secret, I think your younger sister would be quite unreasonable to be cross about this. It sounds a kind thing to do.

blueturtle6 · 05/10/2016 17:59

I don't think its unacceptable, taking one extra child is different to 4 extra children. Is there any reason for your younger sister to be upset?

bettybyebye · 05/10/2016 17:59

I agree with pp - I thought you were going to say one nephew out of a set of siblings, which would be unreasonable. This I think is fine and it will be nice company for your DS

SheldonCRules · 05/10/2016 17:59

It's not something I would do, a day trip yes but abroad no. It sends a very clear message that you have a favourite and they are second best and not deserving of a holiday.

Can you not extend the invite to yours sisters and their children, then it's down to them if they accept and no children are left out of the offer.

ChocolateButton15 · 05/10/2016 18:00

I don't think it's unreasonable as you only have one child and it will be nice for him to have company. There's a big difference between taking one extra child and taking 4 extra children! If she is upset just say you will go away together another time and explain your reasons.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 05/10/2016 18:00

You take who you want. If your younger sister complains your mantra should be

"Are you begrudging a young child his one chance of a holiday abroad? Something your children have every year. Really? You're that selfish?"

Optimist3 · 05/10/2016 18:02

As long as you either give her a special gift or say you'll take other child next time

myownprivateidaho · 05/10/2016 18:02

Yeah it's a tough one. I think it might damage your relationship with your younger sister's kids.

ImogenTubbs · 05/10/2016 18:02

I think as long as you talk to your sisters and explain then TWBU to get upset about this. You can't always do everything with everyone. If you were constantly favouring this one nephew with special presents and treats it would be different. My sister got invited to Italy with my aunt and uncle and cousins when we were little. I didn't. I got over it!

Optimist3 · 05/10/2016 18:03

Ignore my last comment. I think it's fine.

AyeAmarok · 05/10/2016 18:05

I really don't think she would, or at least should, have a problem with this.

Very kind of you OP.

NoNutsPlease · 05/10/2016 18:10

The only way I'd consider something like this is if the ages were very different. E.g. My child was 7, DN1 was a similar age and others were much older or younger.

Otherwise no way, it's not about your sister really, but about making your other nieces/nephews feel second rate.

ChasedByBees · 05/10/2016 18:13

I think it's fine.

NapQueen · 05/10/2016 18:15

I think it's a lovely thing to do.

It wouldn't bother me a jot if one of our nieces or nephews were taken abroad and our dcs weren't.

MrsHulk · 05/10/2016 18:19

Can you talk to your younger sister first, just to be sure there's no drama/bad feeling? I.e. Along the lines of "it's so great you're able to take your DCs away, such a shame DN's never been away - we could cope with taking one extra child away with us, so thought we'd invite him..." etc

Jo210975 · 05/10/2016 18:23

Can you talk to your younger sis about how sad it is for older sis and DN and kind of get her to suggest it and think it's her idea?

HereIAm20 · 05/10/2016 18:31

No - I agree - use the why would you begrudge nephew 1 the chance of a holiday which your kids have every year - YANBU and you don't have to give her a special gift Hmm

I assume if the other sister was experiencing some bad luck you would be there for her too.

Zeeandra · 05/10/2016 18:42

I think it's fine. It gives him chance to experience a holiday he wouldn't otherwise, gives your sis some time out and keeps your LO company.

If you think little sister may throw a shit fit maybe talk it out with her first. Be clear that you want to do it and your reasons why then if she goes mad it's at you not your other sister.

mum2Bomg · 05/10/2016 18:53

I think that's lovely. As precious replies say I would explain what you're thinking to your youngest sister first and see what her reaction is like. She might be really pleased a) that you thought of her feelings first and b) that he will get a holiday

Such a lovely thing to do X

rookiemere · 05/10/2016 19:01

I'd talk to your younger sister, and put it under the guise of getting her input on how to phrase it.

You could say something like "We were thinking of asking DNephew with us as we've got two rooms anyway and he hasn't been on holiday, and it would be good company for DS and give Dsis a break. "

that way you've had the discussion and hopefully she'll see your reasons for it. Also be warned DNephew may not want to go away from his parents for a week as 9 is quite young for that.

Lovewineandchocs · 05/10/2016 19:03

Absolutely take him, I agree totally with what milk said.

Ilovenannyplum · 05/10/2016 19:03

I think that seems like a lovely thing to do OP

Original poster
Bridge2387 · 05/10/2016 19:55

Okay, I think I'll run it by younger sis first and hopefully she'll be all for it. I've never favoured any of the kids, we normally all do things together or separately, it's rare to only take one set of kids but DNephew really wants to go on a plane and older sis could do with a break, so thought it was a win win all round.

OP posts:
LifeIsGoodish · 05/10/2016 20:01

I don't think it's a biggie at all. I have more dc than any of my siblings, and they have each taken one of my dc away with them a few times. I'm delighted that my dc gets a treat, and some 'quality time' with their aunt or uncle, and I'm also delighted that I get more 'quality time' with the dc who remain with me.

R2G · 05/10/2016 20:13

YANBU but I'd try and explain your thinking that it's to help your DSis rather than a preference for that nephew. Jealousy about children does funny things to people - speaking from experience.

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