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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give DS no lunch?

74 replies

AtSea1979 · 05/10/2016 07:15

After day 1 of year 7 DS had spent twice as much as the agreed amount for his lunch. I can't afford that and he words with DS and DS decided he wanted packed lunch anyway (unrelated to his telling off).
Anyway DS said he has no friends on packed lunch and every was on school dinners so he ended up sitting with year 8s who never spoke to him etc so I reluctantly agree he could go back on school dinners but keep spending to a minimum like take drink and snack and buy a main meal and dessert.
This seemed to be going well until yesterday. When he bought toast, drink, pizza, main meal, dessert and two more drinks.
Shall I send him with a jam butty or tell him he's had his quota?
In all seriousness though I can't afford this so what's the solution? There doesn't seem to be an option of setting a limit on the account.

OP posts:

BabyGanoush · 06/10/2016 07:12

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/how-many-calories-do-teenagers-need.aspx?CategoryID=51

I was wrong, at 12 they don't need 3000 yet

Artandco · 06/10/2016 07:12

I do think £2 pocket money for 12 year old is a little pointless, what can you buy nowdays for £2? Even saving for a month £8 is just about enough for a small book. I think he's then just not used to the additional money your giving for lunch.

Can you afford to increase pocket money? Get him to do some chores for it if needed. But then he ideally won't just be wasting lunch money as fixated on having cash on him

A toasty, snack and drink seems a small amount for a teenager. At secondary I would have eaten that at break time, then eaten a full lunch a few hours later.

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 06/10/2016 07:14

DS does have a good breakfast, porridge usually then takes a snack for 11:30, which is usually crisp, apples and a bottle of smoothie. Then he's supposed to buy a main meal, occasional dessert (if it's something he really likes), and drink water.

OP posts:

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 06/10/2016 07:15

Sorry that £10 pocket money was a reply to a poster. Do others give this much? I am panicking about money just thinking about it.
I don't get FSM as I work full time.

OP posts:

Artandco · 06/10/2016 07:15

Could he take something from home like some cold chicken or sausages, some pesto pasta with veg, some cheese cubes, some nuts and raw veg. Some fruit. Take water. Then he can buy a toasty and hot drink if needed still

mishmash1979 · 06/10/2016 07:16

My kids have to take drinks or have water (school drinks nearly as much as food) and then they have a meal at lunch OR something at break.

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 06/10/2016 07:19

Art you post reminded me, I also gave him the option of doing chores and earning some money he could spend on lunch or whatever he wanted. He still wasn't motivated to do chores. Tbf if I ask him to do something he will do it, if he doesn't forget along the way but he won't just use his initiative and do something. We made him a list of suggested chores and negotiated how much he'd get for each one but he still doesn't do any.

OP posts:

Artandco · 06/10/2016 07:22

I give pocket money according to age. So my 5 year old gets £5, 6 year old £6. At 12 they would then get £12 a week from this. But I'm not there yet so woudlnneed to evaluate later.
But it's what you can give. If you haven't £10 a week spare, you can't really give it

Goingtobeawesome · 06/10/2016 07:26

Same here. Ds2 spent £9 one memorable day. He's been told if he spends more than £5 in a day again he's packed lunches. A school lunch is less than £2.80 so the £3-4 that his brother has had is more than enough. However DS is excited to be able to buy food etc and is enjoying doughnuts, flap jacks, pizza slices at break but he needs to stop. I've started buying water to take in, £1 a bottle at school, and there's always been snacks to take from home but of course doughnuts and bacon rolls are better. Breakfast is early as they have to leave before 7:30 then lunch isn't until 1:20 so he is hungry. Just not £9 a day worth!

blissfullyaware · 06/10/2016 08:16

exactly same problem here - this was the parent pay list

buttered toast
buttered toast
buttered toast
cake
buttered toast
pizza slice
cake
burger

holy moses. each piece of toast is 60p!! bills around £5.60 a day. I have warned him but he is not listening. I told him to get a hot meal with some vegetables and he said he then had would then have to sit alone as his friends got takeaway food and eat outside the crowded canteen. Think the here is your budget and if you blow it then make lunches yourself idea is a good one. I can't carry on like this.

This morning I gave him an apple in the hope he would eat some fruit and was met with a look of horror I received ! He thought his friends would laugh at him for eating fruit.

How do you deal with that? My son is clearly a follower in life!

mummybgot4 · 06/10/2016 13:29

I think we might share a son! Mine is exactly the same and has also opted for jam sandwiches . His dinner system has a minimum top of £10, so I have to put the whole weeks £12.50 on, on a Monday. It is nearly all gone by Wednesday. Our school allows a cap to be put on, but I want him to learn to budget his money, it's good practice for the future. Sadly he has inherited appetite and could eat all day long. This is what he has got so far this week, bearing in mind he has breakfast before he leaves!

mummybgot4 · 06/10/2016 13:34

Should say I also get him drinks and snacks to take with him, when he remembers to put them in!

Jumpmom1 · 06/10/2016 18:11

Is this an English school? In Scotland kids just take a certain amount to school each day. My DD gets £4 a day for school.

normage · 06/10/2016 18:15

The change from primary to secondary can be daunting. I would ring the school and explain the situation. There must be an option for topping up each day, that maybe even your ds doesn't know about. I give my daughter water, three snacks and £1.50- £2 each day. This is enough for a main meal.

DeathpunchDoris · 06/10/2016 19:29

Teenage boys eat a LOT. I had the same problem with my 2. I gave them enough for a main meal and drink at school so they could hang out with their mates but provided cheaper snacks myself which they could eat wherever to keep them going. Welcome to the world of constantly hungry teenagers (smile)

normage · 06/10/2016 20:44

Slightly off topic, but my 14 year old gets £5 pocket money and 9 year old gets £2.

Notso · 06/10/2016 21:09

DD is 16 and gets £15 a week for lunches. DS1 is 12 and I give him £2 or £3 on the two days a week he has school lunch, he takes drinks and snacks from home and a packed lunch the rest of the week.

Art am intrigued what do your 5 and 6 year old use their pocket money for? I've never given regular pocket money until the time DC started going out and about on their own.

Nakatomi · 06/10/2016 21:19

Agree with Galdos. Growing up where and when I did, there was always someone who couldn't have lunch, so we took turns in bringing anything extra we could feasibly take from home without it raising eyebrows. Did it for 18 months.

It wouldn't surprise me if it happens even now. Where I teach is pretty good about this sort of thing, we have a system that in an emergency situation free meals can be sorted out (as long as the parent lets us know) but it wouldn't surprise me if there's cases where the parent isn't aware until it's too late. I know benefits sanctions have hit a lot of people hard. The worst I've ever seen was someone on free school meals saving their food to take home because their parents had been sanctioned for one reason or another. Luckily I was able to get the CAB to sort them out with a food bank referral, but that shouldn't be happening in 2016.

Schools are very good at this kind of thing now though. Nearly all students are being monitored to make sure they're eating at least something, especially with the eating disorder problems of a few years ago.

MrsJayy · 06/10/2016 21:20

Start of secondary they go a bit nuts with lunch cards and the cafe style lunches i let it go for a week or so then i gave them a set amount plenty for lunch and break and once its gone its gone they had a sandwich from home. Dd2 was the worst for it i ended up giving her daily money at 1 point just so she stopped spending.

Mrsleighdelamare · 06/10/2016 23:09

DD is doing exactly this - she's cost me nearly £70 in five weeks so we decided to give her packed lunches and a £10 week for snacks/drinks.

That still wasn't working so now we're giving her the tenner on her card, and then whatever she has left over at the end of the week is being put in to a bank account for her. An incentive not to spend it all. Because we're giving her a big packed lunch, lots of snacks too and she was still spending loads.

nailak · 06/10/2016 23:38

At school we would leave at 7.30.so by 10.30 would be hungry and would buy buy toast/cheese toastie and hot choc which would cost around £1.20 then at lunch jacket potato and drink or something which would be around £3
On fridays we would get chips from chip shop.

I don't think that's unreasonable.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/10/2016 12:01

Mine have always taken packed lunches. Even at sixth form they took their own and went out with friends to a cafe (paid for out of their allowance) maybe once a week. £25 or so seems a lot for a week's lunches; it would be costing me £100 a month.

longdiling · 07/10/2016 12:09

When I first saw this thread I felt quite smug - we'd sorted this issue in the first week and dd had apparently been great at budgeting. Then suddenly I got a text informing me she had hardly any money left in her lunch account! I made her sit down with me and go through what she's spending - it's break time that's the issue despite her taking snacks and drinks. She's buying pizza slices and bacon rolls!! I've laid down the law and she had to take sandwiches today because I refuse to top it up. She has £15 for the week and that's it.

FauxFox · 07/10/2016 12:13

DD (Y7) has school lunch on Fridays (her choice - friday is junk food day!) I expect £10 to do 3 x fridays, if she spends it before then she has a packed lunch on the third friday before I top up her balance again.

She gets £2 pocket money per week but if she keeps her room in a good tidy/clean state and changes her bed covers at the weekend it goes up to £5. At the moment she is a lazy minx and usually decides £2 is preferable to making the effort to tidy up but I assume when she wants to buy/save for something she will do it! She can also do other chores for cash and I have ebayed some of her old toys when she wanted to raise some money too. I don't think handing out £10 a week no-strings-attached is a good way to teach the value of money...

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